New Member
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎07-25-2013
Re: Desperately seeking advice.

Hey there MetalMomma,


I've been in your shoes. I had that terrifying moment of having a positive pregnancy test in one hand while holding my 8 week old baby in my other arm. The most important thing to do is to stay calm. Its okay to cry and be frustrated. Believe me, I cried for 3 or 4 days. Oddly enough, my husband was far more calm about it. We figured that, with as careful as we had been, that it just must have been God's will for another little one to join our family. I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but that helped to calm me. If you have an IUD in, you definitely want to see your doc because it can cause MAJOR complications with the pregnancy if you don't get it removed pronto.  Just sit your fiance down, explain that, as he should well know, there isn't a 100% effective form of birth control, and that yours failed. Life happens. If your fiance loves you (and I'm sure he does), you can both have your moment of panic and then settle into reality and help one another to adjust.  Of course he will need a moment, I'm sure YOU need a moment. Everything becomes clear as time goes on.


In my experience, my youngest actually helped us to see that there were some major developmental delays going on with my older daughter. If I didn't have her surpassing her big sister in some areas, I probably would not have known to be concerned. She's also been a great example for her big sister to watch so she could learn to start doing some of the things she is supposed to be doing.  My girls are 10 months apart. Its not as hard as you would think, believe it or not. There comes a point where physically they are very similar. In my girls' case, they both wear the same size diaper now and share clothes. Your oldest should be walking by the time your new little one gets here and that helps a lot because they do reach a point around the time they start to walk where they become very independent. Your youngest will sleep A LOT at first, so you will still have a lot of time to devote to your oldest, and then, as your youngest starts to catch up developmentally, you will notice that they like a lot of similar things (story time, music, etc.) so its easy to find ways to include them both. 


There is a purpose for everything. Just hang in there and know that the sooner you tell your fiance (just come on out and say it, girl!) the sooner the two of you can make important decisions together, and the sooner you will have a support system to deal with all the ups and downs that come with close pregnancies. 


I wouldn't change my life for the world, or give up my youngest. I'm blessed that we were surprised with a fail in our birth control.