It is perfectly normal to experience these feelings. It's not healthy to spend your pregnancy stressed out (for you or baby) so now is a good time to focus on what you can control that will reduce this. Joy will come when you are ready for it. I hope you find a way to relax a little.
Don't worry too much, and know that you are not a bad person/mom for feeling this way. I was this way with my first pregnancy. I did not feel that excitement and connection that other moms talked about. I did get a little excited once I felt her moving the first time (which wasn't until like 20 weeks). But the truth is even though I wasn't excited or felt very much during the pregnancy, the minute I held her after giving birth it all went out the window. There was instantly the connection and the love. For me, it was that she was finally real and really mine. Don't stress and just believe that it will all come together for you and that baby eventually!