Secret Mommy Crushes

Patty Murphy ducks into Starbucks every morning for her daily chai tea latte. And for her daily dose of the hunk who serves it up. "I look forward to seeing him every day," admits the happily married mom from Montclair, New Jersey. "On the rare visit when he's not there, I'm bummed. And the latte just doesn't taste as good." Murphy, who has a 2-year-old son, has never spoken to her secret crush, beyond ordering a drink. She didn't even know his name until she'd been "seeing" him for six weeks. But feeling fluttery from afar over the handsome barista is exactly the point -- Murphy has no intention of turning her infatuation into anything real. Sure, we've become older and wiser, and we've settled down with men we love and children we adore. But even the most blissfully partnered woman is susceptible to the occasional schoolgirl crush. And, say moms, these kinds of crushes -- ones that you certainly never act on -- are harmless, providing a harried, tired caregiver with a bit of an ego boost. "Moms of young kids are particularly vulnerable to crushes," says Barry McCarthy, PhD, sex therapist and coauthor of Getting It Right the First Time: Creating a Healthy Marriage. "They're overworked, perhaps not getting as much attention from their busy spouses as they'd like, and probably not feeling particularly sexy. When you have a crush on somebody, it suddenly validates that you're still a passionate, desirable woman -- not just someone's mom."

Don't even consider scheduling a Wednesday-morning meeting with Crystal Mazza, who works at a bank. That's when the Brink's delivery guy brings money to her branch. "I just sit here and stare at him through my glass-walled office," says the Dracut, Massachusetts, mom. "He's really cute. He's carrying lots of money. And he has a gun!" Like Murphy, Mazza has never uttered a word to her secret crush -- she doesn't even know his name -- but he always waves to her on his way to the vault. "My Brink's-guy fantasy is just a way to feel that although I'm a loving mom and a wife, I'm also still a woman!" It's not uncommon for moms to fall for men in "helping" professions -- the guy making your coffee, coaching your kid, even delivering your baby, says Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. The very idea that there's a studly guy who's looking out for your needs -- and not asking you for something -- can leave you feeling weak in the knees.

Tricia Ryan has the hots for her ob-gyn. During both of her pregnancies, the Connecticut mom scheduled every single appointment with him, even though she was instructed to rotate among all the doctors in his practice. "I get really nervous before I see him," she confesses. "I spend a lot of time planning what to wear. I know how silly I'm being, but it makes me feel happy to get so excited. Even my husband teases me about having a date with 'The Doc.'"