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Sunday, September 9th, 2012
Well… it’s about that time.
I’ve been blogging for over four years, and for over a year here for Parents. It’s been an interesting and, at times, a pretty amazing ride. I’ve written about anything and everything, been on some awesome trips, received my share of hate mail, been published on and linked to from places like Yahoo!, Shine, and Time.com, and corresponded and shared my life with some pretty incredible people.
I have honestly enjoyed sharing my life with all of you. Opening up about all of my experiences– the good, like giving birth to Caroline, graduating dental school, and finding a job… and the bad, like Caroline’s hospitalization, my postpartum depression, and my divorce– has been exciting, cathartic, therapeutic. But with my new start here in a new state with a new job and a new home, the time has come for me to move on.
I’ll admit that part of it is that I’m simply burned out on the criticism and hateful email that I seem to get no matter what I write. It is not easy to share as openly and publicly as I do, and I might just not have the backbone for some of the responses that I get anymore. Having a job as a “real” dentist also means that I need to be a little more careful and professional about what I put out there on the internet, know what I mean? I’ve always written whatever I feel about whatever’s on my mind, and if I have to constantly censor myself or worry about what I’m writing, then I’d rather just not write at all… or at least not write so publicly. I also feel like I don’t have as much to say as I used to, and I really only enjoy blogging when I have something interesting to say.
I guess what it ultimately comes down to is, I just need my life to be a little more private right now.
I appreciate, from the bottom of my heart, all of you who have read and loved my blog, whether you’re a new or longtime reader; whether you’ve read occasionally or never missed a post. Your kind words and support got me through some tough times, your advice helped me make some tough decisions, and what some of you have shared with me, in return for all I’ve shared, has touched my life as I hope I’ve managed to touch some of yours. My favorite part has been the emails and comments I get from other single parents who have been inspired by what I’ve written to make changes in their lives, to go back to school, to move on, to find happiness again. I’ve appreciated every word from you, more than you know.
Thanks for laughing and crying with me, everyone. You might see me again on the internet someday, in a more anonymous or private space…you just might not know it’s me.
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Blogging, Caroline, Divorce, milestones, Moving, NICU/Prematurity issues, Pregnancy, Preschoolers, Residency, School, Single Parenting, Toddlers, Travel | Categories:
Caroline, Dental School, Divorce, Must Read, NICU/Prematurity issues, Pregnancy, Residency, Single Parenting, Unexpectedly Expecting, Work/Life Balance
Thursday, May 31st, 2012
Okay, internet, I have a confession. Due to the boring lack of activity in my dating life lately, and the fact that I am about to move to an area where I know literally no one, I’ve decided to take the plunge into online dating. (I’m not sure why, but I’m literally cringing while confessing this to you guys.) At least it will allow me to meet new people (not in bars, for the love of God) and if nothing else, make some new friends in the area I’m going to be moving to.
So, I’m trying it. Is there something about it that seems vaguely pathetic to me? Yes. Do I actually think I’ll find someone that way? Not really. Am I going to get all crazy-chainsaw-murdered and stuffed in the trunk of somebody’s car? Probably. But all that aside, I bet it’s gonna be pretty entertaining, and I’m dragging all of you along for the ride with me. Because that’s how much I love you people.
So aside from all the awkward conversation and presumably a hefty dose of rejection and probably being murdered, the worst part about this online dating stuff is writing a profile. Mine is something super awkward and lame about liking to run and whatnot and people probably fall asleep just reading it.
If I didn’t actually care about getting any responses, though, I”d probably write something brutally honest and totally weird, just like the real me:
I am seeking a: Man
Do you drink?: Only when potty training. My daughter, not me. I’m fully housebroken and have been for at least ten years.
Marital status: Divorced. Don’t judge me. I see you over there, judging me.
Profession: I’m not as hot as a dental hygienist, but I went to school for longer.
Education: Someday I will leave school and get a real job, probably.
Do you want children?: I’m all set right now, thanks for offering.
Do you do drugs?: Only caffeine. Well, and then there’s the speed. I mean, I do have a toddler, after all.
Do you have children?: Oh boy do I ever.
Do you have a car?: …What the f–k? Wait, there are people on here without cars? Can I get a refund?
I am looking for: Basically a smart, fun, hilarious, educated, good-looking guy who loves kids and isn’t a douchebag. Must have a job and a car and not live in parents’ basement. Must shower regularly. Must not be an axe murderer.
About me: Well I’m a single mom and a dentist, don’t hold it against me. My daughter is my whole world, so mess with her and I’ll kill you. I work too much but I love my job to a degree that is a little bit pathetic. I can be kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. Example: one of the last guys I dated told me I should dye my hair blonde because it would look better so I dyed it dark brown just to piss him off. This isn’t coming out right, is it. Oh, the other thing is, I write about my life for the website of a major magazine but don’t worry, I won’t use your real name. Probably. You know what? Try to forget that thing I just said about writing. There’s a crapton of super personal stuff on that site about my divorce. Let’s change the subject. …..I like long walks on the beach? I’m going to stop talking now.
First date: Something that doesn’t involve crazy-chainsaw-murdering me.
Interests: My daughter. Teeth. My daughter. Teeth. My daughter. Wine.
So, what do you guys think? Would you date me? Would anyone?
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Saturday, March 31st, 2012
I would have to say that the most interesting thing about writing this blog is the email I get from my readers.
I guess it comes with the territory of revealing so much of your personal life for so long, putting it online for anyone to read. I had a good friend tell me once that when she read my blog for the first time, a lot of it surprised her, because she had had no idea that I had felt that way (before my divorce). I’m fully aware that this is a ridiculous statement, but for some reason I almost find it easier to talk about things here than with people in real life. I have a lot of people contact me and tell me they feel like they know me after they’ve read the whole thing. I do get so personal here that I guess that in a way, they’re right.
Enough about me. Back to you guys.
I’ve gotten a lot of hate mail, certainly, for my more controversial posts (see here and here and here). I mostly try to ignore that. I’ve had people email me and ask me questions that I can’t possibly pretend to know how to answer, like “should I get divorced?” or “should I have an abortion?” (I have to say that although I’m always glad to offer a listening ear and a sympathetic shoulder, I don’t exactly feel qualified to offer concrete advice.) I’ve had guys email me and ask me out, women email me and ask me for advice on how to go about getting a divorce, people contact me for dental advice or to talk about going to dental school. And of course I always love the encouraging emails, when people contact me just to say that they love reading about my life and Caroline’s, and to keep it up.
But the kind of correspondence that really makes my day is these: the single mothers who tell me that because of things I’ve written here, they feel more inspired to go back to school for their children. The working moms who tell me that they take comfort in knowing that there’s someone else out there going through the same struggles, and feeling like their compromises and sacrifices are worth it.
If anything I write makes even one person out there feel less alone, then hey– I’m happy. If I get just one of those emails for every ten pieces of hate mail, it’s been more than worth it. So, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has let me know that putting myself out there on the internet like this has made a small difference in your lives. I can’t express how much it means to me.
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Saturday, December 31st, 2011
I’m sitting here staring at a blank screen because I want to blog because that always makes me feel better, but I don’t have much that’s productive to say. I’m way more upset over this HSD thing than I should be. I’m not eating or sleeping well at all. It was just too abrupt, too shocking, too upsetting, and not a great way to end 2011. Or any year, I guess. Caroline and I went to my parents’ for the new year because that always makes me feel better (see picture).
Although, on the plus side, if you’re looking for a quick way to lose weight for your New Year’s resolution, I’ve got a fanastic diet plan for you. Just have your significant other dump you out of the blue, via text, for a married woman! Bam! 10 pounds gone! You can thank me later.
Anyway, I really do want to just shake it off and look forward to a new year and a new beginning. So in order to do that, I will look back at all the good things that happened this year, and focus on those.
I graduated dental school, at last. I started my residency and got a lot more confident doing dentistry. I got this sweet gig blogging for Parents Mag, and with my writing I’ve made a lot of people laugh and made a lot of people mad. (Both awesome.) I got a trip to Jamaica through said sweet blogging gig. My divorce was finalized, legally and officially freeing me from an unfulfilling marriage. And, I suppose, I figured out that my boyfriend was a big crazy douchebag, which is better figured out sooner rather than later, and in the end, dodging a bullet early on is always a gift.
I learned a lot of lessons this year.
I’m not really sure what all of them are, or how well I’ve learned them, but, you know, here’s hoping.
And, to look forward, my resolutions. I never make resolutions, because I always just break them, but now seems like as good a time as any to at least set forth some good intentions:
1. To be more careful about who I date and who I let into my daughter’s life.
2. To find a killer first real job as an associate in an awesome practice.
3. To spend more time with my daughter and less time “plugged in”.
4. To be better about compartmentalizing my day, and find a more healthy balance between work and my life as a single mom. (No phone calls to patients or pharmacies while Caro is awake, and conversely, no leaving charts undone to rush off to the grocery store!)
5. To get my kid potty-trained again, already, for the love of God.
I think that’s enough. Those will be ones that I will actually keep. So here’s to the finish of 2011, and to the arrival of 2012: another year to grow, to learn, to love, to be happy, and to just be.
What happened in your life this year that was great, and what are your resolutions for 2012?
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Blogging, Caroline, Dating, Dentistry, Divorce, Jamaica, milestones, Residency, School, Single Parenting | Categories:
Caroline, Divorce, Residency, Single Parenting, Unexpectedly Expecting, Work/Life Balance
Friday, October 28th, 2011
Okay, everybody, my blog is exhausting me. Seriously.
This post will, of course, be about the Facebook post I wrote the other day. I was more than a little taken aback both by its popularity and the amount of hate mail I got. But we’ll get to that.
I’ll start with the most important issue. It was pointed out to me that my post was very similar to those posted by the author of the blog STFU, Parents. Now, I was aware of the existence of this site, since it had been linked to me long ago by a friend who thought it was funny (which it is), but I read it at that time and haven’t followed it since, and honestly it didn’t cross my mind when I sat down and wrote my post the other day. I just blog whatever is on my mind, and it truly didn’t occur to me that it would ever be a problem to poke fun at my own Facebook newsfeed. But the author was concerned that the jokes and the tone of my post are extremely similar. I went back to their site and see their point– I’ve felt horrible about it all day. I was actually going to delete my post entirely because as a blogger, I’d be livid if anyone ever stole my stuff, even unintentionally. But then that didn’t feel quite right to me because I honestly hadn’t based my post on the other blog at all. So I thought it would be best to just clear the air here and state that it was never my intention to copy anything, and also link to the STFU Parents site and point out that if you liked my post, then you’d like this site more, because if we’re being honest, it’s actually a good bit more hilarious than anything I wrote the other day. So, go there and enjoy!
…Unless, of course, you were one of the hundreds of people who sent me hate mail because you thought my post sucked, and then, well, I don’t know what to tell you, because I don’t plan on apologizing for a post that was meant to be lighthearted and humorous. I stated clearly in the beginning of the post that I’ve been guilty of posting the same “annoying” stuff. That’s what makes it so funny to me. As one of my readers pointed out on my Facebook wall, you’ve got to be able to laugh at yourself, right? If you lose your sense of the ridiculous, all you’re left with is a stick up your butt, and personally, I don’t think that sounds like much fun.
So, if you liked it and sent supportive words, I just wanted to take a minute to thank you. The hate mail gets to be a little bit overwhelming on days like that. I am sensitive, you guys.
But don’t worry. As always, I’ll keep on writing whatever I feel like writing, serious or sarcastic or both… unless it’s about Facebook. Think I’m gonna take a hiatus from that topic for awhile. It turned out to be a little bit more trouble than it was worth.
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