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Occasional Visitor
blkpaintbluegirl
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-06-2014

Big question

I have a very serious issue, please, no one think I'm taking this lightly. Last week my husband and I (we have been together for 9 years and married for 2) found out we are pregnant. I'm happy, nervous, thrilled and scared. While we both want this, I have a huge problem. You see. I'm currently in graduate school on my way towards having my masters in education. By the time my baby is born, I will be halfway through the program. I will have one semester left where I have 3 classes and one left where I student teach, then I'm done. On top of that, we both work during the weekends. I am a bartender in a fine dining establisgment- monetary wise, I do very well and finances are not my concern, at all. My husband is an audio engeneer . My question is this: do you think it's possible to have a child now? I've considered going down to part-time in school so I could stay at home more. Perhaps, I can even take a semester off, then go down to part-time with my grad program. My baby is something I want terribly; however, I want a good future for my child and this is something that I can't give up on. Therefore, I have to prioritize my education and future for the well being of my child. What should I do? Should I not go through with my pregnancy until after my school is complete? I'm 4 weeks alog and will start next semester in 2 weeks. Then I have summer break and the baby is here. This is just the last year of my program that I'm worried about. Family helping is not an option, as both of our families live very far away. Should I do both? This would be my first child and I am 33. Ok, thank you for listening.
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Frequent Contributor
amontes11051
Posts: 85
Registered: ‎09-06-2013

Re: Big question

Baby's sleep for three months when they are born. Maybe you can do some online school? I'd hate for you to terminate pregnancy and regret it later.

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Super Contributor
LaylasMommy1014
Posts: 280
Registered: ‎06-24-2013

Re: Big question

Alexx: I know you have a child already..but I wouldnt tell her "babies sleep for the first three months".. because that was definitely NOT the case with Layla!! By 3 months she was trying to crawl already..and on the go by 4.5 months!! lol.  It all depends on the child. My friends baby did indeed sleep for about all the 3 months . My child was alert and interactive.  Not to mention she'd be up (and her DH) every two hours or so for feedings those first 3 months!

 

However to the OP, I am also a student and found myself pregnant shortly after my first semester! (this also was after my doctor insured me it took me a year to get pregnant due to past endometriosis issues and I found I was pregnant 4 days after seeing her! ) I went to school all through my pregnancy, up til the semester I was due, then I took that semester off because I was due at midterm and theres no way I would jepordize my GPA.  I went back the following semester and am due to graduate in July! I wont say that going to school and having a baby is an easy task to do, but If i was able to do it, I am sure that you could as well!  You sound to me like you are very dedicated to your studies, as well as very motivated when it comes to your education, and these are the two required characteristics that will help you succeed at being a mom and a student all at the same time!! 

I would NOT recommend terminating your pregnancy. At 4 weeks, theres a heartbeat.. the baby is a living thing..please don't do that! You can do school, get your degree, and be an excellent mother, as long as you have the mindset to do so. :smileyhappy:

Heres how possible it is: I walked away last semester exempt from a statistics final because I had an A, and had A's in both other classes I was taking, walking away with a term GPA of 4.0!

My only qualm with being a mom and student is the fact that my GPA is not the 3.75 it was prior to being pregnant and having Layla, but it was never lower than a 3.4, so I'm ok with that :smileywink: I just have high standards!

 

My tips for managing classes and morning sickness? (i never missed a single class, I'd go in, sicker than a dog)  Get a product called "Sea Bands" for $8 at walmart or walgreens. They also make a ginger gum but it dissolves . It helped but this dissolving thing made me feel weird about them lol. The most life saving thing was the Sea Bands! Also, bring snacks and lots of water.. eat a little something each hour, which helps combat nausea.

 

Tips for after baby: In order to get your schoolwork done, Don't follow the "Sleep when they sleep" rule (and I think whomever invented that was crazy! How are you supposed to get anything done around the house if you sleep everytime the baby does? lol) . I have always utilized nap time as my homework time or my cleaning house time. At first it will seem like you arent hardly doing as much towards school as you used to , but get used to that feeling. :smileyhappy: your time will now be divided between multiple ways! Its the beauty of motherhood!! This stressed me out for months, until i realized "HEY, you may not be getting straight A's and 4.0's but you are still getting honors recognition! STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF!" .. that was the hardest thing for me to do! You will be tired ... no... exhausted... the first few months post baby, however, I did it! You can too lady!! :smileyhappy: Make sure you get your baby on a routine as soon as you come home from the hospital (ie. bedtime routine for layla has always began at 7pm, by 8, shes in bed). This makes it easier for you to plan study time after the baby is down for the night.

 

It isn't a cake walk or a rose pedaled path...its more like lots of poop filled diapers... but it is quite possible to have a baby, and still graduate with your degree!! This semester I just began yesterday techincally would have been my last, so im a semester behind.. (and I do recommend taking ONE semester off after you have the baby, which gives you time to mentally adjust to baby schedule, plus get through the first couple of months where you are up every two hours, and givees you time to establish routines for you and baby.) my original schedule, but I wouldnt have it any other way. My child is the best blessing ever..and you will understand that the moment you have your first ultrasound..and the moment you lay eyes on your child..and the more you watch them grow..

so please... try to have your baby and finish your education!! Im here for support if you need it! I'd be willing to give you my email as well if you'd like.

♥ Brie ♥
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Super Contributor
LaylasMommy1014
Posts: 280
Registered: ‎06-24-2013

Re: Big question

PS, I will add I do NOT have family to help me either.. and what family that does live near me, I wouldnt ask for help for with the baby either. They would throw it in my face later on and I wont give them the satisfaction.

I had the mindset of "everyone wants to help you when the baby is a newborn, but disappear shortly after..so id rather do it myself and struggle, than be used to help that disappears and feel overwhelmed later on.."

 

I did have days of crying, pulling my hair out, saying "WHY DID I DO THIS?!", but apparently, its normal and acceptable to feel that way sometimes. :smileyhappy: Its called hormones. Just go with it, let yourself cry if you need to, and don't feel bad for it.

♥ Brie ♥
My NFP Chart
Daisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
**Kasey.. 01/07/2003-12/24/2012. You were my heart, my soul, and my whole world, cancer may have taken you from me, but you'll never be forgotten. I have your pawprints forever on my heart.**
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New Member
srankin17
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: Big question

I actually jumped in to grad school two months after I found out I was pregnant because I knew if I didn't do it now I never would. Having a baby is a wonderful blessing and I wasn't married when I had her. It takes some prioritizing but you can do it. Just because people want a baby doesn't mean they can get one. This may be your time to become a mother. Having an abortion and then having a baby is very tough. There's a lot to take in to consideration on your well-being. You have to do what you feel is best as it is your life but it can be done and having a baby is worth the stress.
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New Member
prettybrownowl
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: Big question

Congratulations! I too pondered this as I deliberately went off my BC while in my doctoral program. Also in education. I did this after finishing coursework so I'm in the final phase of proposal, comps (a little afraid of the deadline), IRB request, research and writing and editing. But, I'm determined. A baby is a blessing and it does require sacrifice. The first three months of anything are most precious.

What I did:
1. Took a semester off. Not difficult b/c again I'm finished w/coursework. I took my time finalizing my proposal and submitted it just 2 weeks shy of delivering my son. I would suggest you go part time. You want to enjoy your child and not stress as much. Working on my dissertation was a great distraction and motivator. I want this degree more to say I accomplished my final major educational goal. Although for me learning is NEVER over.

2. Outlined realistic goals with my advisor and my husband. They both will keep me on track.

3. Changed my graduation date. It was this year. But now it's next year.

4. Seek family and friends to watch your child while you dedicate special days, hours and time to coursework. But also spend most time enjoying your baby and husband. Then of course working. Decide what's most important in terms of work. You may have to cut some hours.

5. Seeking help with your child while completing coursework will require a good breast pump if you decide to breastfeed.

In the end, know that people have done more with less and everyone isn't blessed to have a child. Take this unique opportunity and make the best of it while you can. And know that the first three months are the most important. As you learn your baby and bond you won't sleep as well as you desire. A break from things will give you a new focus and clarity about your life and goals. What is important to you know might not be so important the day your child is born. Wishing you so many blessings!
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New Member
rswander174874
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-14-2014

Re: Big question

I have 2 masters degrees and almost complete a PhD, and am a mom!

A baby is such a blessing and getting pregnant isn't always easy! You can make this work - there are so many daycare options and you have your husband.

Trust me the moment you hold your daughter or son you'll know you made the correct choice.
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