Posts Tagged ‘ Breakups ’

Blinders, Red Flags, and One Brutal Text

Friday, December 30th, 2011

The one saving grace of my terrible luck with men… is that they sure do make it easy for me to hate them.

For those of you who read this blog for drama because my personal life is a trainwreck most of the time, this one’s for you.  Just go easy on me in the comments, okay?  I’m a little sensitive right now.

So we all know I’ve been dating HSD (Hot Single Dad) since the summertime.  We had taken a little break somewhere in the beginning of October for about two weeks, but had both decided we did want to be together, and things went really well after that.  We met each others’ families, I introduced him to Caroline (which I have never done with anyone I’ve dated since my divorce), and he introduced me to his daughter.  We were together all the time and I was really happy.

Yeah… was.  Past tense.

Yesterday, during lunch, I got a text from him, out of the blue, telling me that he was sorry but his ex-girlfriend, who was married, finally left her husband so he couldn’t continue our relationship anymore.

Yeah, a text.

Yeah, it said that.

So that’s that.  I still don’t even know what to think.  I’m more mad than sad.  Were we a perfect match?  No, but he was good to me and to my daughter and I had really liked him and trusted him.  I had felt secure enough in what we had to let him into not only my life, but my daughter’s life too.

And that’s the thing that pisses me off the most.  Not at him, but at myself.  I should have known to wait longer to bring him around her, I should have been more careful, I should have taken things slower where she was concerned.  I don’t want to be one of those single parents who brings a string of significant others in and out of Caroline’s life.  Well, she’s not even three years old and that’s already one down.  I better shape up in the future.  It was selfish of me to let them develop any kind of relationship, really.

But… how could I have known?  And even worse… in the future, how will I know?

You would think, having been crushed by a failed marriage by the young age of 26, and having a child involved, that I would be more cautious about getting attached to anyone in any way.  You would think that I would have an eagle eye out for red flags.  You would think that having a child whose father’s involvement in her life is sporadic at best would make me more protective of who I let into her life in the role of my significant other.  But I was not, and now I have to pay for my foolishness by being faced with the task of telling my daughter that he won’t be coming around here anymore… on top of having to deal with how the whole thing makes me feel.  I guess I just got caught up in the euphoria of actually really liking someone who seemed to really like me back.

In the end it is not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be, because she did not much care for him anyway (she’s a better judge of character than I am, I suppose), and because a relationship of only a little over four months will not take me long to get over.  I am mostly disappointed that he is not the person I thought he was, that someone who I thought was wonderful would not only do something like this, but do it in the most cowardly and sh*tty way possible: with a text.  Christ, I had just left his house that morning, thinking how lucky I was to have found a great guy like him.

So.  I got the rug pulled out from under me.  It happens.  But… what do I do about it?

I pick myself up and be grateful that I learned this lesson before my daughter is old enough to be too affected by the consequences of my poor decision, that this happened sooner in our relationship rather than later, and that I can at least be secure in the knowledge that he is not the kind of person I want to be with anyway.  I allow myself to be sad and mad but place the blame squarely where it belongs… not on him, but on me, because I am the one who made the decision to introduce them.  And I look at the example he is setting for his daughter, who is twelve, and old enough to understand, and I make damn sure that I become a better relationship role model for my own daughter than he has been for his.

And in the future?  I try to take the blinders off, put my daughter’s needs before my own selfish wants, and give things time and take it slow.  What is the rush, anyway?  For now, I think that is all I can do.

It sucks, though, you guys.  I’m not feeling too great about things at the moment.

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