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Regular Visitor
hugop30925
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎03-04-2014

my 3yo does not speak at day care

(sry for long post. im going to try to give the most insightful info)

hello

im new here, i took some time reading other threads in order to see some similarities but i guess all children are different so id like to express my near 3yo problems:

me and his mother broke up when he was 6 moths old, and after that she took him to nursery for the next 3 months.

After moving to other city he only went to daycare after and 1 year, so by time he was almost 2yo he started going to a new community nursery complex. At the begining he had a hard accommodation there, but after 4months time when we first attend a meeting regarding his development the daycare manager told us he had never said a word, never smiled, never shows feelings, rarely responds to others calling him and only like to play alone.

Also the manager said it was too soon to draw conclusions and we should wait. By this time he already spoke several words and was totally able to formulate small sentences, and play happy with other family people he had more contact and confidence. He was a total different person at the nursery. We also noticed that in situation we were in public parks having fun, as soon as another kids showed up we would 'freeze' and stop playing like he was, stopped laughing, and stood very quiet observing and staring into nothing.

After a second meeting after another 4 months the daycare manger told us to make a ear check to see if was earning ok, we did, and the doctor his ears were totality ok. She also said he had developed on some levels but has no significant changes on the matters she previously appointed.

After this he was moved to the 2yo room, with another daycare manager, and on the 1st meeting after the usual 3-4 months she had noticed the same paterns her coleage did. Althought she mentioned stuff in a more positive way and told that my kid developed group activities in a proper manner, he just didnt seek others to play, always playing alone, does not smile, and only speaks with her and s not much.

After another 4 months, yesterday the mother went to a 2nd meeting only to ear the same very things again, when asked for what to do she said she didnt know, but it could be good if we ended some of his vicious behaviours, and suggested hiding his daily toys that he takes to daycare from home (same toys that he gets attached from time to time and refuse to leave them), because there he only plays with hose toys on playing time, and alone.

By now my kid about to make 3yo, goes to this nursery since January 2013, and his development in terms of interacting with other has never develop much, while at home and lets say 'more comfortable' venues he likes to play and laugh a lot, even with my friends and their kids (some are older) he interacts, but me or mom are always there. With other family member its the same, hes very comfortable playing, as long as there is not too much unknown people in the environment and surroundings.

The community is relatively small, and the country we live in, the psychology science is very 'delayed' in some terms, people are very traditional here, so in my opinion they are neglecting a problem, several times we were told to wait and see, this is just pathetic, my son goes there for more than a year, 8 hours a day, that sums more than 1500 hours, what are we exactly waiting for?

My biggest concern is that the mother is avoiding going to doctors in order to get a evaluation based on the assumption that we were told by daycare and friends he did not had autism "cause autism implies x and y patterns, blah, blah". Theres the common mentioning of other examples that had same issues and all of a sudden start talking at 1st grade, and other nonsense comparisons.

I need to convince the mother to see doctors specialist on his area, advice me please.

Community Manager
ModChristine
Posts: 1,505
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

I read your post very carefully taking in all that you said. I will be honest that Autism popped into my mind before you even mentioned it. Although a Doctor/Specialist is the only one that can diagnose it. My advice would be to maybe do some research on the internet and share it with your child's Mother. It can't hurt to have him evaluated. Does he make eye contact? Is he affectionate?
~ Christine ~
Mom to a sweet little girl and 2 busy boys
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New Member
chelsc85
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎03-29-2014

Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

I am the mom of a 6 year old daughter that has autism, and the things that you are saying about your child sounds like a lot of the signs that made my fiance and I take our daughter to get evaluated plus her preschool teacher was also noticing signs that also made her think autism. I think sometimes the problem as a parent is being in denial I know I was at first my fiance kept saying our daughter is showing a lot of similarities as our nephew who also has autism, but I just kept saying she will grow out of it. Then I realized I am only hurting one person and that was my daughter. So if possible maybe try and make the mom of your child realize whatever the outcome may be this is for your child who can not do what he needs on his own he needs you 2. Just remember you are his voice!!
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New Member
ktu1111
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-16-2014

Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

Hi,

I had a similar situation with my now 7 year old daughter from ages approx. 3-5yr old. I was very concerned as well. Basically, she seemed just fine at home when she was interacting with myself , my husband and younger sister. She talked. played, laughed,and basically expressed herself well. She also was fine with her aunts,grandma and cousins.

School however it was a different story. She was highly anxious to go to school (which she attended from 3-5 yrs old) and when she got there she would not speak. She would basically cry when she got there and then remain pretty emotionless the rest of the day. She would not readily join in and play or speak to the other kids and would never say a word to her teachers After a few weeks or so thankfully she made one friend and things became bearable. She would only play with and speak to this one friend until eventually she also made one more friend about 6 months later. 

Same thing at the playground. If another child came up to her and wanted to play she would just freeze, not make eye contact or talk to the other kid. Also, this would happen when any adult that she did not know would speak to her. She would just stare away and not smile, basically ignoring the person until they would leave her alone. No amount of coaching on my part seemed to make a diffence.

By the time she was 5 , they couldn't do a kindergarten assessment on her because she would not speak to any adults at the school at all . By now, she had  known these kind , nurturing teachers for 2 years.The teachers thought maybe it was a control/behavioral issue.  I felt it was more anxiety based.We ended up seeing a developmental psychologist (child did not come with us) After describing her behaviors, he let us know it sounded similar to selective mutism rather than autism or another problem. He predicted she would grow out of it in 6-12 months.

And the great part was she did! In kindergarten she started speaking to adults in a whisper and made a couple of friends. !st grade went really well and she really blossomed socially. 2nd grade is going great. She still has a quiet, shy temperment , but she will speak to any adult when spoken to and has a nice group of friends she plays with well.

Her preschool was great, but I noticed she thrived when she entered kindergarten where the day was structure with less free play.

 

 

 

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