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ruthiecollins
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-27-2014

Step mom has problem with real mom constantly making the oldest child (12) feel guilty about things

The real mother to my 3 step children constantly tries to make the oldest worry about her, he's 12.  He is out of town visiting his grand parents (whom she no longer speaks to) and just called him to say she's going blind.  Well guess what!  He is incredibly worried now.  She spends most of her time sleeping and telling the kids that she's so sick that no DR knows what's wrong.  Can't work, go to school functions, sporting events etc...I don't want to say anything negative about all of this, but my heart breaks to see him so worried!

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MrsSKbearmom
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎03-06-2014

Re: Step mom has problem with real mom constantly making the oldest child (12) feel guilty about thi

[ Edited ]

Oh that is just awful! I have a nephew around that age and his mom is a piece of work too. He lives with her, but spends a lot of time with his dad and his new family.  Are you on a okay-speaking level with her where you could talk to her about how her behavior upsets him? I wouldn't want to come out and say "hey stop trying to guilt trip your kid" but maybe more of "he worries so much about you because he loves you, but he is just a kid and shouldn't have to have these sort of worries on his shoulders, perhaps it wpuld be best to keep your health issues to yourself?" Or have your husband talk to her if you and her are not at that place yet.

 

Also, I can say from what we have going on in our family, my nephew is starting to recognize and realize things - he is not as gullible as he once was and knows when he is being patronized or lied to, but at the same time he is blind sometimes to things she does that is just not right. It is sad to watch. Just show him love and confidence at home, as much as possible!

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taramheath
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎07-02-2014

Re: Step mom has problem with real mom constantly making the oldest child (12) feel guilty about thi

That sounds like such a hard place to be in! I can't imagine putting those sort of burdens on a 12 year old. From family experience, I know how difficult these sorts of issues can be. I would recommend giving him as much support as you can at home, and perhaps speak to your husband about what is appropriate to say to the real mom of your step-children. Perhaps he has more insight into what she will best respond to. 

 

While it may be difficult to speak up, I think that after you do so you will feel much more relieved. And perhaps now, or when your step-son is a bit older, you can even speak to him directly about the situation. You never know the wisdom that HE might have - kids are often smarter than we think! :smileyhappy: Whatever you decide, good luck and I will be thinking of you! 

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New Contributor
onyekangumezi
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎07-15-2014

Re: Step mom has problem with real mom constantly making the oldest child (12) feel guilty about thi

You and your husband need to sit the kids down and talk to them let them know she's ok and that she's sick in the brain what she is doing she does for attention and she needs help discontinue communication with her until she gets help especially if your husband has custody of the children why is he letting that drama in his household watching his kids stress over nothing pray and I hope your husband has a strong back bone get her in check or this problem will never stop
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