More Conversations With A 3 Year Old

It’s time for another round of conversations with the craziest three-year-old I know! Okay, she’s kind of the only three-year-old I know, but still.  (If yours is similar and/or crazier, you have my sympathies.)  Ready?  Here we go:

_______________________________

As I’m scrubbing the toilet, Caro runs in, carrying a tiara.  She stops dead and stares at me.

Me: Hey Caro, what’s up?

Caro: Well, I was gonna put this on you, but if you was a princess I don’t think you’d be doing that.

_______________________________

Me: Caro, I think your shoes are on the wrong feet.

Caro: Yeah, I like to mix it up.

_______________________________

Caro, to a little girl at the playground: “Hi!  Wanna be my friend?  You can’t have my mama, but you can borrow my shoes if we’re the same size.”

_______________________________

Caro: Mama, I stubbed my toe!!  How am I ever gonna walk again?!

Me: Aww, Caro, don’t be a drama queen.

Caro: I’m NOT the drama queen.  That’s you.  I’m the drama princess.

_______________________________

As I’m running the water for the shower, Caro realizes what I’m doing, runs in to the bathroom, and hollers “MAMA!  Quit wasting water, you’re making the Earth sick!!”

_______________________________

Caro: Mama, anything you dream, you can achieve.

Me: Well, that’s true.  Who told you that?

Caro: Some Cheez-It at preschool.

_______________________________

I explain to Caroline that we are moving for my new job.

Caro: Are we gonna take all of your shoes with us?

Me: …Yes?

Caro: (incredulously) Like, ALL of them?

Me: Come on, I don’t have THAT many shoes.

Caro: Wow. We’re gonna need a really big box.

_______________________________

Realtor: So do you have any questions about the house?

Caro: Excuse me, are princesses allowed?

_______________________________

Caro: Mama, can we have broccoli and popcorn for dinner?

Me: I don’t think those would go very well together.

Caro: STOP.  You’re not a scientist.

_______________________________

Caro, playing in our new sunroom recently after we moved to Massachusetts, hollers in dismay: “Oh, no!!  MOM!!  There are ANTS in Massachusetts!  I can’t BELIEVE this!!”

_______________________________

Planetarium guy: Boys and girls, where do you think the sun goes at night?

Caro: (hand shoots up) In the garbage disposal.  You can’t put your hands in there.

_______________________________

Any hilarious preschooler conversations to share?  I’ve been stressed to the max lately and would love to hear them in the comments!

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  1. by Caitlyn

    On July 25, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    I have a 4yr old step daughter and I’m about 6 months pregnant with her little brother. ANY time I eat ANYTHING, she asks “Does your baby like that?” or “Does my baby brother like to eat that?” So we’re watching a movie and eating popcorn the other day and she asks “Does your baby like popcorn?” and as I shovel another fistful in my mouth I respond “yup, sure does.” She says “Yeah, my big fat belly likes popcorn too.”
    She was sitting in my lap one day and the baby started to kick so I put her hand on that spot and he kicked again. Her eyes got big and I asked if she felt it. She leans her ear to my belly and very matter-of-factory says, “I hear kicks in there…” while shaking her finger at my belly like he’s supposed to be napping instead of kicking her.

  2. by Erin M

    On July 26, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I have a 16 month old son so he doesn’t say much besides the usual mama, dada, dog, cat, baba, etc. However, I went to the dentist the other day the hygienist gave a toothbrush to me and Liam. Well, of course it goes right into his mouth and I say to him, “No, Liam, the toothbrush doesn’t go in your mouth.” I of course meant the packaging that the toothbrush was in, but boy was I glad that he wasn’t old enough to completely understand what I said because that would have come back to bite me in the you know where!

  3. by Amber S.

    On July 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    If you want a laugh, check out @babblingboy on twitter. I started it when my son was three, and have been using it to keep a record of all the crazy things he says to me. (He’s almost five now). My favorite he’s ever said might be, “Where do clowns grown?” Imagine that creepy garden.

  4. by Nakeli

    On July 26, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    When getting ready for school one day, my 4 year old asks me what day it is.

    Me: “It’s Wednesday”
    Her: *sigh* “My favorite day of the week is holidays”

    I couldn’t argue with that one.

  5. by Jennifer

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    My now 6 year old son, Kai, when he was 3 asked me what the green stuff on his plate was. (broccoli) I told him it’s “trees”. He says, “Well, it looks like a bush. I like to eat bush!” as he shovels a forkful into his mouth. My husband and I both spit our food across the room and laughed for a full 5 minutes.

  6. by Kenzie

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    My mom has this wesite were she posts all her and mine conversations with my daughter marely! Go ready if you want to laugh!! http://Www.thewaylifeis.com

  7. by elissa

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I’ve got a cousin who is 4. We were at the river swimming when a friend threw his son in the water. He landed on his side and popped out of the water crying. My friend,his son,and my cousin run over to the hammock to make sure he’s ok. My cousin walks past us a few moments later brow down eyes squinted saying” not cool guys! Not cool” I died laughing!!

  8. by Maria

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Short but cute.

    My (at the time 4yr old daughter) says, “Stealing is bad right mommy” I said yes stealing is very bad.
    JJ – Have you ever stolen anything?
    Me – yes but only one thing. I stole your daddy’s heard.
    JJ – but mommy you have to give it back. He can’t breath without it.

    Then another time, JJ says to my husband and I, “Daddy, why do you and mommy love each other, he says to her because mommy and daddy fell in love. She gasps and says, “OH NO, DID YOU GET HURT”. we still laugh about that.

    We call them JJ-isms. She comes

  9. by Lori

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Hi! My newly 7 year old no longer likes watermelon after 6 years of loving the fruit. She even has an explaination;

    “My head grew so then my tounge had to grow, you know, so it would fit. So it had to get new taste buds and those new ones don’t like watermelon. The new ones bullied the other ones and now I don’t like it”

    I suggested that maybe she’d like it when her head grew again.

  10. by jennifer

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    So this happened when my daughter was about 4 and a half. One morning Chelsea wanted to bring ALOT of toys to her after school program. I had told her to put a limit on it.

    A few minutes later, she’s walking across the dining room, turns around and shoots me this look. I know this look. She’s up to something.

    So I asked her. “Chelsea, what was that look for? You look like you’re being sneaky.”

    She responded “I’m not taking anything in my pockets to school!”

    I bit my lip, and asked her “If you’re not taking them to school, then why are they in your pockets?”

    She responded “How bout you don’t ask me anymore questions? How bout that?”

    One that happened more recently…

    I got a new bed a few months back. It’s a high mattress on a high platform. Basically I have to get a running start to leap up onto this thing.
    Chelsea was in bed with me last night…and she’s jokingly hanging off the edge of the bed.
    I told her “Chelsea, if you fall off this bed, you won’t sleep here anymore!”
    She responded without missing a beat….
    “If I fall off this bed I’ll be sleeping in the hospital.”

  11. by Beth

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    From my 5 year old, who received two birthday cards in the mail. One was from her grandmother, and the other from my husband’s aunt, and was religious-themed. After opening and reading the cards, she said, “I got TWO birthday cards today! One from Granny, and one from God.”

  12. by Mary

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I also keep a record of my son’s notable quips:
    (@ age 3)
    Paddy: Mommy, where’s my slippers?
    Mommy: Behind you
    Paddy turns around…
    Paddy: It’s not behind me. It’s in front of me!

    At mass during the Sign of Peace:
    Priest: Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles: I leave you peace, my peace I give you. Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live for ever and ever.

    Paddy: Amen.

    Priest: The Peace of the Lord be with you always.

    Paddy: And also with you.

    Priest: Let us offer each other a sign of peace.

    Paddy: (Paddy gave mommy and daddy a kiss then turn to other people….)
    Peace to meet you!

    His 5th Birthday:
    After all the kids finished singing Happy Birthday Paddy paused for a wish.
    Just before blowing his candle he shouted: “I wish I have more wish!”

  13. by Libby

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    This happened a while ago, but my great-nieces were playing on the playground and the older, Jannie was not being good to Lily, 3. Lily walked over to where I was sitting and said ‘Jannie’s being mean to me.’ I had bought them each a ‘princess wand’ at the dollar store, so I told Lily ‘Go point your want at Jannie and say Abracadabra, you’re a frog.’ and she’ll turn into a frog. So she scurried across the playground and in the clearest words I’d ever heard from her to date she yelled ‘Abracadabra, you’re a frog!’ Then I watched as she walked over to me, shoulders slumped. She stood in front of me and with an if-looks-could-kill glance accused ‘It didn’t work!’

  14. by Sarah @ ActivityHero

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    How adorable, these all made me laugh. Here’s a good one:
    When my 5-year-old niece found out we were expecting a baby, I asked her what she thought we should name him.
    Elle: How about… cupcake.
    Me: Do you think that’s a good name for a boy?
    Elle: Oh, that’s right. Baby boy cupcake.
    Me: Much better.
    Elle: I wish you were having a girl, then we could call her teapot.

  15. by simi

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    So i ask my 5yr old how much he loves me… He looks out the window and replies nonchalantly,
    ” four days but i need tuesday, what time is it?”

  16. by Lauren

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    When my baby cousin was born her brother was 5 & very jealous of the new baby. So he says to my mom how come everyone keeps coming over just to see stupid baby Kelsey & my mom says well when you were born we all came to see you to so puzzled he looks at her & says ohhh well did I like you …of course my mom said and he said oh well that’s good cause I don’t like u now.

  17. by Nicole

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    We went to see the Blue Angels at an air show but to her they were the Purple Angles and she would argue with anyone who said blue. I am sure the officers at the show were wondering what was going on because we just gave up and only said purple to avoid the fight.

  18. by Angie C.

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    My daughter is 5 yrs old now, but when she was 3 we were at the lake feeding the ducks n fish… I pointed out a duck and I sd “Ania, look at that long necked duck” she stopped me and sd “momma that is a Heron.” I could not believe at 3 she knew that… Also, one day I was putting noxema on my face and she sd “ok mom, you have to let it obsorb in.” Lol

  19. by Beth

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    One more:
    While trying to get my very stubborn preschooler dressed, said to her, for the hundreth time, “Evie, I need you to cooperate!” Then, for the first time, I stopped and said, “Evie, do you know what cooperate means?” Evie: (shrug) “Something bad?”

  20. by lacey adams

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    On vaca this week, my dad woke up my 7 year old to take him early morning fishing. I heard them sneaking down the hall together, and I heard my son say “that was perfect timing grandpa, I just finished my dream!” :)

  21. by Meagan

    On July 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    My son who was only about four months old was crying and crying. My other son who was three, came running into the room after about five minutes and said “just take him outside and finish the job”. It was the funniest thing I ever heard :)

  22. by casey

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    This one is actually something my uncle said in church as a kid and it still cracks me up. As they were passing around the offering plate he said,very loudly I might add,”Mama,you mean you got to pay to go to church?!” He was a character as a kid. Another funny story they always tell is about when he and his mama(my grandma) were at the beach with my Great Aunt Betty. Well Betty was always very endowed in the breast department…he looked at both of them and then asked my grandma why she didn’t have two butts like Aunt Betty.

  23. by Amber

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    The other day I asked my 3 and a half year old daughter Hannah, what she wanted to eat. She said “A Happy Meal, it’s says- Eat ME Hannah!”

    Last night she wanted more ice cream. I said No. When she finally realized she wasn’t getting anymore, she screamed at me “YOU’RE IN TIME OUT!” and then ran to her room to pout.

  24. by Jess P

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    My son was stirring blocks/toys in a pot.
    Me: What are you making?
    Jake: Bat leg soup.
    Me: Wow- what goes in there?
    Jake: Ingredient Sauce and mortor.

    After knocking the public restroom door at the Y, the occupant responds, “One moment please.”
    Jake: Why did that door just talk?

  25. by Shana

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Not mine, but my favorite was when a friend asked her 4 year-old daughter, “How do you spell cat?” and her daughter replied, “How do YOU spell cat?” Touche.

  26. by Rochelle

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    My 5-year-old son T asked me one late morning, “Mom, what are you doing?”
    Me: I’m cooking us lunch.
    T: Why?
    Me: So we’ll have something to eat.
    T: But I’m not hungry yet. I still have energy!

    My son asked me if he was born at the hospital.
    Me: Yes, you were still in my tummy before I got to the hospital.
    T: Did you order me?

  27. by Jodi

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Please take a look at my blog for some hilarious moments from another feisty three year old :)

    http://sugarandspiceandeverythingfunny.wordpress.com/

    PS: your daughter is hilarious!

  28. by Christina G.

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    we were getting ready for a family dinner for my boyfriend’s mother and we were running late so i dressed my (almost 17 month-old) daughter and then i told her “okay Jayleen, we have to hurry up and do your hair so we can go”, so she went in the bathroom, grabbed the brush, looked in the mirror and said “I GOT THIS!” not in regards to the brush, but just the whole situation LoL

  29. by Cinda Miller

    On July 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    My husband took our 3 yr old son to a friend’s farm, and when they came home, I asked my son what he did. He said he was jumping on square weeds. It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. He was jumping on bails of hay.

  30. by Martine

    On July 27, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    So my husband was sitting on the couch and my four year old walks up to him, leans on the arm rest and in a very serious tone says ” daddy why do you give a fup?”.( Now we all know what he really ment to say). My husband responds ” pardon me ” my son ” why do you give a fup?”. At this poit I come to the living room and it took every none power for me and my husband not to burst out into laughter.

  31. by Jen L

    On July 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Our 28-month old asked me the other day, “Mama… Do boogers have eyes?”

  32. by desiree

    On July 27, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    This isn’t exactly funny, but quite a conversation to say the least. I have a 5-year old non-verbal special needs daughter named Aubrey and a 3-year old daughter named Molly as well as two little boys. Molly was asking about death because one of our dogs is getting older so she is wondering what will happen to him. I explained he will go to heaven.

    Molly: Will I go to heaven too?
    Me: Yes, but don’t worry about that it won’t happen for a long time.
    Molly: Do you think people can walk in heaven?
    Me: I’m not sure but I bet they can.

    She pauses then thinks a moment.

    Molly: Do you think people can talk in heaven?
    Me: I bet they can.
    Molly: Mommy, do you know what this means? Aubrey will be able to talk when she goes to heaven!

    Needless to say, I was instantly crying by not only the constant thoughtfullness of my 3 year old but also the sheer happiness of thinking she might be right…one day my little girl may speak even if it is in heaven!

  33. by Anna

    On July 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    The other day my two year old had her box of crayons and a stack of white paper at her activity table and she was drawing like crazy. After a few minutes of quiet, she comes running out of her room, yelling, “Mommy! It’s not working!!” She was holding up a white crayon.

  34. by Anita

    On July 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Love things that kids say … the reason why I started a Facebook page especially for that reason. The say the funniest things. Please feel free to visit my site and Facebook page and contribute.

    https://www.facebook.com/ShitMyKidzSay

  35. by Gigi

    On July 27, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Me: when was the last time you went to the bathroom?
    Her answer always(my 4 year old): six minutes ago!

  36. by Gigi

    On July 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    “mom…..what are angels”
    “what do you think?”
    “is it like angel food cake?
    “something like that baby”

  37. by Rebekah

    On July 27, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    * My almost 3 yr old son comes running into the living room from the bathroom with no underwear or shorts:
    Me: William, what are u doing?
    William: I’m naked! Want to see my wiener (grabs himself)
    Me: No. Please put your clothes back on!
    William: (turns around and bends over) look mommy! I got a juicy boathole!

    (LOUDLY laughing husband in the other room!) too much testasterone in this house!!

  38. by Laura Anderson

    On July 27, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    My 3 yr old daughter, Lucy is something else..lol. Here are a few or the most recent ones.

    “I have stinky breaf mommy”
    “Why do you have stinky breath?”
    “cause I just ate pway-doh.”

    ————-
    while putting Lu to bed:
    “mommy can I go see Peter Pan?”
    “well baby, he lives far away… in Never Never Land, and we cant fly.”
    “all we need is a wittle wittle bit of pixie dust silly!!!!”

    ——-
    Lu is stealing fruit from the counter to “cook” in her kitchen. I took the peach away cause I was afraid she was going to squeeze it, put it where she couldnt reach and she runs toward the bathroom upstairs. “oh you need to go potty?” “NO! I gettin my step stool to get that peach!!!”

  39. by zoney200

    On July 28, 2012 at 6:41 am

    The other day my 3 year old asked me where I bought his hands.
    And last week, he was playing with a rocket ship and my mom-in-law asked him where the rocket was going, expecting him to say something like the moon. He replied, “Wal-Mart”.

  40. by carol

    On July 28, 2012 at 7:20 am

    My daughter is 2 but talks as much as a 5 year old this is one of her more recent ones…

    Me: Lily r u sorry for throwing in the house?
    Lily:sorry
    Me:do u know why your sorry?
    Lily?sorry for party rockin….

  41. by Brittany L

    On July 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

    My almost for year old step-son was standing on the porch and had left the door open so we asked him to close the door so the puppy wouldn’t get out. He said,
    “One puppy?”
    “Yes. One puppy.”
    “and two cats?”
    “Yup, one puppy and two cats. How many animals is that?”
    “CAKE!”
    There was no cake anywhere. I have no idea what he was talking about!

    Also, I was asking him one morning what he wanted to eat for breakfast:
    “Cereal!”
    “What kind of cereal?”
    “Macaroni and cheese cereal!”
    “They don’t make macaroni and cheese cereal. Maybe you can invent it someday.”
    “Pizza cereal! Grandma Roli (Lori) pizza cereal?!”
    “They don’t make that either. Maybe you and grandma can invent that one too.”
    (His grandma works at a pizza place.)

  42. by Jennifer Lachman

    On July 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    After I noticed my niece Prudence, staring at my belly I explained to her that I was pregnant.
    Prudence: What does pregnant mean?
    Me: It means that I have a baby in my belly.
    Prudence: (screaming) Mommy! Aunt Jenny ate a baby!

  43. by Deah

    On July 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    The other night as Nate (4 years) and I “play house” he introduces me to Alex (my old cabbage patch doll) “this is my friend Alex, I hatched her from my belly” ….lol….

  44. by Julie

    On July 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    When we were flying home from California a week ago my 6 year old asks his dad, Daddy can we live on top of clouds? He says no, and my son goes, Then how do giants do it? Lol we being a super hero/comic book home explain A LOT about pretend and fairytale!

  45. by Carla

    On July 31, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I weaned by 2 year old after coming back from a business trip (she managed fine while I was away so I figured we could make it permanent). Now she likes to tell everyone we meet that “mommy left her boobies on the airplane.” I spend a lot of time explaining this to strangers .

  46. by Joy

    On August 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    kay- Angie was waiting on the porch for me to finish putting away a load of laundry so we could go on our walk. She stepped inside, holding the door open, so I told her to come in and close the door to keep any flies from coming inside. She swings on the doorknob, sticks her head out the door and calls out “Goodbye!” before coming in and closing the door. COncerned about her talking to some stranger outside, I asked who she was talking to. Her answer (No joke – this seriously came out of my 5 year old’s mouth!):

    “I was pretending to be a princess, and my prince named Antonio is outside waiting for you to hurry up and finish washing our clothes! I couldn’t just shut the door and not say goodbye to him!”

    Lol! I love it when I get a glimpse into how Angie’s mind works… but today, I am not so sure…. I think I may have some cause to worry! lol!

    (I wonder if her prince looks anything like Antonio Banderos? hmmmm… I may need to speed up this laundry!)

  47. by Diesel Outlet

    On August 18, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    “I like to mix it up” hahaha LOL , too funny. I have a 3 year old too, his name is Nico, he recently asked a man with a belly, “do you have a baby in there?”

  48. by Meredith

    On September 22, 2012 at 7:13 am

    My son is only 1 month old so he hasn’t said anything yet, although judging by the expressions he makes he will be a trip when he starts! I have ones from me and my husband when we were kids.
    My dad likes to tell the story of how I named the dog we had when I was a kid. I was 4 when we got her. I told my dad her name was Dazzle. He asked if I was sure that’s what I wanted to name her because I could name her something else. My response- she named herself!
    My husband has told me about when he was playing video games when he was little and his younger sister wanted to watch “my little pony”. When he wouldn’t let her she said she was going to tell. He told her that they would take her side because she doesn’t have much time left. She asked what he meant and he told her that he wasn’t supposed to say but she had cancer and was dying. She didn’t at all but he wanted to keep playing!

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