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Save5 Best & Worst Things To Say To Your Kids
You'd be amazed how much power you wield with your words. Here are key phrases to remember--and some to write off.
1. "Please make a decision."
If you use this phrase when asking your child to do something--or stop doing something--you make it clear that she is responsible for her own actions. For example, you might tell her and her friend, "Please make a decision to play quietly or go outside." If they're still loud five minutes later, you can follow up with, "I see that you've decided to go outside." Not only does this help teach your child about cause and effect, but it takes you out of the bad-cop role; she will clearly understand that she's making a decision to choose a consequence.
2. "I love you, but I don't like that behavior."
If you have to discipline your child, you want to separate the deed from the doer--so he understands that behaving badly doesn't make him a bad person. Telling your child that you love him in the same sentence that you express disapproval also helps remind you that the goal of discipline is to teach your child what's appropriate, not to punish him--and you'll be much more likely to stay calm and not yell.
3. "I want you to help me solve my problem."
If your child is doing something that annoys you--humming during dinner or playing with his food--make it seem as if you're the one with the problem. Ask him to help you come up with a solution--perhaps he'll only hum while you're doing the dishes. This way, he'll feel as if his input is invited and respected, and he's less likely to see you as his adversary. If the only solution that will satisfy you is for him to stop the behavior entirely, you can brainstorm about how he can remember not to do it.
4. "What did you really want to tell her?"
When kids get mad, they may blurt out stinging words--such as "You're a jerk!" or "I hate you"--because that's all they can think of to say in the heat of the moment. But you can help your child dig deeper and figure out what exactly made her so furious. You might have to give her suggestions such as "Are you angry because your friend said something about you that she knew was private?" As your child learns to get more in touch with her feelings, she'll become better at articulating them with others, even when you're not around to help her.
5. "Different people have different needs."
When your child utters that familiar refrain "It's not fair!" you need to help him understand why everyone shouldn't in fact be treated equally. This statement explains what "fair" really means: "Everyone in the family gets what he needs when he needs it." If one of your children needs glasses, for example, you certainly wouldn't buy your other child a pair just to be fair. When one child outgrows her sneakers, it doesn't mean that both kids automatically get new ones. And if one kid has an ear infection, you don't give both children antibiotics!
