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New Member
erinclark045
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-06-2013

Family

My in laws hate me like hate me I have a 2 year old which they say what they can and can't do n won't let me say or they go behind my back and what I say no on they do anyways well I'm 6 weeks a 1 days and I am scared to tell them cuz they will text my husband and say are u sure the baby's urs u can't afford another she's jus going to tie u down abort it or give it away I no they will cuz they did it with my 1st and when I got pregnant before but lost it. I'm tired of them being the way they r when should I tell them. So I don't have too much stress. And how would I get it they there head it's my children and to butt out n let me be in charge and for them to listen to me. My husband doesn't help he lets them walk over me he's mommas and daddy's boy and I'm always left out.
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Community Manager
Emmys_Mom
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎05-28-2013

Re: Family

I think the key is to talk with your husband and try to get on the same page. Together, you should come up with some general rules for interacting with his family. For instance, if he wants to tell them right away, maybe he should tell them without you present and let them know you aren't comfortable discussing certain aspects of your pregnancy. Reality is you'll receive a lot of advice, both wanted and unwanted, during your pregnancy. Family, co-workers, friends and even people you pass by on the street will see your swollen belly as a free pass to hand out advice and baby dos and don'ts. But hopefully your husband can make his family see that you need support - not criticism - during the next 9+ months. 

 

Good luck with your pregnancy! Let us know when you decide to tell them.

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Occasional Visitor
lbgvance
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-13-2013

Re: Family

I think the key to this situation is having one strong front. You and hubby need to get on the same page. I know that can be easier said than done (I have a meddling MIL and way to nice hubby). Once I seriously talked thru my issues and emotions with hubby he completely understood where I was coming from and joined forces.

 

We have made it very clear that they may not always agree with our disissions but it is OUR family and we will raise our children how we see fit. They had their chance to do the same. It took a while for every visit not to end up in a huge fight but they now keep their mouths shut (most of the time). 

 

PLUS, they should be happy for another grandchild. Shame on them if they are not happy about another blessing from God.

 

Best of luck to you!

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New Contributor
hobie3480
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎08-13-2013

Re: Family

Sorry you have to go through that but shame on your husband for allowing it. I would talk to him about it and have him deal with his family. You are both partners and he should be on the same page as you. He needs to make it clear to his parents that you are his wife and the mother of his child and that they will treat you with respect. If they can't do that make sure your husband knows that you will not visit with them and be apart of them if they are going to treat you that way. As for telling them you are only 6 weeks so I would wait till you hit the 12 week mark. You don't need the added stress. You can just tell your husband that you want to wait to tell anyone till the 12 week mark because it's suppose to be bad luck. There really isn't anything you can do to change your inlaws but  just be really friendly to them and show them respect but do stand your ground. If you tell your child something and they try to undermine you firmly but nicely reinstate what you told your child maybe they will get the hint.

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New Contributor
kelly.novak11
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎08-13-2013

Re: Family

[ Edited ]

Wow, I am in the same situation. My husband was married before and has a 17 year old and a 15 year old. The ex wife has mental issues and walked out on then long before I was on the scene. My husband was raising his boys alone before he met me and with not much support but a lot of criticism from his parents. I unexpectedly found out I am pregnant at 43 and let me tell you, they hit the roof. Their response to him was telling them was "i feel sorry for you" and "she should have an abortion". I was very upset but then I realized that as long as my husband and I stick together as a team, they really don't have a say in how or why we have a family. I think maybe I am old enough to not be intimidated by them and their opinions. I know it's hurtful to my husband so I just support him emotionally and luckily my parents are so thrilled for us that they dilute the negative reaction from my in laws. My advice is to rise above and if push comes to shove, to just gently let them know that you don't really need their permission of what you two do as a couple and that it would be nice if they supported their son. My in laws live 2 hours away from us so I have just told my husband that if they are not interested in being part of our baby's life, then that is their choice. But if they do want to be involved, then the must stay positive or they will be limited in the time we will spend with them going forward. I am always amazed at how people can take something joyful like having a baby and put their own negative agenda to it. Stay strong and remember, YOU are in control of YOUR family, not your in laws. They had their chance to raise a family and they need to back off and respect your life as a couple and a family.

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New Contributor
jktriplett08
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎08-13-2013

Re: Family

I went though the same thing...I will tell you my story and maybe it will help you.

My husband and I are 22, we married at 18 and by 19, I had a baby. My side of the family was very negative, first on our marriage so young and second on our baby news, although, it wasnt that bad at first. I am now almost 6 weeks pregant. I was so scared to tell my family. I knew what they would say...
" your too young", "one is enough", "your still in school", "your struggling with bills now how will you afford it"...they said this on a regular basis before the baby...
However, my husband and I planned this child after months and months of thinking it through. I was planning on keeping it a secret, but I realized I should be able to share this blessing. So, I told everyone and made the announcement big and exciting...
I made a sign for my 2 year old son to hold that said "Im going to be a big brother!" He had the biggest smile! I tagged all my immediate family, those I knew probably wouldnt be too thrilled the caption read (coming april 2014!!! So excited!)... by the time they looked on facebook, my husbands family and our friends all had commented, saying how excited they were, the photo recieved so many "likes".... The next day my family called...I was ready for the blow... idk if they saw all the happy comments and decided not to be the negative nancy of the group or if they really had a change of heart or what, but they said.. "well it will be hard, but its really nice that they will be close in age, and we cant wait to throw a huge baby shower! it ill be nice to see a cute baby around"
I about $h!t a brick! lol I planned for the worse...
I think doing it online helped..they were able to see everyones positive comments, and they could take the nessesary time they needed to "take everything in" without us looking at them for an imediate response. I say just tell them...if not, then they could get mad for keeping it a secret for too long... If they are negative still, tell them all your children need is a roof over their heads, food, clothes, and most important...love...which you can provide plenty of.

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Occasional Visitor
RanchMommy_1533
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-13-2013

Re: Family

I have to admit I kind of have the same thing going on here... From day one my MIL was convinced that it wasn't my hubby's baby, and from then on it was like I stole their 'baby boy'. I'm 4 years in and it's still coming! My husband was seriously injured a couple years ago and she said the entire family was coming after my husband specifically said he didn't want anyone to come. Me and the in-laws then proceeded to go ROUNDS (like my MIL said I would never understand her love for her son because I didn't love my girls). My best advice is to tell your husband that you want a relationship with them but you can't when they hurt you! Then you need to tow the line with your in-laws. When they say something behind your back, respectfully confront them about it. Even if they deny it, they now know you know and aren't afraid to bring it up to hash it out. You are a person in this dynamic too... I know i'm really good at it and it's something i'm trying to overcome, but DON'T be a rug. You are worth so much more!!!

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