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Occasional Visitor
jmpelletteri
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I am battling the same scenario. The only difference is that I want a second child but want to be done having kids by the time I'm 30ish (I'm 29 now) which means getting pregnant SOON. The catch is that my husband is not ready for a second kid (our first is turning 4 in March). My feeling is that if you have been contemplating having a second, have one if everything else is right; it would be great for the first to have a sibling. I have heard that having a second child is easy because you are already accustomed to parenthood.

My concerns with having another kid are: am I willing to give up part of my time with kid #1 for a second? Am I willing to give up sleeping through the night? Am I willing to give up the ease/independence of getting ready and out of the house on time?

There are pros and cons to both sides. I think if you are willing to make sacrifices for the negative aspects for a few more years, go for it; it would be great for the first to have a sibling and someone to be with when they are older and out of the house.

Best of luck with your decision.
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BabyLuvsLucy
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎01-04-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

Having 2 kids, no matter the age difference is not easy! It is exhausting and tiresome. It is also amazing beyond words. Only you (and your spouse) can decide if you are going to have another child.
Here are a few things I've learned from having a girl (almost 5) and a boy (almost 2) almost 3 years apart:
You are never mentally or emotionally prepared for either of them. Even if at some point during your pregnancy you think that you are, the baby comes and you realize your aren't.
Baby #2 will most likely be completely different than your first. Personality, sleeping habits, feedings, soothing techniques - you are going to have to learn them all over again. That's not to say that some of the stuff you did with your first baby won't work at all, but it will definitely be different.
Prepare to be shocked! Even though my children are barely 3 years apart, it was amazing to see how much we had forgotten from our first. Our daughter was becoming more and more independent every day and then we had our son and babies are COMPLETELY dependent on you. You have to adjust your thinking all over again. It really does take some time to adjust.
My kids make each other laugh in ways that no one else can - not even my husband and I can make our children laugh the way they do when they play with each other. I LOVE listening to them laugh with each other.
Sometimes they are best friends and sometimes I'm sure they wish they were an only child (if they can even comprehend that at their age, I suppose). This can mean double the tantrums but also double the fun.
Before our son was born, my husband and I used to wonder how we would ever love another being the way we love our daughter...don't worry about that...it really does just happen - you definitely have the room to live them both equally and THAT is such an amazing feeling and experience as a mom.

Being a mom of 2...it can be really challenging sometimes, but it can also be completely rewarding.

Just make sure that you follow YOUR heart. If you do that, then you will definitely not have any regrets either way. I hope some of the things I shared will be helpful in some way. Good luck to you.
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Occasional Visitor
alw.pharm
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I was sure we were happy with our son as an only child and that we wouldn't try for another. Then we suffered a loss in the family and it became painfully obvious to me how important it was for my husband to have the support of his brother and even though I, his wife, was there for him....it was different. His brother was someone he grew up with and the feelings (towards the loss of a parent)were mutual and just understood . They were able to support one another and be there for one another differently than I could. Shortly after, we tried for #2, we wanted our son to have family even after we are gone and we want him to have a sibling bond that is unbreakable. We now have 2 little boys. ..one 6 weeks and one almost 4.
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New Member
teegtheis
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

Something we considered is later, much later in life.... as I watch my parents & in laws deal with their elderly parents. I want my kids to hopefully have one another when we are old or passed on. Morbid maybe, but something to think about.
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nak3bg
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

With you on this--though I'm without a partner and have financial barriers that absolutely prevent a "Go," but studies show that 5 years between siblings is ideal for siblings (my youngest will be 6 this year..*she's* all for a new baby!). I think the biggest factor for you to consider will be help available--I strongly believe that it's the elders who best raise the children so I say if baby number 1 was healthy and there's at least one grandparent in the picture who'd be happy about baby #2--Go for it!

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New Member
CNW826
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I am at the same crossroads. I have a 5 year old. He is my everything. He asks me when he can have a little brother or sister all the time. I think he sees his friends with their siblings and just wants to relate. I would like to have another child but my circumstances are different. I'm in a rough relationship with my sons father and really don't want to repeat the last 5 years but I really don't see myself having a child with someone else. I'm 37. My time is incredibly short to make a decision. I would like my son to have a sibling to share things with. I myself am an only child and always wished for a sibling. I went through a parents death alone and so wish I had a sibling to share the hard times with. I don't know what to do myself. I wish you luck.
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New Member
nursey2k7
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I'm in the same situation right now. Only I have two boys, they will be 3 and 1 in April.
I would love to try for a girl and if we end up having another boy that's fine as well.
Logically, my brain tells me we are done.
Emotionally, my heart tells me the opposite.
I am a L&D nurse and seeing pregnant moms makes me miss it. Miss the feeling of nurturing, growing a life for 9+months. The feeling of the baby kick. The excitement of meeting your new little one. On the other hand, I remember the miserable feeling towards the end.
I've been thinking after talking to a friend. She told me that she looks at it this way.
How do you envision your family table during the holidays when your children are grown?
Do you see one child with their spouse and their children? Or do you see a larger family with made up of your children, their spouses and their children?

Also, I feel like if their is even the slightest doubt in your head then you are not done.

The one thing I'll say from having two is that it was definitely a lot harder than I thought it would be learning to juggle two. Get into a routine etc. Now that the youngest is going on one and the other three, its not that bad.
The first few months were difficult, but the have become easier and easier as time passes.

The "good" surprise, if you want to call it as a surprise would have to be the joy my husband and I feel when our boys interact with one another. It makes my heart smile!:smileyvery-happy:
One of the best feelings in the world.

Give it time. If the doubt doesn't subside. There is your answer....
Good luck!:smileyhappy:

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