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lamia_eterna
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎01-05-2014

How to deal with a bully

My son spends a lot of time with cousin. L, my son, is 3 and P, his cousin, is 5. P's half brother had a small birthday party yesterday at my MIL's house and L was invited, which is fine. L is still learning how not to get carried away when he plays, sometimes he throws things, sometimes he hits things, he doesn't get a lot of other kid interaction because I am a SAHM and most of the time my husband has the car at work and we live in a elderly part of town, not many kids. So, any time he gets with his cousin is good, a good learning experience, and they get along very well. Well, when I went to pick my son up this morning I heard absolutely horrible things coming from the birthday boy to my son. I was also told L threw dirt on him and hit him at one point. Even P, who L gets along great with, was being very rude and excluding L, even before birthday boy had shown up. My MIL told me L was being rejected and both of the others boys were saying a lot of rude things. Now, part of me, that naughty side, says "yeah, throw dirt on him, he's being really mean to you! if i was his size, i'd punch that kid square in the nose!", while the other side of me knows I have to repriman L for the throwing and hitting, which he had been making great progress on before last night. He was going long periods of time without doing it and then last night, he was back at it. I had a feeling last night when I dropped him off and I saw how P was treating L, just knowing that his brother was coming, and I had a feeling L was going to have issues. They were purposely excluding him, and L was getting upset, for obvious reasons. I understand that P doesn't get a lot of time with his brother and his brother is older, so hanging out with the 3 year old doesn't sound like a good time. IDK, it's just really bothering me. I usually hang out for a little while and let L get in a little more play time in but I couldn't get him out of there fast enough after I heard the things birthday boy was saying to my son. Any tips on how I can process this or handle this with my son? I am not going to make excuses for L's behavior, he knows better and hitting and throwing in unacceptable, period. But part of me also sees it as him expressing his frustration towards someone who is treating him badly, which is also unacceptable.

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New Member
tlower83
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: How to deal with a bully

I completely understand your frustration, but you still need to set those boundaries with L, for not hitting and throwing. Explain to him that even though he is frustrated there are better ways to handle situations like these. Teach him positive outlets for frustrations, it will help you and him in the long run. If you do nothing he will learn that when things aren't going his way (even though this is not one of those situations) he can hit or throw things at people. It's easier to teach them now the let him slide on this and have to start the teaching over if he does this again. Keep the consistency going that you already have. Talk to your MIL and let her know what you are doing and let her know she needs to follow your rules as well, let L know that violence is not the way to handle this and to walk away, if he's cousins continue with their negative behavior and your son isn't responding, there is nothing that can be said or turned on you when you step and talk to the cousins parents about their children's behaviors. Good job on being a protective mommy and wanting fair treatment for your son.
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NurturingMom247
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: How to deal with a bully

It is frustrating when kids are fighting! -keep in mind your son is 3 and as you obviously are a good mom and want him to understand good behavior, teaching him to use his words/pass things, he will continue to need reminders of the do's. Maybe this is an opportunity to help the other family out by example. The birthday boy will learn frm his parents, so if they aren't teaching good manners, usually I find that a cry for help from uninformed parents. So go ahead and say to the birthday boy loud enough for the parents to hear, "we speak kindly, were you frustrated? Those words don't match such a happy booy like you." Choose to praise when your son is sharing/ being kind, first. Print/write/draw your basic house rules on paper that maybe that family will see. You could print one up for them and be excited to share it! Emphasis parents will follow as well:smileyhappy: So, rules: "1) Do use kind words; no yelling or name-calling." Then choose discipline: sticker for good choices; reminder of house rules as a first chance, followed by a 3 min reflection/timeout/breather if the rule is broken regardless of location. I recommend checking out the american academy of pediatrics book for ages birth to 5 for development so you understand this age level behavior is normal and needs constant reminders! Hang in there and be the shining parent for others; we all can use help!
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Frequent Visitor
queencherry18
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: How to deal with a bully

Idk...it's really a pickle of a situation. I'm going through this with my son. It's very unfortunate that on one side we have parents, like ourselves, that take the time and obligation to correct our kids when they are wrong. On the other side, there are the parents who let their kids run crazy- like animals. Sometimes I feel like I'm teaching my son to be too good and too nice...
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New Contributor
lamia_eterna
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎01-05-2014

Re: How to deal with a bully

UPDATE: I found out the day after I wrote this post that my son, L, had been put in time out for his actions but the other boys were not even scorned for theirs, even though my MIL agreed that what they were doing was wrong. I just don't understand why one party was punished but not the others, and L's actions might not even have occured if it hadn't been for the provocation of the others'. I don't understand why. I know what he did was wrong, and I understand him being put in time till he cools his jets and that he needs to apologize and the full gravity of the situation should be plced according to his level of understanding, but I feel it was unfair to allow the instigators off completely. She even admited to seeing birthday boy rip a toy from L's hand and throw is away, L standing there crying, and nothing was done. Not a peep. So frustrating.

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