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New Contributor
ljhulings
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎01-04-2014

behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

My son is 4 1/2, when he is with me (his Mom) he does not listen, follow rules. He is very defiant towards me. He purposely does what I tell him not to do. He often hits me when he does not get his way. He will throw temper tantrums when told no by me. He will throw things (toys, pillows, clothes, etc) when he doesn't get his way. He talks back to me and tells me no all the time.

 

This behavior only occurs when I am around. He is a complete angel at school (Pre K) and he does not display these behaviors when he is with other people including his Dad. If I am there when he is with other people he displays this behavior. He will be good until the moment he sees me.

 

I don't know what to do. I have tried redirection, time outs, taking toys away, taking privileges away, early bed times...nothing works. I often lose my temper with him because I am just fed up and frustrated.

 

Need advice!

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New Contributor
ljhulings
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎01-04-2014

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice...new to the site! :smileyhappy:

 

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Contributor
VLCenter
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎11-13-2013

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

Maybe your kid wants something from you. Try finding it out what he likes through other members of your family and be the one to offer him those things as surprises. This would make him feel attached toward you and instill the love and care on your behalf. Meet his teachers at school and find out what all he is good at and try to promote those likings with some surprises as well.

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New Contributor
brown_heather2004
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎05-08-2014

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

Joining this thread bc I have the same problem with my 5 1/2 yo daughter.  You are not alone.  I believe that part of our issues are based on the fact that after she gets home from all-day kindergarten, she literally fights for attention bc of her two younger brothers.  I hear her echoing my behaviors of frustration and the way I talk when I am annoyed.  I know I have to find a way to model better coping, but by the time she gets home I am running out of patience and have a hard time channeling my sweet, happy mommy voice.  My biggest frustation is that she remembers the most abstract details but somehow can't recall where her backpack should go, that she needs to close the door to use the bathroom, flush and wash and all of the everyday routine things.  I hate the feeling that it is a cycle that I am making worse - and even more frightful, teaching her little brothers TOO!  oh the insanity! 

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Occasional Visitor
Eri3c
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎05-08-2014

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

We are having similar issues.  Sad to say, but this is actually his way of showing that he loves and trusts you the most.  He's pushing his boundaries with you, because you're the one who will always love him, always come back to him, no matter what.  He will get better, but it's tough dealing with it.  Try to be consistent in:

Recognize what he wants; let him know you understand him.

Firmly, but nicely, say, "no."

Keep telling him he needs to be nice to you for you to be nice to him.

Point out when he is being nice, and reward him generously for it.

Model the behavior you want from him with others.  Make a big show of your husband making rude demands and getting nothing, then being nice and getting even more than he asks.  Even better if you can do this modeling with other, slightly older children.

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New Member
donnad32
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎05-08-2014

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

We are having the same issue with our 7 yr old son.  He is an only child.  He is worse with me than Dad/Husband, but defiant with us both

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New Contributor
sundaymoylan2
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎05-08-2014

Re: behavioral issues with 4 1/2 year old son

Very familiar with this...my 27 month old son is a terror with me often. He always wants his dad and he's an angel for everybody else.

It's hard to deal with; we don't spank and we don't yell at him (raised voices DO happen when pushed to my limit) and the only place we can do time outs is his high chair. Well he flips his lid at dinner time to sit in the high chair, so imagine trying to put him on a time out?! GAH!!!!

Anyway - I feel your pain for sure.
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