My reality is:I relinquished my rights to parent my son a long time ago. I am humble enough to admit I could not take care of two kids alone. Sharon always intended to give him back but too much time went by. Just so everyone knows it was my choice to let go. I never had him taken from me. So now my 13 year old daughter’s biological father pays for my obligation of support, to my son that has been ripped from my life. Does that make sense to you? I am baffled by it to this day. I’ve never done anything to deserve the treatment I’ve been given by the people that have my child. They think they know my heart but they don’t know anything. Cuz if they knew the truth of my reality, I wouldn’t be writing this blog for the whole world to see.
My sons name is Trey and I would approximate there has been 40 percent of involvement thru his entire life. We have not had a lot of time together, but the times spent were always magical. The time with him was ALWAYS special. I know, that I know, the connection we have will never go away. I know that his family has done so much damage by saying anything they can negative about me, and now he cannot remember any good about us. (I am glad my memory of our time together is still vivid and fresh, I will never forget).
When it comes to losing him, it never made sense that the grandma punished me because of my mistakes, my own choices, for who I am as a person, and not because I wasn’t good for Trey, or because I was harming Trey. Why won’t she let me parent my son? Why can’t I be in his life just for the simple fact I am his mother? Why do I have to do this, and do that, just to have communication? Why does she demand I come to Colorado three times before he can visit me in Oklahoma? Doesn’t she get it, that a trip up there would cost me 800 dollars? If Trey came here it would cost 200. Why can’t she see the hole that is in my heart? Why can’t she see all the dumb **bleep** I have done is because my anger of losing him over took my life? Why does she control Trey like she does? Why can’t she see Trey deserves a life with me and his extended family down here? Most of all, why does she tell herself and everybody that there is no one to help her with Trey, it’s like uh, I am right here, with fireworks going off? Oh Lord, I lay my burdens down.
I am Treys biggest fan and no one wants him as much as I do. I know the completeness I feel inside when he is around. Sometimes when I allow the pain of the emptiness to flow thru, it paralyzes me. There has been days that I cry all day long. Some days I remain angry, other days I block him out. Not being able to reach him and fighting for time has made me stronger, stronger than I ever thought I possibly could be.
All I can do is live day by day. I hope if you find yourself in my shoes that you just take a deep breath and realize nothing ever stays the same, and life always changes. And your baby that you miss so much one day will be 18 and not in control of someone else. So if that is the only thing you can hold onto than hold onto it with all you’ve got, cuz its better than what you probably have now. I have started a hand-written journal for Trey that I write in weekly, and one day he will read everything I have say and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it. SO do that too. Talk to him as if he were right next to you, tell him how you feel, what you did that day, tell him ANYTHING, You’ll find the peace you have searched for, for so long. And keep-up with making an impact, by calling, writing, sending packages, raising hell, just do whatever you can think of. Let me tell you one last thing, screw the court system, it will fail you and you will find yourself wasting your time. It’s all bull**bleep** and warped. Even if you do win, its temporary cuz those assholes in the justice system want you to keep coming back for more. You can dispute a custody agreement every two years in most states. Who the **bleep** wants to go thru that? Honestly with the blogs I’ve read, most people get screwed-over ten times worse than I have. Fight for your baby out of court, you ask how you can do that? Well just THINK! You’ll find your answer.
For all of the caregivers that keep the kids from their parents:
That entitlement you carry sucks and makes you look like a pride-full idiot. I don’t care how, why, or when you took over that child’s life, you do not have the moral right to keep them from having a relationship with their biological parents, if a parent is dedicated to being sincerely involved in their child’s life, just let them. The gift of parenting is a gift from God; it is not property you’ve bought. If you ruin the integrity of the non-custodial parent in any way shape or form you are abusing the child