I have a 7 year old step son and a new baby on the way. My husband and I plan to have more children together after this one as well. I was not a part of the raising of my step son for his first 6 years and there are some things about the way he has been brought up that I not only disagree with but I feel they are not how I want our new baby or the ones after to be raised. My husband is constantly buying my step son things. At least once a week he is buying the child a new toy or more. I also have reason to believe there is more gifting going on behind my back. This child is obsessed with getting new things. We can’t go anywhere without him asking to get something. We went to Disneyland for a week and the child was more interested in spending time in the stores than doing rides. I was horrified. I have tried to subtly bring up to my husband that this does not work for me. I have tried to point out that it is not how I want the younger ones raised and there can’t be two different sets of values for the different kids, I have tried to point out that financially it isn’t practical when we have multiple kids and it needs to be curbed before there are other children so he doesn’t resent them for it, nothing seems to have made an impact even though he never disagrees when we have these conversations. I feel like I need to get a little more vocal about the issue if there is to be any changes made and I am desperate for advice on how to go about it.
It sounds to me like your husband might be in agreement. Gently remind him how important this is to you. Maybe look into getting some help with the situation if your husband can't seem to make a change.