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MrsSKbearmom
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎03-06-2014

Strong willed child & stressed out parents!

My husband and I are at our wits end with our 5 yr old daughter. She has always been an independent, strong-willed child. We have gone through phases with her, we know it happens. But lately it seems all we do is yell at her, and she notices. She says all we do is yell at her. Her baby brother even notices. But in all honesty, we have tried time-outs, spanking, a chore chart with a reward at the end of the week - that only seemed to be kept up with for a few weeks and she only received the reward 1 of those weeks. She is just disrespectful. Someone told me, when she was about 4, that she was disrespectful just from hearing stories about her at work and I thought they were being way to judgemental about her behavior for her age. But now I find myself using the same term to describe her.  You ask her to do something and she out-right tells us no. Or you have to repeat yourself several times, and when she does not comply, we end up screaming/yelling it and then she says "Okay, okay, I'm doing it!"  She does everything at her time table, when she wants, what she wants. We tried to think of things we can take away as a punishment, but there is nothing that we can think of. Nothing that she plays with on a daily basis that would have an affect on her. Not even TV because during the week, we are so crammed for time after work to do dinner, homework, and bathing that there is no time for TV. (Because homework is a nightly battle and takes forever to do) My mom baby sat the other day and told me she is a belligerent child. Yeah...I can see that. She argues with us all the time. Oh but man, if you catch her in a lie and pop her and scold her about it, she lets out these big huge tears and is so upset that you don't believe her. Basically anytime she gets in major trouble and gets a spanking and sent to her room, you would think I just burned her beloved bear.

 

I know a lot of it is us as parents and we always say "ok, we have got to stop yelling so much, it is not helping at all and she ends up yelling back" but then when she is right there in front of you and you are asking nicely to "please get dressed" or "please come get ready for bed, brush your teeth" and she just says "No, I don't  want to" or completely zones you out it is so hard NOT to yell. And forget about trying to stay calm during homework. 

 

Over the past few weeks I read so many parenting blogs and looked up information on how to get out of this chaos that is our daily life now. And everywhere I go- church, the internet, Pinterest, commercials, I feel like I am bombarded with helpful parenting tips, and examples of better parenting, and suggestions for discipline......but I look over at my hubsand and we both are like BUT IT DOESN"T WORK!

 

She can be very sweet, loves her baby brother, is smart as whip, but I can shamefully admit that I find I am forcing myself to spend time with her because it has become so unpleasant. I feel like I am forgetting how to be her mother.

 

Anyone else have a strong-willed 5, going on 15, yr old? Or did have one them? Does it get better? How do we get out of this rut of yelling all the time? I dread her teenage years and what our relationship will be like. I want it to be better than mine was with my mom, but now I feel like I am turning into my mom.

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