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Occasional Contributor
KristinGR9782
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎01-03-2014

Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I thought I was pretty decided on only having one (she is 5), then our best friends told us they were pregnant before Thanksgiving and it has really messed with my head. That little voice started asking 'What if you had another one...?' and I feel so torn. I know it is something that ultimately I have to decide on my own, but I was wondering if there was anyone else out there that had a hard time deciding whether to have a second one or not. And if so, what ultimately helped you make the decision (in either direction)? I am happily married and my husband is all for it, though would be fine if we didn't since he thought we were done too. My first was not planned and I was not prepared mentally or emotionally, and that is where my resistance lies I think.  Also, if you have had a second one, what has surprised you the most (good or bad) about having two instead of just one? I really appreciate any input!

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Regular Contributor
HostTammy
Posts: 245
Registered: ‎05-28-2013

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

Its tough to help someone decide on this sort of thing. Its such a personal choice. 

 

My sister always wanted just one. She has one 10 year old son. She doesnt understand how people do more than one child. She is content with one.

 

I have three, thought I was done at two until my second one was four yrs old. I had my third child at age 42. I might have had one more if I had started younger.

 

I think you know you are done when there is no doubt. I think if you are unsure, then you you might want to give it some time to let the thought settle before you make any decision s.

 

its a great topic. I would love to hear what everyone else thinks. How do you know when you are done having kids. How do you know its right to have another one?

 

Take care. Loom forward to hearing what you decide to do.

Tammy

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Frequent Visitor
cherylkulaga28
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-11-2013

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

Im almost 29 yrs old , I have a 5 and a half yr old , 4 yr old , 2 and a half yr old and i have twins who are almost 6 weeks , i wanted 4 children but ended up with 5 as i had twins , ive been stearilized as we dont want anymore but we had discussed it , i think people should stop having kids at 38 but everyone is different so each to their own , its up to you if u want another one.
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Occasional Visitor
kupoot
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

When my son was about 2 I would get emotional around babies; I would love to hold them, and think about having another. After my 2nd I would still love to hold babies, but was just as happy to hand them back. That's when I knew I was done. I still reminisce about when my kids (now 8 & 5) were babies, but I don't miss it.
I think what surprised me the most was the different personalities. What worked for one did not for the other. You hear all the time that every kid is different, but to see it in action is a little disconcerting. Some of the things I took credit for, I realized had more to do with my child than my parenting skills.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Kim
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New Member
jsaturday8209
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

I have 2 children. 21 months and 10 weeks. I always knew I wanted at least 2, but now I struggle with whether or not to have more.
Here's what I know. I'm 32 years old and wanted to be done having children by 35, so I wasn't high risk. After 19 short months with my daughter, we welcomed our son. I forgot in such a short time how hard it is having a newborn! Then still having another little person to be responsible for is A LOT! Your situation would be a little different, but it's also been much longer for you having had a newborn.

I always wanted a boy and a girl and would've had more definitely if I another girl for my second, but since I have one of both, I feel content. I'm not sure that you're ever not have that little voice that oohs and aahs when babies are born and around. Even as stressed as I get with 2 under 2, I still think about having another when a brand new baby is around.

Ultimately, only you know what is best for you!
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New Member
lucyvanpelt76
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

This is definitely a topic near to my heart. Even before I was married I had wanted two kids. After my husband and I had our first,  I still wanted two. For the longest time,  though, he would keep repeating "just one." I heard him say that so many times I was finally o.k. with just having one. Then suddenly when our daughter was three my husband changed his tune and started talking about having a second. At that point,  he had to convince me.  I struggled with the decision, too, but ended up letting fate decide. About four months later I was pregnant with our second and in my heart I knew it's what I wanted. The nice part about having two with a 4 year age difference is our oldest helps take care of and look out for her younger sister. There was (and still is) some jealously from our oldest, but she is also more understanding that the baby needs extra attention sometimes. So far their personalities are completely opposite, which I guess I expected. All I can really do is wish you the best with your decision :smileyhappy:

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New Member
yea522
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-15-2014

Re: Trying to decide y/n on a second...

My first WAS planned and still, I was not prepared mentally or emotionally, haha! Parenting has it's challenges, but if you have a nice support system (family, friends, emotional support, financial support, etc) I say go for it! You are not alone; don't be afraid to ask for help it a break when you need to. You won't be less of a mom, you're being a responsible and loving mom!

I chose to have another baby with my husband because I have siblings myself; (sister 6 years older and brother 1 1/2 years younger) and like all siblings you have your disagreements, but I have so many wonderful and funny memories and moments with them to this day, that I just couldn't imagine life without them! Also, I have friends who are "the only child" and they've often expressed their resentment to being the only child later on in life (not having that sister or brother they can count on and call, hang out, etc because their friends were busy with their own siblings.).

After having my second child, what has surprised me the most is that it's not as "hard" or as "bad" as I thought it could be. My children are almost 3 years apart in age and he helps out a tremendous amount with his little sister. When I hear them giggle, see them playing, I know for sure we made the right choice in having a second child. I lost my job and solely depending on my husband's income, but I'm still amazed how you truly learn to manage.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck, but I would point out: the longer you wait, the harder your decision will be. If you're going to do it, do it now. Time waits for no one. Best of luck and healthy wishes to you. Please keep us all posted.
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