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Occasional Visitor
busylittleelf
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

Generally speaking, I never want to reprimand someone else's child.

 

That said, my 6 year old son once had a classmate that would always torment him and, one weekend, both boys were invited to 3 birthday parties over a two day period. The other boy's bad behavior started at the first party and I told my son to stay away from him so that the other boy couldn't touch him, he would move and the other boy would follow him (His mother never said word one to him the entire time even though she was right there)

 

The next party, later that afternoon, he continued his bad behavior. The final straw for me was while his mom and I were sitting next to each other on a couch, I witnessed her son drill his knuckle into my son's back. She said nothing so I did. I told him to stop doing that, it's not cool. (and he stopped) Then she starts screaching at him (which didn't do anything at that point but annoy us all)

 

The next day at the last party, it started all again, this time he went around beating on kids and adults alike with the little foam Knight's swords they were each given. Not once did she or her husband say anything to their child.

 

So depending on the situation, especially if someone is invading another child's space or being to rough or bullying, it is absolutely okay, within reason. Knocking a hat off alone wouldn't make it okay, but what happened before that? Did she see something that maybe you missed (it's easy to do if you have other kids or get a phone call/text message)? On the other hand, screaming at anyone's child is not okay and generally not effective anyway.

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Oliviascloud
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

I absolutely do not think it is okay for another parent to discipline your child... unless of course he's drinking from a beer bottle. And when one disciplines, one does not have to yell. I am speaking to parents raising their own childen and parents who can't help but raise other people's children. Yelling is not effective. It creates fear. Do we want  our children to fear us? I certainly do not want my daughter to fear her mother. I am not only my daugther 's parent. I am her life-long teacher. She is not old enough for me to sit down with her and have a discussion. Right now, I practice breathing. She's just a baby and so when she pulls my hair or grabs my earring, she's just cute and adorable. The time will come when I will have to sit down and talk with her, and not to her. We will both be part of the discussion. I will lend my ears to my daughter, and she will listen to me. It won't be a parent to daughter lecture. I just don't believe that is effective either. I have digressed. These are things I wil do with my daughter because I believe my methods are effective.I'll be damned if another parent steps in and attempts to teach my child. Also, the arguing and cussing afterwards is simply disgusting. It only teaches our children that that is the way to get it out. It's not. If you you're so eager to get that negative energy out, suck it up and buy a punching bag. You'll get it out and you'll be keeping fit at the same time. Just keep a distance between you and anyone who seems troublesome. :smileyhappy:

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New Contributor
Oliviascloud
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

I absolutely do not think it is okay for another parent to discipline your child... unless of course he's drinking from a beer bottle. And when one disciplines, one does not have to yell. I am speaking to parents raising their own childen and parents who can't help but raise other people's children. Yelling is not effective. It creates fear. Do we want  our children to fear us? I certainly do not want my daughter to fear her mother. I am not only my daugther 's parent. I am her life-long teacher. She is not old enough for me to sit down with her and have a discussion. Right now, I practice breathing. She's just a baby and so when she pulls my hair or grabs my earring, she's just cute and adorable. The time will come when I will have to sit down and talk with her, and not to her. We will both be part of the discussio. I willll lend my ears to my daughter, and she will listen to me. It will be a two way street, and not a parent to child lecture. I just don't think those are effective either. I have digressed. I have my own parenting methods and I'll be damned if another parent steps in to raise my child. If one is so eager to get this negative energy out, play darts or buy a punching bag. It's a more healthy way of releasing this yucky energy. Yelling and cursing from a distance is simply digusting, and shame on her. Just keep a distance from people who seem troublesome. :smileyhappy:

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New Member
storyteller4141
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

I agree completely with the PP who said that you were both wrong.  I see nothing inappropriate with politely reminding a child in a positive way to behave appropriately (ie: we use our hands for playing t-ball, in this situation, or for throwing the ball, or something; we use kind words when we speak to our friends, etc).  I would likely soon after address the issue with the parent if I knew or could locate him/her.  This kind of thing happens all the time on the playground and in organized playgroups; I'm surprised that so many people say they've never stepped in to say something to a couple of preschoolers playing who might have needed a little redirection.  If you're not watching your 4 year old closely enough to notice that he's hitting someone else's kid, then maybe you should be paying more attention, or if it's a situation where the coach should be supervising, then I'd definitely have a talk with that person as well.  On the other hand, she was way out of line to run across the field and yell at your kid.  That is never ok, either, and must have been really intimidating for him. And cursing at a 4 year old's sports practice? She really needs to get it together.  Those are the issues I'd raise as concerns.  I'd try to speak to her directly, but if that didn't go anywhere and/or the problem persisted, I'd definitely be having a converstaion with the coach as well.

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dnylbaskerville
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎09-06-2013

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

When it comes to disciplining your own children or someone elses, there's always varying degrees. If there's danger, then every parent should be stepping in. However, kids fooling around and each kids response or feelings in playground situations differ, so you get a grey area.
Really minor things need to let slide and repeat bad habits should be brought up to the parent first. The parent may not know their kid is doing something inappropriate or their parenting is more lax about those particular things. A resolution to the problem is the goal and not to attack another parent's parenting methods. That said, if you've addressed a problem with a parent and they are not correcting the problem, then going to the coach maybe the next step.
Or if a parent is over reacting to a situation, you should explain why something seems minor to you and why you feel the kids should work it out for themselves. If the parent continues to overstep, then they may need to reigned in by someone with more authority like the coach.
By no means, should any parent be cursing and threatening another parent in front of children. Doing that negates the lesson that was trying to be taught. A cursing parent should be pulled a side a have a discussion about appropriate etiquette if they do not apologize on there own.
I would first talk to the parent in order to clear the air and a chance to start a new. They could have been having a really bad day and that was not how they intended to act. If they respond negatively, then go to the coach because you don't want that attitude at the game and who knows what might be coming out of that kid's mouth!
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New Contributor
Oliviascloud
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

I absolutely do not think it is okay for another parent to discipline one's child... unless the child is drinking from a beer bottle. Yelling is not effective anyway. Our goal should not be to create fear in our children. Do we want our children to fear us? I certainly feel better knowing my daughter will come to me when there is a problem. I have my own parenting style, and I would appreciate it if other parents step off and away. I will handle my own. Perhaps, this parent's style of parenting wasn't working with her own child, and so she tried experimenting with another's child. I have digressed in a way. Anyway, this parent should have approached you and not the child. This is what we teach our own children... Right? We tell our children that if there is a problem, go to an adult. I say keep a distance between you and anyone who seems troublesome. If this woman thinks it is okay to yell and curse, then stay away from her. That's just pure negative energy.

 

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dontdoitsparky
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-03-2014

Re: Should I allow another parent to discipline my 4-year old?

[ Edited ]
 
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