12-01-2013 04:33 PM - edited 12-01-2013 07:01 PM
I'm new to these forums, but hoping I can get (and contribute) some good insight and advice although, unfortunately, today I'm soliciting the former.
We have a 4 and 3 y/o (both girls), separated by 18 months. Recently, our 4 y/o has taken to punching her younger sister. We've tried timeouts, taking away toys, and talking to her, but apart from the epic tantrums that result, we're getting nowhere. "Sorry" is little more than a word, and I suspect she's gotten used to saying it and then getting her way after the fact.
Today, after fists were thrown on 3 separate occasions, we told the older one she's no longer allowed to go to the zoo in 2 two weeks--no ifs, ands, or buts. We were/are hoping that this will be a lesson to her to think about her actions before throwing fists, but she's now manipulated her younger sister into believing that the zoo is stupid, so now the younger sister wants to stay home too.
The next thing we're thinking about trying is taking away Christmas presents (we do very few to try not to spoil them) and making her donate them instead. I can handle the tantrums and I'm okay with getting her nothing for Christmas if that's what will stop the fist throwing.
Any advice from others who have successfully gotten through this?
12-03-2013 01:58 PM
12-04-2013 04:58 AM
Thanks. That's a good point re: the immediacy of punishment. I'd been thinking about the same thing and that denying her the zoo two weeks into the future wouldn't be a good idea.
The hitting is always the result of tantrums involving her younger sister that just escalate. I'd say they typically begin when they're in the room together (i.e., unsupervised), but it's tough to keep an eye on them in the house for all minutes that they're awake. Not sharing, not getting something the moment she wants it, etc., are among the scenarios that cause this.
I think she may be a bit jealous. Her younger sister requires more attention getting dressed, filling up a cup of water, etc., and I think she sees her parents spending more time with her sister than with her, and it may not sit well with her. We're planning on trying to spend more one-on-one time with her so that she understands that she's loved just as much.
12-08-2013 05:27 PM
I have some articles for you, that you might find helpful. These sites also have a lot of awesome material to sift through.
Here is a wonderful audio on tantrums. Puts it all in a very new perspective. http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/toddler
12-08-2013 05:35 PM