01-28-2014 08:22 AM
If a child is old enough to ask a question, (s)he is old enough for an answer.The answer doesn't have to be in detail or elaborate; just give the briefest response and if that isn't enough to satisfy the child (s)he will ask another question. The next question will give you a clue as to how much more to include in your next answer. Keep on answering as long as the questions continue. You will find, in fact, that if you DO make your first response long and involved, the child will generally become impatient and shut you down.
That said, my parents waited far too long for any talk. When my brother was 9, back in the early '50s, he was called into the principal's office for "making dirty signs." We were raised in a cocoon and had NO idea there were such things as the "middle finger salute," etc. and his innocent gesture (while picking his nose LOL) got him into hot water because our parents kept us ignorant. There are MANY aspects to "the talk" and some of those discussions should take place as soon as your child enters the schools system.
01-28-2014 11:46 AM
02-06-2014 12:13 PM
Now's the time. My 9 year-old daughter seemed resistent to my attempts to talk to her, but I insisted we have the talk. After we fininshed, I asked her if she had any questions. She said, "Mom, I already know about this stuff!" I asked her how she found out. She said she called ASK A NURSE!
03-28-2014 09:18 AM - edited 03-28-2014 09:21 AM
I know I am joining the party late, but this is an interesting and informative topic. I have a 5 1/2 yr old girl and a 2 1/2 yr old boy. I had my son a month before my daughter turned 3. She eventually asked how her brother got out and we simply told her that when mommy went to the hospital the doctors helped get her brother out. Since she has gotten older she has also asked how her brother got in my belly. I feel that sort of thing is not appropriate to discuss at her age and I told her that it was something I could tell her more about when she got older. She also has seen me buy and grab feminine products and asked what they are for and I told her it was something grown woman have to use sometimes and I would explain more to her when she was older. All of these answers have appeased her for now and I fully intend to explain everything at the age I think is appropriate. When she was around 3.5 or maybe 4, I spoke to her several times (to make sure it stuck) about what "private parts" were and that any area that was a private part (covered by underwear and her "ninnies") was only to be looked at or touched by a doctor when mom or dad was present or by mom or dad during bathing, dressing, or if she says something hurts or is itchy. She has never forgotten that lesson and I am happy I taught it to her.
Recently, I made the decison to teach both of my children the "techinal terms" of their genitals. The 2 yr old was able to pronounce his just fine, my daughter...well, it is a funny word and she has trouble remembering it. She also giggles and thinks "booty" is a funny word...but she's 5. The two have them have taken countless baths together and know that boys and girls are different. I have a friend who won't even let her daughters (4 & 2) see her change her infant son's diaper b/c she is not ready to have that conversation, which I think is a bit extreme, but, as we all are, she is entitled to her own opinions and ideas on how to raise her kids.
There was a quote in a book said by a father to his daughte rwhen she asked about something sexual she overheard that really struck a chord with me. I don't have the book on hand, however it was something along the lines of "See how heavy this suitcase is that I am carrying? It is too heavy for you as you are a child. This is why I carry it for you, because it is too heavy for you. Some knowledge is the same as this suitcase. Right now it is too heavy for you, so I will carry this knowledge for you until you are big enough to carry the burden youself."
03-28-2014 10:47 AM
I don't believe you should judge a parent based on something you saw that you judge as wrong! Everyone was taught differently, and so all of our opinions differ when it comes to "whats right and what's wrong", jennifer. If I was "Victorian" in my views (whatever the hell that even means!) I'd be pretty offended by your comments. Just saying.. I know we all have our opinions, but I almost felt like you were degrading Christine for her choices as a parent and thats not what this community is for. Just saying. This community is designed to help others, and uplift and help.. not make her feel bad for her decisions. I have left communities for that reason. Please, please, please reread your posts before posting and think about it those comments could be misconstrewed.
Christine: I believe you should let your heart do the deciding here. Every child is different. You can't say that all 8 year olds "need the talk" because some 8 year olds have no interest in it and aren't even mature enough to handle it. Then you have some 8 year olds who are wise and more mature for their years and who could handle that type of conversation. If you feel like your children are getting curious about sex or are hearing things, then maybe it is time to have a talk with them. You are the one who knows your children best. You could also give an age apropriate discussion for now, and in a few years, give a more detailed one.
My step son is 15, and his mom lives 5 hours away and we aren't sure if hes had the talk yet. We are having it this weekend. Im pretty sure by now hes figured out that sex can make a baby.. seeing as I just had his sister a year and a half ago and hes pretty smart. Honestly though hes been pretty sheletered most of his life and Im not sure having a talk when he was 9 would have been real effective.
My mom had the talk with me at 9, but then reiterated it again in more adult terms at 14. It stuck more at 14 than 9. Just saying.
03-31-2014 06:41 AM - edited 03-31-2014 06:44 AM
Thank you Brie, I agree.
All children mature at different rates and some are ready to discuss things earlier than others. I am proud of how I raise my children and have no regrets on talks that we have or have not have at this point in their lives. I will speak with my son very soon regarding this subject. It will be an age appropriate discussion and we will revisit it as we need to. I will encourage his questions so he can get accurate information from us and not just go on what he hears at school or on the school bus.
04-01-2014 08:39 AM
Christine: Sounds like a great plan I agree about not making sex seem dirty or something to be ashamed of and usually if the parents act awkward about discussing it with their children, then the children will be reluctant to come forward later on when the questions probably matter the most because they may not remember the details of your talk, but they will remember if you were uncomfortable with it and wont feel comfortable coming back to you about it.
You probably should encourage an openness to the subject, but you definitely don't want them believing everything they hear on the bus or at school.. perfect example of how bad that could go .. if you watch the Goldbergs on ABC on tuesdays. The father went to "have the talk" with his oldest son and his son was like "so, is it true you can get a girl pregnant if you french kiss after midnight?" I was literally Rolling over laughing over that, but its also true as to what we hear and believe as kids from our friends!
I hope your talk goes well