"Is This Doll Appropriate for My Daughter?"

Q. My 6-year-old daughter is really into dolls, especially the hip ones with contemporary outfits and accessories. Frankly, I find them repulsive and a bit demeaning. Am I gauging these toys correctly, or do I just need to suck it up and allow her to have them?

A. Go with your instincts. If you find a certain toy, doll, or game repulsive or demeaning, don't buy it. Peers and the media influence children from an early age, but that doesn't mean that parents must succumb to such peer and media pressure.

What you buy your children reflects your values. Let's say you give into pressure from marketers selling such dolls, or peer pressure that "everyone else has one." By doing so, you're sending an unspoken, unintended message that you'll buy whatever is advertised, or, if your child's friends have an item, then your child will get it too.

Children use dolls as alter egos, playing out situations that they don't understand. A firstborn child with a baby sibling will play about family scenarios about being dethroned, and adjusting to life with a loving intruder. A child afraid of using the toilet will use a doll to overcome such fears. A child struggling with or adjusting to school will use dolls as students, in order to come to terms with events, challenges, and successes in the classroom. To adjust to the inevitable physical changes on the horizon, a child on the verge of puberty will play with dolls that look as if they've gone through puberty.

Your 6-year-old certainly is not about to start puberty. Therefore, it would be more appropriate for her to have a doll that looks like her. There are doll companies that specifically make these dolls, so purchase dolls that reflect a more wholesome appearance than the "hip" ones you describe.