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MrsSKbearmom
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎03-06-2014

How do you control youself IN THE MOMENT?

Okay, so we have noticed lately our 5 1/2 yr old daughter has been lying a lot lately. From spinning tall-tales, acting like she knows everything to blatantly lying to our faces when we saw with our own eyes what happened. And from what I have read today on here and another parenting site, this is pretty normal behavior for the age. And everything I read has this advice of staying calm, find out why they lied, be sympathetic, etc, etc.

 

The reason I am here today is because....what do you do if you already exploded? I was SO furious at her deceitful behavior this morning. I know I can't go back in time and change what occured at my house this morning. After my initial freak-out and we were on our way to school  I told her she would not be allowed to watch TV or play on her InnoTab when she got home from school. I feel terrible for the way I reacted, but I know I can't let her see that, I can't ler her get the upper hand, ya know? And I find myself feeling this way a lot. Like my initial, triggered reactions are not good parenting behavior and NOT the way I wanted it to go down. I read up all on all the wonderful ways to discipline your children without yelling, spanking, etc but whenever something happens it is like I turn into The Hulk! I have actually apologized to her for over-reacting and explaining that I just extremely angry and disappointed and that even mommy's are not perfect and we have our bad days too. But gosh darn-it I would love to not have to do that anymore! How do you keep your cool?

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Regular Contributor
cassie186
Posts: 182
Registered: ‎08-20-2013

Re: How do you control youself IN THE MOMENT?

Sometimes I have to put myself in time out. And I say to myself over and over I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids...

 

It's HARD. We all lose our cool sometimes. When I do I take that time out moment for myself too. And when we come back together and talk I let my kid know that I was really upset and I am sorry for overreacting by doing x,y,z. It's important for her to see that I feel bad about blowing up and I don't think in any way it gives her an upperhand as long as the actual rules are still firm. I do think it's important for her to see that I don't like to yell and scream and it makes me feel out of control so that she can know that I'm working really hard on controlling myself and also that if she does the same thing, she needs to respect other people and say that she is sorry and take time to cool off too. 

 

I have noticed that lack of sleep and not eating well inhibits my ability to control my emotions, and if I'm not on top of taking care of myself then I have a much more difficult time. I also have some chronic pain issues that I'm addressing right now and if I'm behind on my pain management it makes it even more difficult for me to be calm yet firm.

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Moderator
ModChristine
Posts: 1,113
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: How do you control youself IN THE MOMENT?

I think we all have to put ourselves in a time out as parents!  I'm the Mom of 3 and boy there are days when I feel like a referee!  I've been known to go to my room or bathroom and just take a deep breath to compose myself.  I try not to let myself get caught up in the chaos or the yelling because it just snowballs from there.  If it's a moment when myself or my husband are really upset with one of the kids about a specific thing, we will send that child to their room while we discuss how to handle it so when we talk with him/her, we have ourselves composed.

~ Christine ~
Mom to a sweet little girl and 2 busy boys
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