Posts Tagged ‘ Celebrities ’

Gluten-Free? Help Me.

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

I don’t know if I’ve ever actually written about this here before, but Caroline has some serious GI issues.  I know I’ve written about her reflux in the past because it nearly killed both of us (her from aspiration pneumonia and me from pure stress), but I’ve probably never mentioned her extreme constipation because a) I keep forgetting to and b) talking about poop on the internet is super gross, you guys.

But here we are because, as in the past, I need your help.  Ready?  Caroline’s dermatologist suggested that her combination of severe eczema and constipation might be due to a wheat sensitivity, so she recommended we try going gluten-free.  When I was a kid, I technically tested positive for a wheat allergy (which I have ignored completely and proceeded to eat carbs like it is my job), and she’s seen kids with these issues have them completely clear up when gluten is removed from their diet, so… we’re giving it a shot.

I have to admit I’m not exactly thrilled at the prospect.  Caroline, like most three-year-olds, is already an extremely picky eater.  I’m not sure how I’m going to get her to eat a balanced diet without gluten, since I have to put wheat products in most things in order to get her to eat them without a huge battle (i.e. macaroni and cheese with peas, blueberry pancakes, broccoli nuggets with bread crumbs, chicken nuggets, etc.)

In summary, here are the things she likes to eat: things with gluten in them.  Here are the things she doesn’t like to eat: things without gluten in them.

You see my dilemma.  She might starve and I might lose my mind.  (And yes, I am being dramatic.  I’ve been told I have a flair for it.  I don’t think it was a compliment.)

Despite the difficulties, I guess it can’t hurt to try, right?  Going gluten-free could be good for me, too.  I mean, I do technically have an allergy, and at the risk of sounding like a 14 year old teeny-bopper, I heard Miley Cyrus recently went gluten-free and have you seen girlfriend’s abs lately?  I’m just sayin’.  (I know she’s like 19, tops, and has never had a child that we know of but please just let me live in my fantasy world, okay?)

So, gluten-free parents out there, what’s a girl and very picky preschooler to do?  Any recommendations for recipes, websites, blogs, and/or gluten-free substitutes for wheat products?  How do you handle a child who has to go gluten-free when all they ever want to eat is carbs?


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In Which I Delegate My Personal Life

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

It has been brought to my attention that whenever I attempt to date, I turn into a magnet for The Crazy.  (See here and here.  Oh, and here.  One more…  here.)

I mean, I can’t really complain too much.  I’m moving away this summer, so there is little point in entering into an actual relationship.  (Though you’ve got to admit that it does make for entertaining blog material.)  But I do find it frustrating that no matter what I do or how I meet these guys, I always manage to end up in Crazytown.

But hold that pity party for just a minute.  I was thinking about it the other day and realized that this scenario sounded awfully familiar.  In fact, I had a friend in college with the exact same problem.  She used to sit me down in the dining hall and go on and on about how every single guy she’s ever dated has been a total nutjob, and I would smile and nod but couldn’t help but think, “obviously not every guy in the world can be crazy, my dear.  The one thing all these guys have in common is you.  Either you’re the crazy one, or you just pick all the wrong guys, and in either case, the problem is not them.  It’s you.”

So, fine.  I get it, b*tchy college me.  The problem is me.  I pick the crazy ones.  I can own it.

Based on this philosophy, my best friend decided to take matters into her own hands and scour the internet for the perfect men for me.  Whenever she finds a good one, she helpfully emails me a link so I can check out the dude.  I thought you guys might enjoy seeing the lineup.

Ready or not, here they are: my future blog subjects dates.

The more baby mamas, the better… right?

Wait, no, it’s “the more arrests, the better”.

This one loves kids!  Or just their money.  Potato, potahto.

It’s important to have similar views on parenting and discipline.

If he’s not crazy anymore, I will literally eat my shoe.

What do you guys think?  Any of them worth a shot?  I mean, all of these guys have to be at least 85% less crazy than some of the ones I’ve already dated, right?

On second thought, maybe I’d better reconsider turning over the reins of my personal life to this particular friend… (Love you, babe.)

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Hey, Mindy McCready? Give the Kid Back.

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

Anybody been following this Mindy McCready story?

Anybody not think she’s lost it?

Basically, she does not have custody of her five-year-old son, but she’s taken him out of state and is refusing to return him to her parents, who do have custody of the child.  She claims that her mother is abusing him and says that she’ll go to jail if she has to, but she won’t bring the boy back.

Mindy, honey?  Ya can’t do that.

Quite frankly, I’m not sure why she hasn’t already been arrested.  I’m fairly certain that if a man had pulled a stunt like this, there would be all sorts of Amber Alerts and search parties and he’d be in all kinds of jail.  As she should be.  That court order is there for a reason.  It is very difficult for a mother to completely lose custody of her child, so the courts must have deemed her unfit.

Even if she had some kind of joint custody, it still wouldn’t be okay.  Tyler and I have joint custody of Caroline, and if he took her out of the state and refused to bring her back?  I would freak the freak out.  Actually, I can’t even think about it without my hands starting to shake.

Who knows what is really going on with the child’s grandmother.  Maybe he is in an unsafe situation with his grandparents and needs to be removed.  But kidnapping him (and it literally is kidnapping, in a situation like this) is not the way to go about it.  That’s not how you keep your kid safe.  You file a report with child services and they can remove the child from the home within 24 hours if the allegations turn out to be substantiated.  You don’t go pick up the kid and leave the state when you don’t have custody and then go on the news announcing that you won’t bring him back.  (Or that you “probably” won’t bring him back.  Yeah, um, you “probably” don’t have a choice.)  All that’ll get you is a one-way ticket to jail and your child a one-way ticket back to the home that you wanted him removed from.  And if your child needs to be protected, how exactly do you plan on protecting him from jail?  Not.  Smart.

I’m not even going to touch the fact that she’s pregnant.  Okay, just kidding, I totally am.  The court won’t give you custody of the child you already have, and you’re having two more?  And doesn’t she think that maybe this little detour to crazytown could possibly affect her custody of those children once they are born?  The kidnapping of her son just reeks of selfishness and impulsiveness to me, personally, without much consideration for the consequences her actions might have for any of her children, born or unborn.

Go ahead and sound off in the comments… I can’t be the only one who thinks this is nuts.

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Thoughts From a Divorcee on Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Okay, so Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days of marriage.  As a divorcee, I have several comments to make on the matter, not that it’s any of my business:

1. I once had a case of bronchitis that lasted longer than her marriage.  (Jury is out on who deserves more sympathy in that scenario.)

2. At least 90% of the blame for this divorce lies with that weird headband thing she wore at her wedding.  She is gorgeous, but that thing was… Not. Cute.

Image credit:

3.  I totally called this, you guys.  (Fine, along with the rest of the world.)  One of my best girlfriends is also divorced, and she and I make divorce jokes all the time that I’m sure would make most of you call us horrible and bitter (but let’s be honest, a little bit funny).  I had sent her this picture of Kim Kardashian and her soon-to-be-ex husband, on their honeymoon:

Image credit: E!

I mean, come on.  They’ve already run out of things to say to each other.  She looks totally bored and he looks like he hates his life.  This is sort of how I felt at certain points on my honeymoon, which leads me to my next point…

4. I kind of respect Kim for calling it quits right out of the gate.  Hold up.  Let me explain myself.  No, she shouldn’t have married him if the relationship was so shaky that they’re getting divorced after 72 days.  I’m sure they both know that and knew it right away.  But at least she didn’t let it drag on and on, maybe bringing kids into an unstable situation, pretending and suffering forever and ever until the inevitable divorce finally occurred.  It takes a lot of courage to end a marriage, no matter what your reasons are and no matter how long it lasted.  Who knows what really happened between them or why it fell apart, but I’ve got to hand it to her for standing up and admitting that she had made a mistake.  I felt uneasy about my marriage from the start, and I should have taken action sooner (either starting counseling or calling the whole thing off, neither of which I took the initiative to do), but I didn’t, because I didn’t have the guts to admit that something was wrong.  She did, despite the fact that I’m sure the whole thing is very embarrassing for her, and I’ve got to say I respect that.

All joking aside, divorce is no fun for anyone in any situation, especially one as public as theirs, and I hope they can both heal as quickly as possible.  (But next time, Kim, as I’m sure you know, think it through a little better before you say those vows, and maybe don’t throw around so much money on the wedding, hmm?  XOXO, Julia.)

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I’m Breaking Up With Reese Witherspoon

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

Confession: I have kind of a thing for celebrity gossip.  I love trashy tabloids and the rumors and the fashion and the way they live in a totally different world than the rest of us ordinary human beings.  And now that I’ve told you this, I’m afraid I’ll have to kill you.

I’ve always loved Reese Witherspoon.  I don’t really know why.  I guess because she always seems to have it so together, and she seems really smart and serious about her work.  (Plus she’s so cute.)  So of course when a story about her came up on my beloved today, I clicked.

Reese Witherspoon: I’m Relieved to be Remarried

So, listen, Reese.  I don’t know how you feel about it, but personally I’ve always felt like there was something kind of special between us.  Like we get each other.  Know what I’m saying?  But after I’ve read this article, I’m afraid we’re going to have to break up.

“Until I got remarried, I don’t think I realized how stressed I was,” she says.  ”I don’t think I recognized how anxious I was about being a single parent… now I feel a great sense of relief.”


You were my strong-woman role model, Reese!  What are you talking about?  Since the decision to divorce bothered you so much, there must have been good reasons behind it and you must have ultimately decided it was best for your children.  What’s so wrong with being a single parent?  If there was any celebrity who could hack it, I thought it was you and now you tell me that you’re just relieved to be remarried?  Phew!  Your kids will be okay after all!  Put away the Ben & Jerry’s!  There’s a man in the picture!  Thank God!

Let’s not ignore the fact that it couldn’t be the day-to-day practicalities of being a single mom that bothered her.  Although I am well-acquainted with them myself, I’m not a celebrity who can afford all kinds of nannies and cleaning ladies and hired help.  She didn’t have to do everything alone.

I mean, I guess I get it.  Single parenting is hard and it’s certainly not for everyone.  I just hate to see a message like this out there from a woman who I had previously seen as one of the best celebrity examples of women who’ve got it all together and really didn’t need a man to make them feel complete.  Couldn’t she have said something like, “I love my husband and am happy with my new family, but my time as a single mom really helped me grow as a person and care for my children independently and realize how strong I was?”

Well, to each their own, Reese.  You say what you need to say.  But I definitely won’t watching Legally Blonde again for at least a year.  Six months.  (Tops.)

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