Conversations with a 3 Year Old

Three-year-olds can try your patience from time to time (okay fine, on a daily and/or hourly basis), but you’ve got to admit they’re pretty hilarious people to have around.  They’re even better than comedians, because 99% of the time they’re not even trying to be funny.

Here’s a few actual real-life conversations I’ve had recently with Caroline, for your laugh-out-loud pleasure:

Caro: Mama, do you know what “important” means?

Me: Yes, I do.  What do you think it means?

Caro: Um, I think it means when you have to get out of the tub right away and go potty.

Me: You’re right, that is important.

————————————————–

Me: Caro, time for bed.

Caro: No, mama!  I’ll email you when I’m ready.

Me: Uh, this is not a business proposition.

Caro: Pass me that iPad.

————————————————–

Caro: I want veggie sticks.

Me: I want a million dollars.

Caro: Well, you can’t have a million dollars, Mama.  You need to have five dollars first.

Me: Caroline, you have no idea how right you are.

————————————————–

(It’s 6am, and Caroline runs into my room, completely naked.)

Caro: I want Cheerios!

Me: What?… Why are you naked?

Caro: (disgustedly) Because everything tastes better naked, Mama.

————————————————–

Me: What did you learn in preschool today?

Caro: (sings) The flowers are all gone, it’s still wintertime, it’s not spring yet, there’s no animals anywhere.

Me: Wow, that’s pretty dark.

Caro: I don’t make the rules, Mama.  I just follow them.

————————————————–

Caro: (yelling from other room) Mama!  Come see what I did in here!!

Me: Am I gonna like it?

Caro: Uh, I doubt it.

(In case you were wondering, she had mixed the pieces from three puzzles together “to make one big, beautiful puzzle”.)

————————————————–

Me: Caro, use your fork like a big girl.

Caro: I never expected to be a big girl, Mama.

Me: Well babe, me either, but here we are.

————————————————–

Yup, no matter how much they can drive you crazy, preschoolers are funny little people.  Any hilarious conversations with your little ones you’d like to share in the comments?  Feel free!  I mean, we’re parents… we could all probably use a good laugh.

Add a Comment
Back To Unexpectedly Expecting
  1. by Bobbi

    On March 26, 2012 at 9:50 am

    On Friday evening my dad took my 2 daughters and myself to dinner. After picking them up from daycare I told my 2 year old “We have to go pick up Papa, he’s taking us to dinner” she told me “you can’t pick him up, mommy, he’s too heavy!” It was hilarious! The things she comes up with!!

  2. by Beth

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    We checked out a book from the library, When the Moon Forgot. My three yerold subsequently asked, “Mama, let’s read The Moon Go Farting.”

  3. by Michelle

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Oh my, I have so many. My little one is sooo funny!
    Here’s one of my recent favorites:

    Josh( 4years old): Mommy, why when you call to order dinner you always say ‘canaplacaorderapicka’ (can I place and order for pick up) hahah
    so I explained to him, when you call in you can order something to go and pick up, or sometimes you can have them deliver it. so he says…
    “someday, can we have them deliver it?”
    ME: sure.
    Josh: Good, because ::sigh:: I’m TIRED, of, like, CALLING, and going to get it…
    hahahahaha.

  4. by Miranda

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    When my daughter was 4, we walked into a Michael’s Craft Store sometime in late August. She stopped dead in her tracks, looking at all the Halloween items for sale and said, “Mom!! They have Halloween stuff out! This is unacceptable! It’s August. We have September and October until Halloween. This is completely unacceptable!” I’m still laughing to this day!

  5. by Amy

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    We had guests for the weekend, and here is one conversation I had with my 3 year old, Kate:

    Kate – “is Rob still here mommy?
    Me – “yes honey, he is”
    Kate – “where is he?
    Me – ‘”downstairs”
    Kate – “Yeah, but where did he, you know, put his tushy?”

    (It turns out she was trying to ask me where he was sitting downstairs….)

  6. by Rachael

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    My conversation with my 3 year old son Niko. This is just one of many of course!
    Me: Time for bed, Niko.
    Niko: “Whining and crying”
    Me: If you don’t stop whining and crying you can’t play with the Kindle.
    Niko: I was only whining and crying to get the boogers out.
    Me: Likely story….

  7. by Nikki

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    We are expecting our third child, and my oldest is a 3yo girl, and she already has a little brother. She really wants a sister, we don’t know what we’re having yet so after days of, “my sister named bell, my sister named Fiona, my sister named sonia”. I said “sweet heart you know it can be a girl or it can be a boy, we just don’t know yet Hunny”. And she looked at me very serious and said, “you know it could be a duck!”. :)

  8. by Amanda

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Yesterday, my almost four year old asked, “Daddy, does Jesus have cereal?” Haha….the healthy kind, I’m sure. Ha

  9. by Jessica

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Our 6 yr old son has lots of allergies to foods and animals. My husband and I were talking about whether we should get him allergy shots while making dinner. After we sat down to eat dinner our 3 yr old daughter said “I wish Wesley would get shot so we could have a dog”. Luckily she said that to us and not to someone else.

  10. by Tiffany

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    The most recent one with my 3 year old daughter, we were outside and she was standing in front of the car and all of the sudden she yells “it’s too big!”
    And seriously mad about it. So I ask her “what’s too big?” and she yells “my butt !”

  11. by Tara

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I was a Home Daycare Provider and one of my daycare moms, when dropping off her son in the morning, was concerned because her 3 year old son was complaining about his butt having a “boo-boo”.

    Me: Devin, Mama says you have a boo-boo on your butt.

    Devin: Yes, I do and it’s NOT good!

    Me: Do you wanna tell me about it?

    Devin: (whipping down his pull-ups and bending over) I have a crack in my butt! Did you know that? Did you know there is a crack in my butt? What am I going to do about that?

    When I stopped laughing, I called his mother to let her know the news but unfortunately, I had a laughter attack again as I was telling her!

  12. by Carolyn Hall

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Since my daughter is an only child I was explaining what brothers and sisters are. The conversation went something like this:
    Me: would you like to have a little brother some day?
    KD: nope
    Me: how about a sister
    KD: yep
    Me: why not a brother
    KD: cause they smell like poop
    Me: then what do sisters smell like?
    KD: hmmmm…Cake

    Love that one

  13. by Randy

    On March 26, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Me and my two year-old…

    Abby: “Oh no! The snail’s shell fell off!”
    Me: “That’s a slug, sweetie. They don’t have shells.”
    Abby: “No Daddy, the slug lost its shell! Poor little slug. Go find your shell!”"

  14. by Sarah

    On March 26, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    My son and I were walking into his school one morning…
    B: Mom, I don’t get squat
    Me: What?
    B: I don’t get squat
    Me: You get plenty of things, why don’t you think you get squat?
    B: The tires didn’t run me over
    Me: Oh, you didn’t get squashed by the car!

  15. by Courtney

    On March 26, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    We took our almost 3 year old daughter hiking and told her that we were going to the Appalachian Trail. When we got there, she started looking around and was very confused. She said, “I don’t see any apples on the trail!”

  16. by Christy

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    One morning my 16 month old and I were hanging out in the kitchen. She was having fun playing and I asked her “are you my little munchkin?”. She proceeded to make her monkey noises “ooo,ooo,ahh,ahh”.

  17. by Trisha

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    Kaitlyn: mommy why are you allergic to doggies?

    Me: I’m allergic to their hair.

    Kaitlyn: are you allergic to anything else?

    Me: yes I am allergic to cats too

    Kaitlyn: are you allergic to Daddy? He has lots of hair.

    Me: big laugh … At times I am :)

  18. by Jackie

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    My daughter loves to sing. When she was two, she was singing in our livingroom when I called her a super star. She stopped singing looked me in the face and says… You are a stupid star with such disgust. I about peed I laughed so hard.

  19. by Fraydee

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Conversation between my husband and 3yr old son

    DH : Andy do you want to be a daddy someday?
    Andy : No
    DH : Why not?
    Andy : I don’t want hair on my belly!!!!

  20. by Susan

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    My two year old was not ready to get out of the bath. I told her to stop procrastinating. She said, “I will, Mommy, but not right now!”

  21. by Anngeline

    On March 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    My daughter’s 18 months old so we don’t have full fledged conversations yet, but I think it’s absolutely hilarious that when someone sneezes (or burps…or passes gas) she says bless you. Sounds more like hess yeeew though. Adorable!

  22. by Laura

    On March 26, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    My 3 yr old son is just really learning his numbers..

    Nik: two, fwee, four, six.
    Me: You forgot one and five. ONE, two, three, four, five, six.
    Nik: *looks at me* two, fwee, four, six.
    Me: I know you know One and five.. you say them all the time.
    Nik: *looks at me longer* two, fwee, four, six.
    Me: Close enough.. good job!

  23. by Karen

    On March 26, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    When I was pregnant with my second child, my son (then 3) asked for a brother. Turns out he got a sister. About a week after we brought her home, he was holding her on his lap and says, “Mommy, why she not a boy? I asked for a boy.” I had to explain to him that we don’t get to pick whether the baby is a boy or girl, they are just born the way they are born. Luckily he just said, “okay” and adores his baby sister anyway.

  24. by Lisa

    On March 27, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I plopped myself onto the sofa after a long and I start ranting to myself when my son (5) takes my face in his hands and says ” Mami, breathe your talking too fast” I laughed til I cried.

  25. by Dawn

    On March 27, 2012 at 1:04 am

    My son proudly announced while sitting at a doctors appointment for my husband..did you know Mum’s older than Dad!… Maybe it looked like I needed the Dr first :)

  26. by Amy

    On March 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Mommy: Nate, why did you make such a humongous mess?
    Nate: So Mommy has to clean it up.

  27. by Melissa

    On March 27, 2012 at 10:51 am

    During lunch one day my three year old daughter and I had the following conversation:
    child: Bo and Jack [her cousins] don’t eat this for lunch.
    mom: Why not?
    child: Because they are boys.
    mom: Oh, honey it’s not “girl” cheese, it’s grilled cheese.
    child: Oh, OK then.

  28. by MK

    On March 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I took my 3.5 year old to a doctor’s appointment (I’m 7 months pregnant). When the doctor asked how I was doing, I told her my energy was very low and I had just “hit a wall” the day before. My son looked and me and said “Mommy, you hit a wall because you weren’t watching where you were going.” So very true;)

  29. by Deanna

    On March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    I picked up my four year old son and was holding him over my shoulder and I said
    “What am I gonna do when I can’t pick you up anymore?”
    he goes
    “You gonna grow bigger.”

  30. by Julia

    On March 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Oh my goodness! These comments are CLASSIC! I’m laughing out loud reading them. Thanks for sharing, everyone!

  31. by Jeremy Schultz

    On March 28, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    The other night our 3-year-old son was put to bed but wasn’t quite ready to sleep, so he complained that he was too warm to sleep…

    “I can’t sleep, I’m too sweaty.”
    “I’m too sweaty, I can’t sleep.”
    “I can’t sleep because it’s too sweaty.”
    (after a few minutes, he sighs and says…)
    “This is so frustrating.”
    (and then he gave up and went to sleep!)

  32. by AFB

    On March 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    My 3 year old daughter sings the alphabet by saying “Q, R, S, Too Yummy, W, X, Y, Z”. I just love it. I don’t have the heart to correct her!

  33. by April

    On March 29, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I was sitting with my three year old and he randomly says “I am not crazy I am a genius.” He then turns to me and asked “mom are you a genius?” Of course I replied “Of course!”

  34. by Caitlyn

    On March 29, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Don’t worry, they stay hilarious. I’ve got two girls, one 7 and one 4, and I’m pregnant with our third. When my mom asked my oldest if she wanted a brother or a sister, the conversation took an interesting turn.
    Madi: “Brother. I’ve already got one little sister who tears all my stuff up.”
    Grandma: “Well what if it’s a girl?”
    Madi: “Then we’ll sell her on the black market and adopt a boy”

  35. by Sara

    On March 29, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    My 3 y/o son is VERY talkative. As I was trying to help my 6 y/o daughter with math homework, something she struggles with, he just kept talking and talking so I said “Christopher can you please be quiet for a few minutes?” He replied, “Mommy I can’t shush mine mouth there’s just too much in there fighting to get out!”

    Another one of my favorites
    Christopher: Mommy what’s dat silver thing called again?
    Me: It’s a toaster bud.
    Christopher: But… we eat WAFFLES. Why don’t we call it a waffler??

  36. by samantha

    On April 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I have a 5 year old who comes up with some doozies!!
    A: Mom Faithe is my BFF in school and I key her step on my sock because she wants to.
    Me: Abby that’s not nice of her you should tell her to stop because she’s staining your socks.
    A: Mom its fine-you just need to get Oxyclean!!

  37. by Andra Collazo

    On April 12, 2012 at 2:51 am

    When I stopped laughing, I called his mother to let her know the news but unfortunately, I had a laughter attack again as I was telling her!

  38. by Heather

    On April 12, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Conversation between me and my 4 year old son when he was caught kissing a little girl at his daycare.

    Me: Cash, did you want to kiss her?
    Cash: NO!!
    Me: Did you like kissing her?
    Cash: NO!!
    Me: Well then why did you do it?
    Cash: I don’t know mom, I guess I just fell for it…
    Me: Get used to it!!!

    He is the funniest little guy!

  39. by KoS

    On May 1, 2012 at 1:17 am

    My son was drinking out of a cup when some dribbled out and down his shirt. He gets this forlorn look, shakes his head, and says, “Momma, I have a drinking problem.”

  40. by Jessica Mogan

    On May 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    My son, 7, was explaining to my daughter, 3, that the reason why tuna “stinks” is because it’s fish. Apparently she thought it was another “older brother trick” because she looked at him like, “Yeah right”. Then, while shaking her head back and forth, said “You can’t EAT fish. They have EYEBALLS!” Then she rolled her eyes, like he was being completely ridiculous. I laughed SO hard! Then I felt bad, because I could not stop laughing, and she kept asking what was so funny. Eventually she just got fed up with us and walked off to find someone “sane” to talk to. Hahahaha. I just realized that I still never told her that her brother was telling the truth!

  41. by Gary

    On May 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I ask a little girl how old she was. She says ” I’m 3 years old”. I told her did you know your mommy used to be 3 years old? She said ” no she wasn’t! I would have remembered that!”

  42. by shawn

    On June 30, 2012 at 1:38 am

    “I walked in hot!” after walking on hot pavement barefoot.