02-17-2014 05:00 AM
I have tried everything and I was hoping maybe people here could help get a point across.
Let me give you a back story.
My beautiful daughter, Skylar, was born July 5th, 2013. Around he time of the birth me and her mother decided to move to New Hampshire (we were just outside Phoenix, AZ) where much of my family is located, simply because we agreed it would be a much better setting to raise a child. We made the move and things were going good at first until about a month in. She decided (without discussing with me) that she would go visit home for a week. At first I was a little taken aback as I thought it was a little rude and inconsiderate towards me but I realized that it was a hard transition point in her life and that she was likely just missing family. A week goes by and were winding down to the day she is supposed to come back and me and my family are extremely excited to see them both. (A week felt a lot longer than I previously anticipated) At about an hour before her flight I called her to make sure everything was going well and to confirm that we would still be picking her up at the time she told us... No answer, but I didn't think anything of it because I know how hectic things can be before a flight. About 2-3 hours later I get a call from her, "I missed my flight."
Now this didn't surprise me, shes far from a punctual person and often has trouble doing things on time. She then says she will book a new flight for a few days later. That date rolls along and she "misses her flight" again. This process repeated half a dozen times, all of which myself or members of my family were dropping everthing we had to make sure we could be around to pick her up. About a little over a month over when she said she would be back she was "finally able to make a flight". Now I'm going to be honest, this event hurt me deeply. Not only did the separation from my daughter take a toll on me but a saw a dark side of someone I love. She lied to and decieved me and my family multiple times and just showed an overall lack of care and commitment to our family. What hurt the most were the first few interactions with my daughter once they were back where she would scream her head off crying as if I was some unknown stranger. Time heals though and eventually things started to go back to normal.
Fast forward two months.
Right after Christmas she decided she wanted to go see her family again and, like previously, she bought a flight without talking to me about it. It wasn't until two days prior when I recieved a call from my father saying he heard from my girlfriend's grandmother that they were expecting her... I'm not going to lie, this made me pretty angry and I got very scared the same event was about to repeat itself. My mom decided it would be good if we all sat down and talked openly about our plans and our expectations for each other. After much talk we came to the conclusion that she was REALLY only going out for a week and would be back on time. She basically saw this as a way for her to show me I can really trust her. So once again they were off. This week was even harder as I constantly felt anxiety over the uncertainty but I stayed as positive as I could; this was the person who I love, we had ofter talked about marriage and there was NO WAY that she would repeat those events again, right? No
The same exact thing has happened, the only difference being that rather than her being gone for a month it has been nearly two months!
I'm noticing that it has really taken toll on my because people who have no idea of this situation (co-workers and friends) have asked me regularly if everything is okay, so apparently my pain has become visible. I suffered from some depression in high school but what I feel now is a whole new monster.
I have obviously talked to her extensively about this asking her to put herself in my shoes or asking her if she thinks its good for me to not be in Skylar's life. She never had a father and doesn't see the harm in it because "she grew up just fine".
I have excercised the idea of moving back to Arizona and therin lies another problem. I recently (as of November) started a very good job given my situation, a true once in a lifetime chance. I have family in the company that put in a very good word allowing me an interview where they like me a lot. They hired me, despite the fact that I have no degree or no experience, which they usually require for just an interview. It is a job that allows me to have the income and benefits necessary to support a family. If I didn't have this job I would likely have to work 60+ hours at a low wage position in order to support us. The kicker is they have a facility that I could work at in Arizona, the only issue is I cant do that until I and 100% done with training and they are able to assign me which may not be the case until later this year and I do not want to be away from my daughter that long.
I just don't even know what to do anymore, I am slowly losing my mind. None of this has hit home for her so I was hoping maybe some confirmation from people on here about how what shes doing is inconsiderate towards me and her daughter and how important a father figure is may help open her eyes. Any help is greatly appreciated. I just want my family back, I don't believe anyone should have to endure this and it is driving me to a very dark place.
Thank you in advanced
02-17-2014 09:38 PM
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Although your girlfriend might seem to think that what she is doing is OK, it simply is not in any way OK. I think what you need to do is look into counseling, at the very least for yourself, and also contact an attorney involved in family law.