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New Contributor
bmwrkwlllb
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-28-2013

To Have and To Keep - Staying Married with Kids

Ladies:

I am starting to think that June Cleaver may still have something to teach us.  Just go with me here.  Have you ever caught yourself talking to your husband like he was another one of the children?  Why does the grocery clerk get a warmer smile than my husband?

Don’t get your pantyhose out yet.  I am talking about small changes here.  I am not a stay at home mom.  By the time I get home from work I too am tired, distracted and not at all interested in cooking, cleaning or overseeing homework to name a few.  Here are a few ideas I had, would love anyone else to share.

I put one load of laundry in the moment I get up in the morning. If you do not have a programmable coffee pot, INVEST.  By the time I crawl to the kitchen, coffee is ready.  I then, while I am fresh, spend 20 minutes cleaning something.  It is well worth the 30 mins of lost sleep to get up and accomplish something before the rest of the house is awake.  This of course cuts into my check e-mail, Facebook and blog time.  Well worth it to accomplish tasks while I am fresh instead of being met at the door with them after 5.

My husband has started to notice that the house is cleaner and I am less harried in the evenings.  This has impacted for the better how I treat him at night and he is more helpful when I am not grumpy.

I am continuing to tweek things, will keep you posted.

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Community Manager
Emmys_Mom
Posts: 103
Registered: ‎05-28-2013

Re: To Have and To Keep - Staying Married with Kids

I like your idea to get up 20 to 30 minutes before everyone else so you have some me time - even if that me time is used to throw in a load of laundry or write out your grocery list.

 

My husband will often take our daughter somewhere for a couple of hours Saturday morning. In the summer it's usually to the farmer's market, and in the fall it may be to the park or to the indoor play area at the mall. While they're gone I have the house to myself and two to three hours of uninterrupted time to pay bills, clean the bathroom, catch up on e-mail, or go get a manicure. Whatever I want/need to do that weekend without worrying that I'm not spending enough time with the family because I know Emmy is having some good daddy/daughter bonding time.

 

Let us know if you make any other tweaks that help keep you less stressed!

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New Contributor
bmwrkwlllb
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-28-2013

Re: To Have and To Keep - Staying Married with Kids

Ok, I got a reply from a post of a different forum.  Thought this was worth sharing....

 

"I set the timer for 30 minutes and sit the girls at their table and chairs.  Out come the "special markers" (the ones that only color on paper).  They are allowed to sit and color with the special markers while I get some things accomplished around the house.  If they do not color nicely and get along the markers go away for a week and they have to "assist" with chores."

 

This is the same gal that plans a picnic "dinner" in the backyard as a break from the norm. 

 

Have a good week!

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New Contributor
Srae
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎10-02-2013

Re: To Have and To Keep - Staying Married with Kids

Great idea to get up a bit earlier! I work full time outside the home and thus am not in the mood when I get home to begin another full time job. I Do not get to sleep in, go a day without laundry, dishes and toy clean up. We have two dogs which are there own seperate issue! Our daughter is 14 months old and we have been married for 16 months....While I find it truely frustrating that it is assumed this second full time job falls in my lap I really don't know that I could handle it any other way. I take comfort in knowing they are taken care of! The trick I guess, is how to ensure I am taking care of myself?!?

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New Member
csroper3641274
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎10-27-2013

Re: To Have and To Keep - Staying Married with Kids

I too have had this issue and I've been married for 9 years (7 of those with kids).  I know how frustrating this can be; coming home to take care of your child/kids and tackling chores.  There is "no day off" or "time for yourself' even though your husband seems to find time to relax or do the things he likes.  I've been home with my kids for the past 4 years and despite "having time" I still need help with chores, laundry, cooking and just watching the kids.  I was multitasking one Saturday and my husband was in the den watching a football game.  I was trying to clean the kitchen, get started on an early dinner, flipping the laundry and keep on eye on the kids while they were outside riding the bikes.  I realize my husband works very long shifts and arrives home exhausted.  But I approached him like this (without blowing my stack): If I was working outside of the home, who would be upstairs cleaning the kitchen, getting started on dinner, trying to keep the laundry going and keeping an eye on the kids? .  .  .  .  . I know your exhausted, but realize just because I have the opportunity to stay home, doesn't mean I can do it all.  You're right here next to the laundry room and each time I have to come downstairs, that's put me further away from being able to keep an eye on the kids.  Realize, THERE IS NO BREAK. You still need to help.  I can't have an argument over this because I'm stating the obvious.  I think it turned on a light because my husband acknowledged I can't be in multiple places at once, and more importantly, no one was watching the kids.  As one mom to another, I would recommend you jot down on a board, what needs to be done as it pops up.  The hubs will see and maybe get to it without having to be asked.  I know there is a lot that shouldn't have to be said, but I've learned and taken the advice from another married friend, "they don't think like we do. Just write it down for them to see."  Good luck!

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