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Occasional Contributor
livsysjd
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎12-04-2013

Re: The "talk"...

[ Edited ]

I agree with what everyone up above me has said.  I personally go off of Finlands rather open dilogue regarding sex.  Teaching our children about sex, what it means, realtionships and things to be aware of, is a good thing.  I actually sat with my oldest at 10 and showed him a condom.  We talked about the condom, how to use it, what it helps with and what it didn't.  I gave him one to play with because the more you normalize using birth control the more likely a teen will.  I also buy condoms in front of my boys ( even though I don't use them) just to reinforce and role model.  I have never had ' A talk' with my kids.  It's been an ongoing natrual process since the day they were born, starting out with, callng their genitals by the right name. I have an almost 16 year old that has never had sex.  I know this because we talk about it.  I know he wants to and he shares this.  He knows it's normal and ok to want sex and we don't put it down.  He is aware of std's and teen pregnancy. Going with the open and honest path that we have as parents has actually made our son not be active.  He has abstained because of our openess.  We have taken a lot of the curiosity out of it and made it a reality of sorts. Sex is normal to our family and we don't have any personal ties to religion, so that doens't get in our way.  You should really research other countries.  Google the lowest teen pregnancy rates and see what they do so differently then the United States. You can't wait till a kid is 13 or older to discuss sex.  Start it now and just be age appropriate.  I always told my kids if they ever had any questions that we would give them the truth compared to their friends.  They have multiple times taken us up on that offer.  BTW, I don't even want to imply that all of this has been easy or is easy.  We have all had our uncomfy moments and still do. Most of that has been due to my own past, upbringing and fear.  I don't want to rasie my children that way, though. So, I push past myself privately and go forward.  It's my job and they deserve it.

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Contributor
VLCenter
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎11-13-2013

Re: The "talk"...

I really appreciate your sharing and also I agree to your saying that sharing of such stories with ones kids depends upon the maurity level achieved. I have seen a profound effect in terms of growth pattern of kids and find it quiet un-expected as the maturity is coming at an early phase of life itself.

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Occasional Contributor
jennifer.waikiki
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎09-30-2013

Re: The "talk"...

I came across this e-mail and it has me nervous, I have a boy who will be & in a few months and I thought I had a LONG time to go. I was thinking around 13 or 14 at the earliest. Seeing that it is on average to do this around 10 makes me sad. I feel its too young and at 10 years old my son should be into sports and other childhood activities, not sex. Its sad if thats what 10 year olds are doing. Would obviouls rather keep him safe and from becoming a teenage father.

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Occasional Contributor
livsysjd
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎12-04-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Jennifer, I totally understand what you're saying.  One way of looking at it, is that you're not taking away anything from your ds as a child.  He will still be a kid, doing all of this normal stuff.  Most 10 year olds are actually not interested in sex or even developmentally sexual.  Girls still have cooties in many cases.  It's about education ( although not teaching through fear).  As parents we won't over-' sexualize' our children by giving correct educational information. Studies show that, by raising children with the correct information, answering their questions when asked ( instead of changing the subject), creating an environement to where the child feels he/she can talk and providing age appropriate information actually delays a child's first time experiance.  What a parent is really doing is educating their child about their body and procreatiion. If a parent can take a more academic view of this whole process, it makes it so much easier.  Imagine if a child had a human anatomy teacher as a parent.  Or a child had a parent who was a dr. that specialized in std's.  Or a child who's parent was a fertility/reproduction specialist. I would think these conversations would naturally come up in the home.  I would think some of these people would enjoy sharing information/edcuation with their children.  There is nothing sexual about education.  That's how I really look at it all.  Education takes a lot of the being curious and needing to look elsewhere ( which many times ends up being inappropriate) for information.  I do believe teaching kids about sex and their bodies, before hititng puberty and all the natrual hormones that kick in, is best. Teens are very different when all their hormones kick.  These conversations take on a whole new face and meaning compared to when a child has been educated in the younger years.  You also get very different questions from a 10 year old compared to a 14 or 15 year old. 2 very different worlds. The older they are the less they want to talk as well, no matter how educational you try to be.  They are easily embarrassed compared to when younger and sex really does have a whole new meaning, and their bodies biologically know it and feel it at that older age. Bottom line is the more educated a child is, the more confident he becomes, the longer he will wait ( typically), the less likey they are to enage in risky behavior and the less likely they are to a pregnant teen.  Of course having a loving, involved supporitve and close family plays a big wonderful role as well. =)

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Moderator
ModChristine
Posts: 1,365
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Thank you all for sharing.  I'm reading all of your posts.  It's great to hear how other parents handle this.

~ Christine ~
Mom to a sweet little girl and 2 busy boys
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Contributor
VLCenter
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎11-13-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Hey Christine

 

I think such stories are quiet important for kids as they help in developing imagination power of kids. They do have a profound effect on the child psychology as well. The very sense of love of kid towards pets and little animals starts developing ones you engage them with such stories. They start developing feeling of love and care to such cute animals. So i would say instead pf avoiding it, go for it.

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Occasional Visitor
xaniey
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-28-2014

Re: The "talk"...

Our hand was forced with our 8yr old this past summer. He has a couple of boys he plays with who live down the street. They are twins and he has been in school with them since K. He was there one day and one of them looked up porn on the Internet. They have a teenage sister and apparently overhead one of her boyfriends talking about porn. Anyway, they watched multiple videos. He hasn't been allowed at their house since because of the obvious lack of supervision. But obviously this forced us to discuss it. It has been nothing but a problem since. We sat him down and explained how babies are made and about why it's important to wait til you are in a commuted relationship. He thinks its something to joke about. In no way was he mature enough for this talk. We told him he can ask any questions and most of his questions are the same ones over and over and we have gotten to the point where we won't answer the same thing anymore. He has talked about it in front of relatives, even after being told that it is not appropriate to talk about it to everyone. Obviously his grandparents don't want to hear him explain things like that. He is slowly getting better about it but its still something he wants to discuss every day. We have told him not to ask questions when his 3yr old sister is around and he doesn't care. He will ask in front of anyone he wants or just make lewd comments. my advice is to wait if you don't feel they are ready.
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