Regular Contributor
cassie186
Posts: 182
Registered: ‎08-20-2013
Re: How do I stop the gifting???

Is your husband the primary custodial parent of your step son?

 

The reason I ask this, is because it sounds more than anything to me, that your husband feels like your step son needs the gifts in order for him (the father figure) to be important. That giving the gifts is how he percieves himself being a good parent for your son and making up for lost time during the rest of the week if he isn't the primary custodial.

 

If you are custodial parents, then the issue is probably a lot deeper than a simple he likes getting gifts, so I keep giving them to him. Instead of saying we can't afford to keep giving gifts like this, he can't get so many, ask your husband why he feels like it's so important for him to be constantly gift giving, and then move forward from there. By asking why, I think it would help move the conversation to a deeper level instead of what may be percieved as just trying to change someone.

 

I do think that kids should get an allowance, so that they learn how to spend their own money. But I don't neccessarily think allowance should be tied to doing chores. My reasoning behind that is that if you get your allowance for doing your chores, there isn't the idea being fostered that sometimes we need to just do stuff because it makes life for everyone in the family easier. However I do think it is fair to give allowance if a kid goes above and beyond and does extra help around the house or more difficult chores such as mowing the lawn, etc.