04-29-2014 01:29 PM
Let me preface this with saying, I love, love, love the idea of having another child. However, I am completely pleased at the moment with our little family of three which includes our just-turned two-year-old son. My husband, however, seriously wants to start trying to become pregnant with our second. I am not ready, even though I thought I would be a year ago around this time. I have shared this with him, along with my reasons (waiting until we are out of diapers, sleeping better at night, and talking more), and he seems to think that I am simply overthinking this.
This may be TMI, but he has now said that we simply be intimate until I am ready to conceive as I am no longer on birth control. I told him it could be up to a year before I was ready.
Has anyone else experienced this? Tips? I feel like it is putting a wedge in our marriage, but he seems to just be moving right along with no concern.
Thanks to all!
05-08-2014 07:57 AM
I have a close friend who has an almost 11 year old son. Her and her husband have both been ready at different times for a second. She wanted one when her son was much younger...around 4 or 5 and he wasn't ready. So they waited. Now, he has been wanting another for a year now and she's content with things like they are. She did get off of birth control a few months ago but her heart really isn't in it. Honestly, they are both at an impass. He says he's afraid they will have regrets years from now if they don't have another but she's afraid of losing the freedom they have now with having just one child who is 11. I wish I had some great advice for you but I don't. I really haven't known what to tell her either. She doesn't want him to resent her if she puts her foot down saying she doesn't want another at this point. She knows she will love the child when it gets here but the thought of starting over again is hard for her.
05-08-2014 08:31 AM
Christine and the OP, I understand that! Its hard, because only you as a couple know when you want another. My DH and I go back and forth on the idea all the time. I want one, he doesnt, he wants one, and i'm like "NO NEVER AGAIN!" especially after a bad day.
Maybe make a pros and cons sheet of having a baby now, vs waiting a little while longer? I find this tends to help me when i'm stuck on decisions. You and your DH can sit and both put input together, and then you can see each others views, as well as the facts in black and white. You could consider who will do most of the "primary" care giving, and then ask "are you ready for this responsibility again?". There are no "breaks" at this age and sometimes it really does get to a person. I stay home with my girl right now and theres days I want to run away screaming as soon as DH walks through the door. He, because hes not home 24/7, does not see how i could possibly feel this way. That i should be "blessed" to be fortunate enough to stay home all day. ha ha ha ha HA. right. I love it, but some days... I would really love a break. Its just me and DH so no family I can depend on to take her so i can catch a break. I also maintain honors recognition at my college. Its stressful. (this could be a pro and a con lol). If you are honest, your list could be very eye opening.
As for a huge age gap difference, that really does put a strain on things, not only for you as parents, but for the children as well. My DH is 9 years older than me, and he had a son from his first marriage when he was 19, so hes turning 16 this year now.. and then Layla was born when my step son was 14. He likes her well enough, but the age gap is so huge, they will probably never be close. Its more like my daughter is an only child. Expanding a family is such a huge decision. I'm in the same boat as you, OP. DH and I are supposed to decide this month if we want another (I had stage 0 cervical cancer in december, and had it removed. I went from normal paps, to CINIII ..scary! so we are waiting first pap with clear results here next week since the surgery to determine if we will TTC or not). I swear I am having anxiety over such a decision! Originally I didn't want more than one, but at the same time, I want my baby to have someone she can depend on, like a sibling. So I'm super torn.
07-01-2014 02:33 AM
Hi there, I am on the same boat. But my husband is waiting when I am ready. I never had a problem with my first child since she was born she is very good baby and listens to me, until now that she is older she is not a problem. But, I am afraid of having another baby because giving birth again is so painful and stressful for me. I know there is no such thing as easy giving birth but having sleepless nights and taking care of the baby on my own because my husband is working and nobody is going to help me with the household chores and everything. And I can go out now while my daughter is in school. So, I am scared of having another child and I think it is not practical these days. But I wanted to give my hubby a baby boy at least. I hope we would over come these feelings. I hope to hear from you. Take care. :-)