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New Contributor
arunvv14457
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎12-11-2013

Punishment

My son is a 5 yr old. He is a good listener but sometimes he doesn't listen and doesn't remember whatever we say. So I want to make him remember with some fear. Last Sunday, in this cold winter, I took him to a shopping complex and since he did some bad at that time I left him alone outside the complex, I came to my car and after few mins I went back to him and said if you do bad again I will leave you like this, so if you want your mom and dad, listen and remember what mom and dad says. I know I shouldn't have dealt like that but due to anger at that time I did like that. How to give punishments for toddlers? We tried to give him timeout, asked to put like toys in a bin and if he does good then only he can take from the bin kind of things. But still he doesn't remember few things even though we tell him everyday not to do that. How to deal for such situations? How to make him remember certain things that are important to learn?
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Contributor
VLCenter
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎11-13-2013

Re: Punishment

You need to deal in a better way with child psychology. A child mind is not so much to expect from and your kid is really not so much grown up. I agree that he might lack attention, but you need to handle that situation with a different approach, A punishment should never be taken as mode of reenforcing discipline. That's not a good concept. Rather you can possibly figure out those reasons and make him undertand through some act as what you expect from your kid. Children do understand soft whispers of one who they love. Try something different next time. Hope this helps.

 

Thanks!

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Visitor
marlenej2331253
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎12-16-2013

Re: Punishment

I work with defiant children for my career but what makes me qualified to help you is the simple fact that I am a mother of a 5 year old and know exactly what your going through. Kids thrive on praise and rewards! For the next 14 days focus on the good things your son is doing. When he does pick up his toys, when he does listen make a big deal. Immediately reward him with something you know he loves. Could be stickers, hugs, a small candy, food. Whatever he decides he wants as reward make sure he gets it immediately after the good behaviour. The other key to this is consistency! VERY important. Don't give up to soon or else it won't work. When his behaviour is inappropriate, let him know his behaviour was not good and let him set out for 2 minutes. (No longer) try to stay calm. The key is to spend more time emphasizing his good behaviour and you will see his bad behaviour lesson. Keep in mind he is 5 years old and as part of his natural development he will engage in age appropriate mischief. Give this a try!
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Occasional Contributor
livsysjd
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎12-04-2013

Re: Punishment

For starters, can you personally remember a time where you felt really scared? Even if it was a nightmare and you woke up and felt thankful that it wasn't real and you were able to snuggle up to your spouse. Kids deserve that safe feeling all the time and much as possible, without parents creating intentional fear to make a point, and really THEIR point.  You say that typically your son is a good listener.  Yet at times he will forget. Do you think that it's abormal for a 5 year old to forget?  Have you as an adult never forgotten?  Have you also ever made a promise to your child and not followed through?  Have you said one thing and then poo pooed it off and had to explain to you child, it can't happen now- sorry buddy?  If this is acceptable/undertsnable behavior for you as an adult, why is a 5 year old child that is still learning and new to this world not allowed the same resepct?  Can you iimagine what the child feels and is thinking when a parent says, " If you do bad again, I will leave you like this, so if you want mom and dad, listen and remember what mom and dad says?".  It leaves a message alright. Not the one you want to leave, though.  It's good that you reconize that you were angry and reacted poorly.  It happens to all of us, but we can change and minimize this.  http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/When_Your_Child_Makes_You_Want_To_Scream/

 

http://www.positiveparentingconnection.net/time-out-vs-time-in-whats-the-difference/

 

 

http://peacefulparent.com/267/

 

http://peacefulparent.com/why-we-explode-and-how-to-prevent-it/

 

http://abundantlifechildren.com/2012/07/30/how-to-raise-decent-children-without-spankings-or-time-ou...

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New Member
leahabelseth
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎12-28-2013

Re: Punishment

Change your language. " punishment " is not the right word. Your job as a parent is to teach. Discipline has roots in discipleship which is to teach. As a foster parent I must say I am quite upset at the idea of you leaving your child out in the cold in front of a store. Glad you came back so quickly and glad you recognize this was not right. We all have those moments but fear of abandonment will not help the situation especially in the cold. How would you have felt if your child panicked and darted in front I a car?. Please do not try to teach through fear. It doesn't work. I also am opposed to " timeout" as it is a negative message to a child. To quote Jane Nelson, positive discipline educator " children do better when they feel better." I use time ins w my child where I sit with her while she serves her time. That way you don't send the message that he is unworthy of being in your presence. This child needs you to adjust your expectations he's only five! He's going to make mistakes and that is what it needs to be looked at, as a mistake. I use the language of choices. I never tell a child that they are "bad" or " good" I talk to them about the choice that they are making. "That is not a safe/healthy/good choice" you need to separate the deed from the doer- I am very upset about what you just did. But I still love you. Kids need to know that their parents will love them unconditionally and will not leave them. Ask for help from a local organization if needed- churches, early intervention programs, the school, can all help. Be gentle with yourself parenting is the most difficult job you will ever do. We all feel at a loss sometimes. Make sure that you are doing something for yourself REGULARLY as I find I have a much shorter fuse when I am burned out and feeling empty myself. Even setting your child up w something to do while you take a five minute coffee break in the next room can recharge you, if only for a minute. You really need to make sure that you are meeting your own needs in order to meet your child's. Good luck!
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New Member
joesmom450460
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-25-2014

Re: Punishment

In all honesty, I am surprised you didn't get arrested or someone didn't see you and call the police or worse... take your child. Anything can happen in a split second and all you will have left is the rest of your life to regret it.  He is 5. Not 15. You may have created abandonment issues with him and possibly broken any trust or bond you had with him. I hope that he won't be in therapy trying to recover from this extreme dramatic experience.

 

Have you considered that just maybe, he may not be acting defiant? Maybe, he is showing signs of ADD or ADHD. Maybe you should be concerned about him instead of quick to be angry. He needs your help not your punishment. You should create a healthy safe environment that he will be able to grow and improve with, not fear. Do you really want your child scared that you'll snap one day and leave him at a store because you just don't love him or want him anymore????  I just can't get over what you did.

 

LOVE, PATIENCE, and PRAYER is what you need to help raise him to be a good man.

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Frequent Visitor
khrsh781
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎10-23-2013

Re: Punishment

Hi.in this suition,it is late.better before going shopping,make it clear ,what you expect and then after reminding ,what he forget ,give him five minutes.
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