12-30-2013 12:58 PM - edited 12-30-2013 01:21 PM
I don't think this thread is really going to be productive at all, but this has been a major issue for me since I adopted Sam and I really, really need to vent. My mother hates my daughter, and my relationship with my daughter. She also hates my ex (Sam's adoptive mother), my relationship with my ex, and my ex's relationship with my daughter.
I've never gotten along with my mother. She's a closed-minded, near-sighted, arrogant, **bleep**-retentive, sadistic, manic-deppressive, racist, sexist, ageist, homophobic, hatemongering, bible-thumping, alcoholic monster. Worse, I have no choice but to interact with her, no matter how much I hate her, because she's family.
My mother insists Sam isn't my daughter because she's adopted, that she's an abomination because she's bisexual, that she's damned because I'm an atheist and didn't raise her as a christian, that she's maladjusted because she doesn't live with a woman, that my ex can't love Sam because my ex is part Japanese and she thinks the Japanese are savage monsters incapable of human emotion, that my ex turned Sam bisexual, that my ex is a closet paedophile, that my ex wants to molest Sam, and so many other despicable, repugnant, evil things I've lost count.
I can't get away from this evil old bat because I live in the same house as my grandparents, who think she's not evil she's just "not well, you'll have to forgive her", like they know her so much better than I do. She won't go away on her own either, because just trying to ruin my life just isn't good enough, she needs to ruin Sam's as well. I see her almost weekly, and she does nothing but harass me and my daughter. She has called CPS on me thirty times and the police six times in less than twelve years.
Sam got kicked down a flight of stairs by her girlfriends' mother before thanksgiving, and at thanksgiving my mother followed me around telling me about how Sam's probably going to die, deserves to die, and will burn in hell when she dies, and how happy it'll make her when my daughter is dead and burning in hell. At christmas Sam was there, and my mother followed her around telling her she deserved the die, and praising the woman that kicked her. I had to drag her out of my house and lock all the doors to get her to stop, and even then she kept going for almost an hour and only stopped because all the alcohol got to her and she started throwing up.
I want to keep her away from Sam, or at least make Sam feel better about it, but I can't keep her away and I don't know what to say that's going to make Sam any more comfortable with her grandmother hating her so passionately. I don't know what to do about it, either, since I'm pretty sure that even if it's technically legal I won't be able to get a restraining order on my own mother, especially when I live in the same house as her parents. After her last barrage this christmas I know I have to do something, I just don't know what.
12-31-2013 08:52 AM
First of all, I'm sorry you have to deal with that! Thats NO WAY for a mother to act! Ever. There's no excuse in the world for a grandparent or a mother to act that way!
The best thing you can do is simply avoid all contact. IF you know ahead of time your mother is coming, simply slip out of view, maybe if possible, rent a hotel room for her visit. Your job is to protect your child. Im sorry but even if protecting your child means protecting them from her grandmother, then so beit. As a parent, your child should be your priority, so do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and Sam from her! A restraining order can be placed, but I would definitely help ease the situtation on your grandparents by removing yourself from the house while your mother is there, even for an evening. That way it doesnt cause too much stress on them, since you are staying with them. Be accomodating to them with the restraining order, but I think it's your best option if your mom truly is as awful as you described to both you and your child.
How old is Sam?
12-31-2013 10:42 AM - edited 12-31-2013 10:44 AM
My daughter always has been my priority, but there are a few issues. For starters, my mother drops in without warning. She doesn't call in advance, or talk to my grandparents, she just drops in. (Unless she's staying the night, sometimes not even then.) In addition to that, she's mentally ill. Like, "she's only not in an asylum or something because she hasn't physically injured anybody in twenty years" kind of mentally ill. She understands full well what a restraining order is and what it means, but she doesn't care. She's crazy enough not to think about it before violating it, or to forget it exists for a while, and smart enough at the same time to realize that she can totally get away with violating it because she's severely mentally ill and the courts make huge exceptions for that when it comes to minor offenses like violating a restraining order. I'm fairly certain a restraining order will accomplish nothing.
My grandparents, much to my dismay, are determined to be patient with her because she's mentally ill and they feel that absolves her of all responsibility, no matter what she does. This isn't even the worst thing she's ever done. I still remember the reason I was removed from her custody. I was three years old, and I got the flu. She made me drink half a bottle of scotch to shut me up. That worked about as well as you'd expect. Then she punished me for throwing up on her by beating me with an extension cord. But no, she's mentally ill, so we can't blame her for that. I mean, mental illness totally removes all blame at all times ever. It's not like she's still a thinking human being that possesses some degree of reason or anything like that.
Sam is 12, although you'd never know it looking at her. (She looks about 8, as tiny as she is. Well, except for her chest.)
At this point, I just want to make Sam feel better about it, and make it less of an issue to drop everything and run when my mother shows up. (And since we don't have a car and I don't have a liscense, on account of failing the test every time I tried, I mean that literally.)
01-03-2014 01:01 PM
Have you checked to see what it would take to get her institutionalized? If you can, I would record what she does as much as you can and talk to a lawyer or someone at your local Health and Human Resources department of the state. What she is doing is the highest form of harassment and making everyone's lives miserable. I hope that you can find the help that you need and maybe one day her God will finally get tired of her preaching his word while acting so atrociously and un-Christian like and will strike her down.