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Ahead of the Game: Loving Sports, Not Just Winning
When I was in eighth grade, I was elected to be captain of the White team. White and green were our school colors, and every girl was assigned to be on one of the two rival teams throughout her time at the school. The teams competed in field hockey, basketball, softball, swimming, even dodgeball, and at the awards ceremony at the end of each year, the captain of the team with the most points accepted a huge trophy while all the Whites or Greens yelled deafeningly. The irony of my being captain was that I hadn't even competed in any of the sports.
I thought I wasn't good enough, so I refused to try out and (along with plenty of other girls) would just watch and cheer. My parents had never dealt well with any sort of failure or loss -- they seemed to see it as a form of public humiliation. So I learned the lessons that my family unwittingly taught me: Only do things that you know you'll succeed at. Only try out if you know you'll make the team. Only play a game if you are sure you can win.
My younger child, Sam, was born without a left hand; his arm stops just below his elbow. When he was a few days old, my family visited us briefly, but no one cooed over him or even held him. A few weeks later, they later sent him a large navy wool rug. When the FedEx man delivered it, he commented, with just the right touch of sarcasm, "I bet the little guy will really enjoy playing with this." He helped me understand the simple truth of what I'd been feeling all along: In my family's eyes, my baby had lost before he'd ever entered the game.
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My son was born almost 10 years ago without his left hand. While the first months were very dark for us, we have never let him know how much we worried about him. When he was four years old, I showed him the Park and Rec listings and asked what he wanted to do. His reply was "What CAN I do? I want to do all of it." Gerry plays hockey, baseball and football. He has a better social life than I do and an incredible outlook on life.
9/30/2011 11:00:26 PM Report AbuseThis is a wonderful story. I have a 15 year old step-daughter who was born the exact same way. She amazes me everyday and I am so very proud of her. I shared your story with her and she loved it. Thank you for sharing your son's story.
9/27/2011 10:09:30 PM Report AbuseAs the mom of a 4yr girl with a limb difference I know many parents of differently made children will identify with your experience & others will see that a child born with a limb difference has as much an opportunity for success as anyone else. A child with a limb difference is not tragic. It's extremely important to show our children how capable & wonderfully made they are. If we treat them as flawed or limited that is who they will believe themselves to be- & that would be the tragedy.
9/27/2011 03:17:08 PM Report AbuseDear Michelle, I have a 5yrs old nephew with the same condition. His name is Sammy! He lives in Colombia. I forwarded your article to my little sister (his mother), but I really would love if you can share experiences with my sis and hopefully, your Sam can keep in touch with my little Sammy... my e-mail address is rpzarate00@hotmail.com God bless both of you! :)
9/20/2011 08:52:41 AM Report AbuseFabulous story! Thank you, Michelle, for sharing your son's successes with us. We can tell you are very proud. A job well done! --Patti G.
9/20/2011 08:00:51 AM Report Abuse