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Occasional Visitor
mdminor36737
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-19-2014

Looking for some advice on how to handle an ex's behavior

I'm dating a woman that has two young girls (7 and 4).  Over the past couple of months, I have started to get to know her daughters really well and we get along great.  The girls love me and I really love them too.  They are great kids.  However, my girlfiend's ex is still extremely bitter about the divorce.  This past weekend, the girls mentioned me in their father's presence and he didn't handle it well.  He told them that I was the reason that mommy and daddy got divorced (instead of the fact that his wife found out that he had been seeing prostitutes the entire duration of their 8-year marriage) and that if they like me and wanted to spend time with me than I could be their dad, because he wouldn't want to see them any more.  So the girls are obviously upset and have now told their mom that they don't want her to see me any more.  My girlfriend tried to do the right thing and just told them that daddy's feelings were hurt because mommy had a new friend and that he would be okay once he had a new friend, and since his feelings were hurt he said things he didn't mean.  That seemed to calm them down a bit, but they are still in the "I don't want to upset dad." mode.  I'm just curious if there is any advice out there on how to further handle this situation.  

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Regular Contributor
HostTammy
Posts: 245
Registered: ‎05-28-2013

Re: Looking for some advice on how to handle an ex's behavior

This is such a tough situation for kids. I think the kids mom and yourself haddled the situation well. Shame on dad!

 

I say keep loving those kids and understand that they are caught in the middle of all this. No need to bad talk their dad, in time they will understand what really went on.

 

I do think there needs to be a conversation between the mom and dad to set up some rules. The dad needs to know that it is in his best interest to be on good terms with you because you do spend time with his daughters. He also needs to know that harsh words don't hurt the adults, it hurts the kids. In a perfect world adults would not act like children and we would all keep the kids best interest in mind but thats just not the way it works.

 

Just keep loving those kids so they have someone to turn to if they need to:smileyhappy:

 

Tammy

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