Wisconsin Bill Aims to Penalize Single Moms

There is nothing that makes me go quite as postal as hearing someone equate single parenting to bad parenting.

(Prepare to hear me go postal.  Hold me back, ladies.)

This bill, introduced in Wisconsin by a man who has never been married and has no children, states that single mothers should be penalized because their unmarried status is a risk factor for child abuse and neglect.  The bill would require the funding of ad campaigns to “educate” the public regarding the ill effects of single parenthood on children.

Imagine it: you’re a single mom (from the language, this bill is clearly aimed at women).  You collapse on the couch after a long day at work and feeding and bathing and getting your kids to bed, all by yourself, as usual.  You click on the TV to relax, and some ad pops up and pompously, self-righteously, ignorantly tells you what a crappy parent and child abuser you are, just because you aren’t married.  I don’t think so, Wisconsin.

Now, I don’t know in concrete terms what the aforementioned “penalty” would be (nothing is mentioned in the text of the bill), but it doesn’t take a lawyer to figure out the real danger here: the passage of a bill like this would set a precedent for legitimizing the usage of a single parent’s marital status as a “black mark” against them as far as the best interest of their child goes, and that, my friends, is straight-up discrimination and a giant step backwards for hundreds of thousands of women and children in this country.

The senator who introduced the bill would also like to underscore “the role of fathers in the primary prevention of child abuse and neglect”.  And what role would that be, exactly?  Too often, a single mother is single because the father up and left her.  How about penalizing those deadbeats instead of the hard-working, self-sacrificing women who pick up their slack?  Watch out, Caroline.  Don’t you dare ask me for that third cookie.  I might just freak out and do something crazy with all my female hormones and emotions running rampant and no level-headed man here to stop me.

No doubt this piece of judgmental trash masquerading as a state senator is one of the Limbaugh-esque far right conservatives who don’t believe contraceptives should be a covered service for the very sector of the population which contains the vast majority of single mothers.  I try not to get political on my blog, but really people, it’s the elephant in the room and I can’t hold my tongue: you can’t get birth control, you can’t get an abortion, and you can’t keep the child because then you’d be a single mother and, apparently, an abuser… so your only option is what, adoption?  But then he goes on to say that a child should be raised by two biological parents, so adoption doesn’t work either.  What exactly are we going to do with all these children?  Perhaps they will all just conveniently disappear?

Some of my regular readers may remember that I actually wrote something along the lines of this topic months ago. Statistics don’t lie: single parenthood is a risk factor for child abuse, plain and simple, and that fact should be recognized.  But in order to truly make a difference for abused children, it is critical that we distinguish between offering guidance, support, and practical resources rather than forwarding a cruel, judgmental, and purposeless smear campaign against women who face more than enough stereotyping on a daily basis in addition to all the other challenges of raising children alone.

Honestly, I know that this bill is too ridiculous to ever have a prayer of passing, and I shouldn’t even give it the publicity of a blog post.  But I couldn’t keep silent on the topic, because discrimination and an ad campaign tantamount to slander based on marital status is not okay, in this country or anywhere else.  I hope it never is.

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  1. by Lisa Rose

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    How absurd!Just because a mother is single doesnt mean she will be neglectful. My best friend raised her daughter all by herself. Not only did my friend finish high school she went onto College and got her bachelors degree..Her daughter now age 25 graduated honors both in High School and Nursing School and has her BA in Nusrsing. Shethanks her single mom everday for always being the best mom!

  2. by suzy

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    i wont go into how i became a single mother..but i have since day one, raised my daughter by myself. i am very happy to say i have a very happy, healthy and normal five year old. she is reading at a first grade fifth month reading level (in kindergarten) and was just tested for advanced first grade next year. while she didnt make the 95% it takes to make it to the advanced class…she was at 85% which is well above the national average of most kids being at 50%. i amh appy to report she has never spent a day in daycare and i work my butt off both at work and with me being back in school, to support and provide for her. when i am tired at the end of the day, it isnot because i am out partying or abusing my child

  3. by Lanie Stuart

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I don’t mind that you bring politics into it but some of us “right wing conservatives” don’t agree with this bill. You immediately lump folks all together and is that really better than the “crazies”?

  4. by Tina

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Wonder how it would apply to moms who are now widows thanks to cancer. Doing my best every day to make sure my five children are happy and healthy. Cancer took their daddy and that was neither his fault nor mine.

  5. by Keeley

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    This is the worst bill that I have ever heard of. Yes, there are risk factors to being a single parent that are shown in statistics, but to “educate” people on this? I think that the hardships of single parenting are very well known and no one needs “education” on the matter.

    How about making programs for single parents so that there are less children from single homes being abused? How about providing funding directed towards single parents so that their children can do more activities and have money for post-secondary schooling?

    And coming from an unmarried man with no children, you are barking up the wrong tree. As a single, hard working mom in university trying to make the best life for my child, he has no idea what he is saying. Like you said, go after the deadbeat dads that made single moms single! This man obviously has nothing better to do in his life than go after women and children… No wonder he is single with no children

  6. by Joan

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    bill is creazy, but I do not like term single mothers. In usa a lot of women chose not to marry….yes. They know they will be ok. System help them: food stamps, WIC, housing help, free lunch at school, school programs for mothers, free day cares for kids. and 98% had father of the child living with them. At least in New York.Im married and we do not have goverment help. There are a lot of real single moms and they deserve everything. but I do not like single mothers by choice and convenience….

  7. by Kimberly

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Technically I guess I would be considered a “single” mom. My fiance and I are expecting our 3rd and well just havent gotten around to getting married. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside that someone would think that im incopetent and couldnt take care of my own children.

    Im really not so mad for what it would mean for myself but for women who have lost their husbands or fiances to tragedy. it wasnt a choice they made it was something that was taken from them and on top of a loss a Bill would catagorize them as incompetent abusive mothers?

    Or on the other turn what would the actions taken agains single parents been, they cant force you to marry. Saying that 2 people who made a child need to raise that child as a family. Im sorry but My Ds Bio father isnt around his choice somedays i wish he had less contact then he does now. I think thats setting people up for an abusive situation, Not chosing to be a single parent.

    Luckly I had a wonderful man in my life when I found out I was pregnant for the first time and tho Our Son isnt biologically his, hes the best dad my son could have ever wished for.

    And… ill get around to getting married when I damn well please!

    thanks for sharing you rant!

  8. by Krista

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:15 pm


  9. by R Hanning

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    There wouldn’t be so many single mom’s if there weren’t so many idiot men who desert their children!!!

  10. by Dayna

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Hi there! First time reader, and I really, really, really enjoyed this post. I agree with you. I know a lot of single moms who are amazing at their jobs. I do have a comment, and I want to start it off by saying I am not “far-right” but when I read your sentence about options I felt I should clear something up. I am an options counselor at a crisis pregnancy center. (I am not touching on the single parenting as not being an option, because that is just silly. Yes, it would be ideal, but not always practical.)

    BUT! My issue is with what you said about “you can’t get birth control.” I hope you understand that people who support the fact that employers shouldn’t have to offer it are NOT anti-birth control, nor do they think it shouldn’t be an option. They believe, religioius or not, the employer should decide what to cover. Right now I am my own employer and my husband and I have to pick and choose what to cover that financially and physically(?) makes sense for our family.

    There are many things that companies choose to feature or decline in their policies, and that is the right of such companies. I don’t see why this particular one turns into a women’s issue, or “men keeping women down.” I am a woman who prefers small government and who does not think government should mandate what drugs and services employers choose to cover in their private healthcare offerings.

    And on a side note, but as a mom, I’m curious: why all this fuss over birth control? Most working women need coverage for maternity – something that we typically have to pay extra for in the working world. My previous policy cost $100 extra per month to have maternity coverage, and it has to be in place six months before conception.

    So I’m just asking you to please reconsider lumping that in with this ridiculous WI proposed bill, because you’re misinterpreting what people are saying when they are in opposition of the government imposing itself on private companies.

  11. by Jessica

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Oh my this is complete nonsense…i didnt choose to be a single mom the father decided he didn’t want to be married any longer by running off with another woman…so I’m to be penalized for raising my child alone and making sure she knows she can count on me and she comes first! Wow only a an idiotic man would come up with this junk!

  12. by Heather B

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Clearly you are not a crazy right winger if you disagree with this bill. I am conservative and can be so without identifying myself with the REAL crazy people. My mom was single and did an amazing job.

  13. by Tiffany

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Where’s the attack on single fathers? Or what about penalizing the men who up and leave some of these women because of their pregnancies oh but wait they don’t want women to have access to birth control or the right to choose what to do with their bodies! and even for the women who wait to have sex until marriage probably didn’t plan on a divorce! Republicans have got to get their stuff together! I feel that right wing conservatives are trying to attack our constitutional freedoms! What’s next are they gonna try and tell me what religion I’m allowed to practice! I feel like this party has gone completely off course and needs to focus on more important matters!

  14. by Amanda Meyer

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I am a single mother, have been almost since day one. Did I want to be a single parent, NO! BUT, I chose to keep my child out of the abusive relationship her dad and I had, which did not start until after I was pregnant. He is currently in prison for breaking the law. I do NOT have the same lifestyle he does and did NOT want my child to be brought up in it so I chose to get out of it. I work hard to provide for my child and have since I found out I was pregnant 9 years ago. My child has a better home life than a lot of kids she goes to school with that come from a 2 parent household. My child is FAR from abused or neglected. She has everything she needs and a lot of what she “wants”. My child is very smart, in 2nd grade and reads and spells at a 4th grade level. And is also very healthy! So I take pride in the fact that I am doing this on my own to give her a better life than she would have had if I stayed with her dad. Yes I am drained at the end of the day, but we are both happy! I get the negative end of it cause I am single while her dad is 30,000.00 dollars in arrears. Why is that not being put out there?

  15. by Van

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    How about single Dad’s? Or is the creator of this bill sexist. I thought we got rid of this kind of stupid thinking in the 1980′s. Guess not.

  16. by Single mom

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    This is ludicrous!!! Is this man for real? I would MUCH rather a child be raised by a single mother than by his/her biological parents that can’t get along. The mother should be penalized because the father deserts them, is abusive and she got him/her out of that situation, or he even has passed away????
    I’m a single mother and everywhere I go strangers comment on how happy my son is. While people I know have abusive, alcoholic husbands and their kids are depressed and scared. Who does this man think he is? ???

  17. by Kristin

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Julesey you and I are better single parents than at least forty percent of married parents out there. I dont want to go off n a rant bc frankly I won’t be able to stop…. But pansies like this clown who wrote the bill really should be required to read at a h.s. level before being elected into any sort of political office. I thought there were IQ requirements for this sort of thing…. Right?

  18. by SAHM... for now

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I agree 100% with Lanie! I was TOTALLY on board with your blog until you had to go and make it a “right” vs. “left” thing. I consider myself a conservative, but would NEVER consider giving an ounce of my support to a bill like this. That’s like lumping “Radical Muslims” in with Muslims… a bit unfair, don’t you think?

  19. by Jami

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    I was a divorced single mother for 3-1/2 yrs., then I met “Prince Charming,” got married, he went to War and came back not-so-charming. We had a baby boy. My husband has PTSD from war and has left us several times and has cheated on me 3 times. Not he’s deploying to Afghanistan and leaving our kids for a year. I’m a single mom now because my HUSBAND decided to leave us (since his PTSD makes him completely out of whack!) plus he’s deploying. Once he returns from war, we are divorcing, which will make me a permanent single mom for the rest of our lives. Did I choose this? No. It happened. I’m a LPN (nurse) and in school for my RN. I’m 5 classes away from my RN! I receive no assistance except for my husband paying the bills while I finish school.

  20. by Joan

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Does this bill take into account women who leave abusive relationships while they’re pregnant or after they have a baby? That was exactly my situation with my first son. Would they prefer that the mother stay?

  21. by Neely

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    I just do not understand why this is even an issue…I think politicians just bring up ridiculous things such as this to divert our attention from all the elephants in the room. Government has become so big and putting itself where it does not belong.

  22. by Stephanie G

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    This is just insane!! Just makes you wonder WHY HASN’T HE BEEN MARRIED NOR HAS ANY KIDS??? Maybe he himself has no patience for them!

    I was raised by a single parent and I have NEVER EVER been abused in any form. On the contrary, my mother did everything she could to make sure I had a memorable childhood. Always had a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs.
    Whenever she had some kind of problem, first thing she would think of was, “How do I not let this affect my child?” But never has she “abused” me because of being a single parent.
    I think this bill is total B/S.

  23. by Carol

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    A spouse dying is one thing–an awful thing for any family, of course, but to choose single motherhood is the greatest disservice any woman can serve to a child. How dare any woman presume that a child doesn’t need a father? And no, you can’t “do it all”…my sister had the genius idea to have a baby without any plans for marriage…when she died of cancer six years later, that poor little boy had to go live with his aunt and uncle, practically strangers, instead of having the familiar comfort of a father. Ladies, get over yourselves and admit that a two-parent family is ideal!

  24. by miranda

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I can hardly believe this to be true! I was married young, we had a baby, and divorced before my son turned 2. I raised him for the next 9 years on my own…my new husband is amazing and adopted him….so….that’s bad for the kid? To have an amazing man pick up the slack…oops, he is not his biological father…wow

  25. by Natasha

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Grrr! I wonder what the law would be for people like me? I am happily married, but we still live in separate households until the summer. Single mom? Married mom? What about single dads?

  26. by Crystalina19k

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    In many of these single mother situations, good parenting and the use of abstinence would have greatly benefited the mother, but that might account for maybe a fifth? I’d say divorce, educated, consensual boyfriend-girlfriend procreation resulting in singlehood, widowhood, rape, and voluntary single motherhood, either by sexual relations or via IVF would account for the rest, and the VAST majority of these single mothers are more than capable of raising their children alone. I know I was.

  27. by Ashley

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    I recently married earlier last year,soon after I became pregnant.My husband had became abusive and beat me when I was about 2-3 weeks pregnant ,he had punched me in my stomach which caused me to believe I had a miscarriage . A month later I had my father force him to leave my home that i owned . It wasn’t until I was 9 weeks pregnant that I found out I was still pregnant . I went through the whole pregnancy by myself mostly and with family support . He discovered that I had a son and demanded a dna test through his lawyer .Anyhow I have a good lawyer now and I am having to fight him in a custody battle and divorce soon even though he originally did not want his own son to be born ,I believe he only wants split custody because his mother wants to see her grandson,he will not have to pay child support, and he can claim him on his tax returns. Is that also not a form of child abuse and neglect? If he originally didn’t want his son? And just so he can dump him off on his parents ! Seriously its a two way street if you ask me . And furthermore if a mother is mentally stable she shouldn’t be shunned for being a single mother when there is such a natural strong bond between her and her child. A father may have a bond with his child but it is proven fact that a mothers bond is stronger , a mothers body can regulate heat and cooling to nurture her baby against her , why would you take that bond from her and deny her what nature intended ? And if you are curious of my age I’m close to 30 so it doesn’t just happen to younger women ,it can happen to any age of women -being a single mother.There is my food for thought of this.Thanks

  28. by Crystalina19k

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Also, i am a right wing conservative. an understanding one, so rather than going into profiling people by their political affiliation and how irritating it is, i’ll simply state that this sounds more like a “pompous, arrogant, knows-nothing-of-children-or-parenting” kind of thing. I’ve met this type of person from different political backgrounds, genders, ethnicity, and other demographics, but all pompous, arrogant people tend to be the same.

  29. by Tan-Tan

    On March 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    WOW! SERIOUSLY! I am a single mother of a 2 year old, beautiful and amazing and advanced little girl whom I absolutely LOVE to pieces! Her so called “father” aka the sperm donor decided to cheat on me with a stripper, then marry her, raise her two kids from previous relationships and then knock her up with what will be his second child, but guess what…he CHOSE to NEVER see his child or support her in ANY way, and he CHOSE to SIGN OFF HIS RIGHTS, completely throwing her away for his new “family”. I am a full time college student graduating with my Bachelors in Criminal Justice taking night classes and busting my butt working full time during the day, I struggle as it is to make ends meet, but I do it because my daughter is the most important person in my life and I will do anything for her. She is happy, healthy, well cared for, and very loved. Don’t you dare say that single mothers are abusers especially since you have NEVER had to be in our position EVER you P.O.S. sorry excuse of a man and senator!!! If you want my opinion I’ll personally slap ya in the face with it, just test me!! It is NOT easy being a parent, especially a busy one, but it is even harder being a single parent that has NO HELP. The government doesn’t help you if they feel that the measly amount of money you make is too much, yet you can barely survive on it.

  30. by Khrysania

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    For those that want to know why the birth control issue is an important one to some of us women. I can tell you why birth control should be covered by businesses.

    First off, I have anemia and since the age of 8 have had not one, but two periods a month which more than likely caused the anemia. I was diagnosed with anemia when I was 17, I had tried to donate blood at a blood drive at my high school and was turned away because of the low iron in my blood stream and was told to get checked out by my doctor. In order to help regulate my period and keep more iron in my system I was prescribed birth control and told to take iron pills daily. Now luckily, under my Dad’s insurance birth control was covered. However, I lost coverage after I turned 18 and my healthcare through my job did not cover it, because it was “birth control.” When I got married it was the same thing, my husbands health insurance also did not cover it. It did not matter that I needed the birth control for a pre-exsisting condition that was unrelated to having/not having children. They do not differentiate between the two. For a year I talked to my doctor (who said I needed it) and the insurance company (who would not cover it) back and forth to try and make the insurance company make a stance on if it is a pre-exsisting condition unrelated to the common usage whether a person should be able to get it. They would not budge. The only way I could was if I paid $112 bucks per month out of pocket to get it. We couldn’t afford it so I didn’t get it. Now we have a different insurance plan that my husbands work started that covers it now and I am happy to say I am on it again. I don’t feel tired all the time and have all the effects of the anemia that I did when not taking the birth control with the iron pills. I just thought I would share my experience. Have a good night.

  31. by Jeremy

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    I don’t know which is more rediculous, the proposed law, the hipocrytical response, the derogatory comments the writer had to get in about men in general while writing, or the fact that this was given any airtime at all. Politicians have been using the same methods for years. 1: write something stupid that no one will back. 2: make sure it leaks out to the press. 3: make sure name is attached to leaked piece so that they get there name in the press. Instant recognition in time for when it is needed. Even if someone doesn’t put his/her name to it directly, people are going to look for it now. Good Job.

  32. by Kat

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    I wholeheartedly agree. Some politicians don’t advocate for borth control, or sex education in schools for that matter, then want to take away abortion rights and other social services that support women and children. Completely irrational.

  33. by Anna

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Perhaps if you are smart enough to blog you could be smart enough to check your facts first….. NO WHERE does it say any of the shit you are saying it says it is a CONTRIBUTING FACTOR idiot.

  34. by Kristy

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    You go girl!!

  35. by Kristy

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Yes, Tan tan! Amen!

  36. by Jennifer

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    I’m a right-wing conservative, too, but ladies – she said “far right conservative.” Don’t get so defensive, please.

    Also, just because single-parenting is a risk factor in child abuse just means there is a correlation – it is not necessarily a cause of abuse (or neglect). According to Wikipedia – stepparents are way more likely to abuse children. Therefore it would make no sense for this bill in any way, shape, or form to encourage single parents to marry and bring a stepparent into the picture. Government just needs to stay out of this very complex problem!!

  37. by Greta

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    So what of military wives? Their husbands are gone on deployments. Is he going to go after the government? What if her soldier does not make it home? Is he going to penalize the government for creating that situation? There should be a petition on change.org to stop this man and get him thrown out of his senate seat. This guy needs to get bent. period.

  38. by ....

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Dear Carol.
    I would like to tell you sorry about your sister, but your an idiot. How the hell do you have the nerve to tell hardworking single mom that their child need a father? Don’t you think they know that already and have been fighting day in and day out with those boys about manning up and being a father. A single mom is the mother and the father, the breadwinner the tutor that child everything. Of course having two parents would be awesome but shit don’t happen like that anymore and those women do the best they can to give their child everything they deserve. They go out working 2 jobs making sure their child have the best life they can get. But of course you think they should stay with abusive husbands. I’m sorry it was an inconvience for you that your sister died of cancer and somebody else have to be a parental figure for that boy. You probably would want him to end up with cps. How bout you get over yourself and stop judging women that go above and beyond to take care of a being that been growing inside them for 9 months. Your probably not even a parent.

  39. by Angela

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    I think that the man that initiated this bill failed to fully think of how many centuries, single women have been raising children by themselves since the invention of war. He wants to penalize women, but has failed to think of all the reasons why women are forced to raise the children without aid from their father. I had the responsibility of raising my children, when their father choose to end our marriage when he disclosed that he was gay. Why should I be penalized for that decision?

  40. by Alaina

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    My almost 2-year-old son and I were abused when MARRIED, we are actually SO much better off now that I am a SINGLE PARENT!! I can actually give my son MORE attention now that I don’t have some controlling man demanding ALL of it! Sometimes raising children alone turns out to be the best option, and for us it definitely IS!! I understand this isn’t the case for all single parents out there, everyone has their own personal stories behind their situation. Which is why no one has a right to judge or even critisize single parenthood!! And a bill in Winsconsin?! Ridiculous!! Put yourself is someone else’s shoes, for cryin’ out loud!!!

  41. by Heather

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    I am a single PARENT. I do the job of both the mother and the father, and I have been doing it for 17 years. Abuse was never a factor because I have SELF CONTROL and when I am angry I give myself a time out. My son is not a juvenile delinquent, he is an intelligent, upstanding young man on his way to college and a decent future. We did NOT have the benefit of WIC or Welfare or reduced lunches or special offers from our beloved government because I did what I was encouraged to do. I went back to school and obtained a better education which placed me into a higher tax bracket making me ineligible for any government programs. This is where the great misunderstanding comes in. Yes I’m a single parent, but according to the papers, I’m a “rich” single parent who does not need help. We’ve lived on a lot of mac&cheese, saved a lot of aluminum cans and spent a lot of time looking for bargains. My divorce made me a single mother, my ex-husband decided to make me a single parent. My government merely made me another statistic. Anyone who has never had a child cannot possibly understand the dynamics involved in raising them. This man has no credibility. Parents would do anything to protect their children, now multiply that resolve times 1000…. that’s the resolve of a single parent just warming up to the fight…

  42. by Leah

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    So, Wisconsin, let me get this straight…my mother was abusing us four kids because our dad committed suicide in front of her??? Yes, many women are left behind, but many are widows, too. Or did you not consider those military wives, either? Wow. What a judgement call! May the Lord have Mercy on you.

  43. by SaraKate

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    Misleading, uninformed, and downright ridiculous article. Shame on Parents for allowing you to publish it without checking your facts.

    This bill is about emphasizing in abuse education that non-marital children are TWICE as likely to be abused as a child living in a 2 bio parent household. They already teach about the other factors, but don’t want to teach this one….just like no one wanted to teach the statistic that children who have involved fathers are much less likely to be abused.

    I agree, it’s poorly worded, and Senator Grothman is a moron. But you are using his proposal and lying about it to sensationalize it and using it as a platform to bash men. Shame.

  44. by Julia

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Apparently I need to copy and paste this paragraph to reiterate my main point:

    Statistics don’t lie: single parenthood is a risk factor for child abuse, plain and simple, and that fact should be recognized. But in order to truly make a difference for abused children, it is critical that we distinguish between offering guidance, support, and practical resources rather than forwarding a cruel, judgmental, and purposeless smear campaign against women who face more than enough stereotyping on a daily basis in addition to all the other challenges of raising children alone.

  45. by Danielle

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    This is crazy! It is just one more thing that will prevent many moms from getting out of situations they need to remove themselves, and their children, from. Did this man presenting this bill ever hear of domestic violence and the effects it has on a child, or any human being for that matter! If this man would have sat back, and thought critically on this bill, he would see that being a single parent is not always a choice, but a necessity for the mental well-being of a child(ren) and parent.

  46. by Isela

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    I am a single mother of a 4 year old boy. The biological “role model” father of this child decided he wasn’t ready so he left. I get up every morning to go to work, my child attends a very expensive high quality university daycare, he gets all the quality time he needs as I have decided to raise him alone and not to look for any partner as I am actually afraid he might not get treated the way he is used to and the best possible for him, I do not have a high paying job but I do not care for the sacrifice I have to do for his well being, I do not ask for any kind of government help OR child support because I do not believe on giving anyone a right over my child for $50 a month. My child will be attending private school next year not matter how expensive this is…and now, believe me, if I were with the father, I would not have half of what I have to give to my child because I would have to pay for the “role model”‘s hobbies, and so Mr. Senator or whoever is trying to pass this bill, get a life, but maybe you are an irresponsible good for nothing and that is why you don’t even have children….please, go ahead and swallow your stupid bill!!!!!

  47. by kristen

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Thank you for posting this. Being a newly single mommy to a beautiful 23 month old I really enjoy all of your posts but especially this one ! Thank u for standing up for single.mommies everywhere! And p.s. love the truth about why most of us are single parents in the first place !!!! (Bc the men / “dads” ) left their families !!!!!


  48. by Jennifer

    On March 5, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    I have the great good fortune not to be a single mother, but it was a near thing when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The father and I were both drug users at the time. That stopped for me the day I found out, and for a brief time I waited to see whether he would step up or I would step out. Five years later we’re a happy, healthy family, but if he hadn’t sobered up, should I have kept him around to be a ‘father?’ How would that have helped my daughter?

  49. by dr

    On March 5, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    There’s a lot going on here, so let me address each:

    - “he left” .. or maybe you drove him away, like my cheating ex-wife did with me
    - “deadbeat” .. just because he leaves doesn’t make him a deadbeat. I have gone above and beyond what is required of me
    - “equate…” .. the statististical fact is that children fare better with both a male and female parent present. My father passed away when I was 2 and I had no male figure in my life, which was less than ideal. Granted, we actually turned out better than our counterparts, but I, as a boy, was the one negatively affected.

    The bill may be stupid, but you add statements which have no correlation with the point you are trying to prove.

  50. by Simone Green

    On March 5, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    I am a single mother of 3. I was married to an abusive husband and father. I filed for divorce and before it was final my husband almost beat me to death with my 2yr old and 4 week old in the room. Now the non-parenting father is a felon and I am the single Mum. How does that make me an abuser or child neglector?

  51. by Kayla

    On March 6, 2012 at 12:57 am

    I have to agree with Lanie Stewart, not all Republicans are like this. I’m a Republican and think this is entirely ridiculous. I also think making it difficult to get birth control is ridiculous. A lot of single parents are single parents because the babies dad was abusive. How would forcing him to stay in the picture end child abuse?

  52. by rebecca

    On March 6, 2012 at 1:13 am

    This bill is an Insult to all those good mothers out there. I know lots of single mothers that are great mothers and give lots of love and attention to their kids. in most cases the dad is abusive or cheater, and women smart to get out of that sitation. Even married parents so busy working they don’t give any time to their kids. Do stop trying to gain up on single mothers. They try their best. more power to them for not having abortions or putting them in foster care, where it’s worst. Whoevrrr though of this bill idiots..plus i’m result of single parent and i’m happily married with child. graduate honors in high school in college. I went to an all girls school where lots of single parents and they successful girls

  53. by Megan

    On March 6, 2012 at 1:35 am

    I definitely do NOT agree with this bill. But I do understand the difference between choosing to be a single parent an being made a single parent because of death, sickness, etc. I am a single mother. I have a happy happy healthy gorgeous 2 yearl old boy. He is the best thing i have ever and probably will ever do. But when it comes down to it I chose to be a single parent. His father did leave me shortly after getting pregnant and it wasn’t really something I wanted to fight. My son and I are both way better off without his biological father. But I can only blame myself for sleeping with someone I did not know enough about. I learned things about this man after I got pregnant that literally scared the hell outta me. And that is no ones fault but my own. I thought I was with someone I could trust and who was a good person but I also didn’t really look passed his pretty blue eyes and sweet talking to see the lies he was telling me and the functioning addict he really was. Now i know that not everyone’s situation is going to be the same. And I know that you can’t always hold yourself accountable for other peoples actions but ultimately I had unprotected sex with someone and didn’t use my birth control properly and got pregnant. Is my child in a position to be more likely abused because of it? Most definitely not. We have endless help from nana and papa and couldn’t ask for anything better. I also do not get food stamps or any government assistance. I’m also going to school without it completely paid for with government help. My child is much healthier and happier with me as a single mother rather then in a relationship with his father where we would fight 24/7. But again being a single mother shouldn’t be something that is more appealing than marriage because of the assistance available. That is something that should be changed. Not bashing single mothers who chose to be or happened to be because of circumstances out of their control.
    The men involved shouldn’t be allowed to just get off scott free. Don’t want to be involved? They should still be required to pay child support. Don’t pay? Garnish their wages and tax returns. Something should be done on the other side of the spectrum to make it less appealing for men to knock someone up and leave like nothing happened. Every child deserves a mother AND a father. But that’s not always one of the options available. One bad apple doesn’t spoil this bunch.

  54. by Terry Schmidt

    On March 6, 2012 at 1:38 am

    How sad. You would think in 2012 crap like this would not even be considered. And ya know the legislation is being bought by whomever stands to make all of the money off of the advertising.

    The child support agency already treats every single father like a dead beat dad weather they are or weather they are the only one taking care of the children. All they are is a collection agency and they think everyone should pay through the nose like thier paycheck depends on it. And no I dont have any children.

    What a bullshit waste of our tax money and time.

  55. by Dana Osuna

    On March 6, 2012 at 2:30 am

    This is absolutely infuriating. I was raised by my two biological parents until I moved out when I was 15 because I could not stay there and be beaten any longer. I made sure that never happened to my children. While it is true that having a father in the house has a huge influence on a child, it is often not a positive influence. A child is much better served by a single parent who loves them than by two parents who can’t pull their heads out long enough to acknowledge that they are destroying lives.

    Truly, I think this morbidly ignorant senator should be jailed for promoting domestic abuse and kept there until a brain transplant is available. Legislation such as this only causes more women like my mother to stay in hellish situations like the one I was raised in. That is the worst thing in the world you can do. Children deserve love. Children deserve safety. And since fathers are given so much credit, how about we jail all deadbeat fathers, abusive fathers, and neglectful fathers and throw away the keys. Single moms have the hardest job in the world. It’s easy to be a man…even easier if we start passing absurd legislation like this.

  56. by Jenny

    On March 6, 2012 at 3:18 am

    She said far right like nutso Rush. If you’re that far right that you’re a Rush Limbaugh fan, then, news flash, most of the rest if us normal people thinks he is off his rocker, if your politics align with his, well, there you go. I tend to think there aren’t that many off your rocker types though. I hope. :) I have many conservative friends and they would agree this bill is crazy, just like they would that rush is.

  57. by Dewey

    On March 6, 2012 at 3:26 am

    While I don’t agree with this bill, I must point out that as a majority, there are a lot of single moms that don’t care for their children. Their children are nothing more than a source of income for them. I believe that the parent that can provide for the children without support from the other spouse should be the one who takes the children, this would stop a lot of woman from running off with the children. By the way I speak from experience on this matter. 1st, my dad died when I was 2yrs old & my mother raised us without child support! 2nd, my exwife took our income tax return, our children & anything of value (leaving behind my sons shoes & a lot of their clothes) that she could cram into a car & left the state. Then she was able to get an uncontested divorce in another state (in a small town I’d never even been to) by running a local ad there. Then after the child support checks started coming back I didn’t even know where my children were for six years, bc she had dropped them off with her mother to keep & after letting them be very abused by her & others. I strongly agree with birth control & abortions!

  58. by Dana Osuna

    On March 6, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Okay, upon reading this bill (and 2011 Senate Bill 202), I continue to vehemently disapprove of this man and his bills. However, I am curious where the mention of penalties and of being a single parent constituting child abuse and neglect is. I didn’t see it anywhere.

    I still hate his bill for the aforementioned reasons. When a person is looking for guidance, it is because they are ready to be guided, often out of a bad situation. If their situation is domestic abuse and the guidance they get is how much better it is for a child to stay with the father, the wrong decision is quite likely to be made.

    I would also like to point out that you can prove absolutely anything with statistics. Go to college; take a statistics course; be educated when evaluating what statistics really mean. (Yes, statistics do lie.) Did these statistics evaluate whether or not these abused and neglected children in fatherless homes had fathers who provided support or not? Or for that matter, was a comparison made of the two-parent child abuse/neglect victim households between ones where one, both, or no parents worked and/or provided support? And in the one working parent homes, did the other parent take care of the home and children or did the working parent? I suspect that the statistic is skewed by lack of relevant information. Frustration breeds abuse. Exhaustion breeds neglect. While these are by no means excuses and I think any abuser and neglectful parent should have their children removed to loving homes, I believe the proper statistic would more validly show that abuse and neglect is more prevalent in poverty stricken households or in households where the primary caretaker is also the primary financial support. It doesn’t matter if the father is in the home or not, if he isn’t providing his share of the support, he is where the blame lies. (If you are a single father with custody, flip the pronouns around.) Abuse happens in all economic conditions, to people of all skin color, and in all types of households. The focus needs to be on the real issues. Children need parents, parents to attend to and guide them and parents to support them financially. So you don’t like each other? So what. Love your kids. If you don’t support your kids and take care of them, you don’t love your kids. It is unjust to shift the focus to the parent who is going above and beyond. It is the one not pulling their weight that issue should be taken with. In the cases of widows and widowers, this is simply an incredibly difficult situation without a cure. I think we as humans should come together and help in those situations, as no one deserves the unbearable stress of doing it alone.

    @Carol, I sincerely hope you aren’t the aunt that poor child had to go live with. You aren’t intelligent or compassionate enough to raise a child. I don’t think anyone, not even your sister, WANTS to be a single parent. There are MANY reasons it happens, even if the woman simply desperately wanted to be a mother and the right man never came along. It may have been poor planning for your sister not to have a will seeing that the child would go to someone he knew and loved, but that does not make her a bad mother. No one plans to get cancer. I mean, really?! What a horrible sister you are. Obviously you come from an ugly home situation, so no wonder your sister may have had problems in the relationship department, just as you clearly do. (There are other relationships besides husband/wife…such as sister/sister, etc.) If by some horrendous travesty of justice you are the aunt who took custody of this child, please, PLEASE, put your entire family in counseling (especially you and the child) and take some parenting courses. You desperately need it, and so does that child.

  59. by Brian

    On March 6, 2012 at 4:09 am

    I am a unhappily married man, with a wife that has a lot of women that made horrible choices. They are single Moms, a lot of them are single due to poor choices, and not getting their way, instead of learning to comprise.
    I have to agree with this bill, Women have it to easy, and Men have no help at all.
    Men do not abuse women as often as it is thought.
    Women Emotionally Abuse their spouse because of the left over baggage from their childhood.
    Single Moms either made poor choices for themselves, or just can’t handle their mistakes in life.
    My Wife has used the system and threatened to use the System against me to control me.
    I am one that is happy to hear that a law to encourage women to think harder, and be more willing to compromise is taking effect in one state.
    Much to often the Dad or Single Dads get no help.
    While Women just screw up their lives, proving a point to themselves or their Father or Mother, cause they were not loved enough, or didn’t get their way.
    For a man to speak in the fact that Women use the word Abuse as some security blanket to get their way,, and the fact that this does not happen as often as it is wanting to be thought.
    A Man has his very life threatened by women.
    Wake up you bunch of overgrown little girls.
    Put God in your life, and learn that a man and woman are to serve each other. Learn to look at yourself and change yourself, not the world or them man you are with.

  60. by Dana Osuna

    On March 6, 2012 at 4:11 am

    @Dewey, while your personal situation is not good, you can’t say majority. Many women who pick up and leave like that have to for the safety of themselves and their children. There are really bad women out there, the same as there are really bad men. There is no excuse for your children being abused. I hope the abusers get what they deserve and that your children are able to recover.

  61. by Megan

    On March 6, 2012 at 5:28 am

    I always find it amazing the issues that parents go through. It is hard enough without having someone with a little bit of power making it worse. Next I am going to hear that people in the military don’t need to have children because the abuse rate is so high. Not saying it’s not true, but that it is not every mother or father. It is those individuals that have no education on parenting. That answer to every problem is not to make life harder, but to offer assistance.

  62. by Shara

    On March 6, 2012 at 6:59 am

    I do agree that this bill is absolutely ridiculous. Making that unfair generalization is not going to resolve a thing. I am also a single parent and my son’s father suddenly changed his mind about the commitment he had made with our child and I. It was very difficult to confront the reality that I’d be a young single mother but I’ve come to terms and made it work.

    That being said, I’d like to play devil’s advocate for a moment and mention that there’s a new epidemic of young “women” rising in our younger generations who not just find a sense of pride in becoming single mothers, but actually go as far as finding it convenient from all the money they get from government assistance. Women like these see no value or consequence in having a child or children because they either have a parent to watch their kids for them or they thoroughly neglect or even abuse these children from their lack of patience. Yet they lead promiscuous lives and don’t bother to consider that the children they may bear from they’re tumbles will have to grow up with a parent who has no interest in nurturing them.

    These women deserve to be penalized because they have to concern for the fact that they’re setting their children up in an unpromising, sometimes loveless atmosphere for their own misguided benefit. There is ignorance in the world and although this man’s proposition was way too general there definitely is an issue that needs to be addressed.

  63. by Anita

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:46 am

    I just want to say this man is crazy!! I guess it would be better for the woman to stay in the relationship where her kids live in fear everyday of their lives. I wish that our mother had had the nerve to leave my father. It is no fun growing up watching your father beat your mom, your brothers and sisters, and getting it yourself. Oh and lets not forget the sexual abuse. When all else fails lets resort to that. So a woman is to stay with her kids in this type of life style? That is better than her raising the kids by herself? She is the one going to beat her kids? This man should be put into a situation like this to observe and see how long he can take it. See if he still thinks that a Mom should be penalized for being a single Mom. And I understand the shoe can be on the other foot. Sorry I wasn’t raised there, just on the side of the abusive father. My mother and us kids would have been so much better off with out him and we wouldn’t have grown up with the baggage that we did. I think that Wisconsin needs to get this man out of office.

  64. by kaylee

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Believe it or not there are still many a men whom would like to see history reversed as to knock women down to our previous standing before womens rights evolved. Never trust government either as they are known to slide one past the goalie from time to time. This wouldn’t be the first bill I am sure that got added in to another that was more likely to pass….. Women should stand their ground!!! Although there are men out there that are worthy and rightous, it is less then the ones whom are not…..

  65. by Lia

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:51 am

    What is with the attack against women lately. Abortion is always under attack. But now it’s contraception and single moms? Has the earth stopped turning on its axis or something? Have we gone through a wormhole into an alternate universe. As long as our political structure is dominated by men I am afraid we will be under attack.

  66. by Christina

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:53 am

    I am a single Mom, and I am very proud to be. I attempted to make things work with my daughters bio-father, but he refused to grow up and act like a responsible adult. I stayed stressed out & upset constantly, and since he wasnt going to change, I left & never looked back. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and her bio-father has never even so much as asked how’s she’s doing. I believe my daughter having a HAPPY, single Mom is way better than a stressed out, depressed Mom. What do you think?

  67. by k

    On March 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    This the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard.what if u have no choice about being a single parent? I was widowed
    At the age of 25 with three children, i went to school full time and made an excellent life for my children.

  68. by Jennifer Alexander

    On March 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

    This is absurd!! Many women are single parents because it is what is best for their children. Being in a relationship with the father can sometimes be much, much worse than being a single parent. I hate to think about what could happen if this actually goes through.

  69. by Sarah

    On March 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

    To the people that are bashing Julia. Last I checked, this was her blog so she is entitled to her opinion. There is no need to call her (or any other woman for that matter)names. Isn’t that cyber bullying? Aren’t we supposed to be teaching our children that bullying whether cyber or not is wrong? By calling people names on the Interne Shows 2 things: 1 that we are not allowed to have our own opinion and 2 it’s ok to cyber bully. You can get you point across without calling people names! And this says the same for the man bashing too!

  70. by Corey

    On March 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    “you can’t get birth control, you can’t get an abortion, and you can’t keep the child because then you’d be a single mother and, apparently, an abuser… so your only option is what, adoption?”

    I’m sorry, but the answer to this question is ‘abstinence’. And if not, then, yes, adoption is a valid option.

    I realize that not all single parents necessarily choose to be so, but many do for many reasons. I simply wish the family was more appreciated as the foundation of our society. Then, maybe people would fight for their marriages, and people would accept resposibility for their actions.

  71. by diana

    On March 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    This is insane…and to point out that there’s not only single mothers, but there are single fathers. So why is this bill directed only toward single mothers? I think this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen today. I was a single mother for the longest time with 2 children. It was hard but I had my family for help and support. This is just another way for the Government to stick their nose where it really doesn’t belong. Alot of people cannot help but to be a single parent.

  72. by Taj

    On March 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    So, dad can show up, knock you up….go back to work immediately, never suffer the issues of recovery and juggling kids and a job, then decide to walk out on you when it gets ‘difficult’ or ‘boring’…leave you with the kids, not pay child support…..bury you with legal bills, and you’re STILL juggling job/kids/school because now you’re doing it SOLO in the toughest economy in decades….. and it’s MY fault? I’m 6’2″ and Harvard educated….send this ‘senator’ over to my house for a day and lets see him keep up with me and my four jobs, two teenage girls, my own business, and law school. I dare him.

  73. by single mom

    On March 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    i total don’t agree with this bill, but i can see how some guys are like finally, I’ve known some women to attack and set their husbands up so he go to jail and she gets the money. but there is also the other side on of my friends was married and her husband killed their 6month old son because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. but to tell a women or a man that they have to stay married is just plan wrong. yes there are some women who are popping baby’s out so the government will take care of them. but there are some dads that just up and leave and are on the run because they don’t want to pay child support. either way the “single man” that came up with this bill needs to work in a day care that a lot of the children are from single family’s.

  74. by Jen

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I do not agree at all with this. I am a single mother raising my one year old. I give her the best care and love her so very much. I would never do anything to put her in harms way. Maybe the bill should concentrate on those parents (single or as a couple) who abuse or neglect those children but let them continue to raise them!!! The “moms” who continure to have more children so they will receive more assistance from the government should be the ones who are penalized. Not the ones who actually care about their kids. But yet it continues. There are plenty of people out there that would adopt some of these children, but the courts feel they kids are better off with the birth mom or dad, even if they are not truly fit. There are plenty of single parents whether it be the dad or the mom who do a great job. Sometimes it works out better being a single parent then dealing with the father/mother that does not care at all about the child.

  75. by jason bump

    On March 6, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    where does it say that single mothers cannot go to these classes about parent education. i dont see where this woman is coming from at all after reading this bill. it would provide education for all parents and maybe keep some couples together when they see the consuquences of seprating and how it affects there children.

  76. by A father

    On March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    In a world full of mothers taking children away from their fathers for free money from the Gov. and trying to persecute and contribute to a stereotype that decent fathers are not only rare, but that most will up and “leave” as you put it, maybe a bill like this is needed. Not only did I spend over twenty years of my life kept away from my father for NO REASON but the mother of my child is trying to do the same to me. Growing up without a father causes serious mental and physical stress, and the results can be painfully obvious once fully grown, at which point it is not a reversible thing. This is something beyond skill teaching or male bonding, and has been more and more absent in our society as women continue to reap rewards for taking children from their fathers and playing the social service game right into their court.

  77. by Michelle

    On March 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

    I’m a mother of an amazing 17 year old son. His father walked out, when I was thee months pregnant. I have always prayed that they would have a relationship. When my son wanted to see him, I drove 6 hours so he could see his father, visit for an hour, and drive 6 hours home. He has seen his father 6 times in 17 years. Because once his father sees him, he has no interest in anything more (actually his father has never called him, I have had the same phone number, and lived in the same house for 11 years). Being rejected by a parent SUCKS, it’s a form of abuse. I could not imagine allowing the father to live in a house with rejection, when my son felt rejected by his father, his step father and I showed him, that he isn’t missing out on anything… His biological father is the one that is missing out. BY THE WAY…… He hasn’t not been sexual, physical, metally abused by his mother, or step father!!!

  78. by Laura

    On March 7, 2012 at 7:22 am

    People like this burn my butt! My daughter is a single mother and she takes EXCELLENT care of her son! She goes to work, comes home, works on the farm and still has time to spend quality time with her son.Better to have 1 good parent that cares.

  79. by Doctr Mom

    On March 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    As a developmental psychologist who teaches about risk factors to children, there are two points I have to make that are clearly missed by the supporters of this bill:
    a) a risk factor doesn’t mean something WILL happen, it just means statistically it will happen to more people in the higher risk group than a lower risk group.
    b) “risk factors” for children’s well-being are cumulative. Very few risk factors on their own lead to poor outcomes. Risk factors can be offset by “protective factors”. The children at highest risk are those who face a number of risks. Children in single-parent homes are not at risk because they have one parent, but because single parents are more likely to have lower levels of education, low income, inadequate housing, inadequate access to high quality childcare, schools, community resources, after-school programs, etc… In addition, a number of factors that might put a parent at risk of “maladaptive” parenting also increase risk of teenage pregnancy (and most don’t marry their partners).

    It has little to do with being a Single Mom, and the focus should be on supporting families in the other ways mentioned.

  80. by Tracie

    On March 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    I am glad you mentioned this on your blog. it is worth giving it publicity to PREVENT frivolous laws like this to pass.

  81. by Penny

    On March 10, 2012 at 10:50 am

    The “elephant in the room” you refer to Julie is the fact that Americans are so caught up on religion and conflicted about sex, on one hand, we’ve got the media/tv/movies/print/net all promoting sex and sexually appealing things/people and yet we’ve got the churches and members saying we don’t want people to ACTUALLY HAVE SEX! Sex is the most normal, natural thing in the world, yet we’ve made it into something dirty and punishable by death! We tell people not to do it without marriage and yet the same people puss legislation making marriage financially crippling to the lower end income citizens! They lose benefits by getting married so they all just procreate without marriage, then these legislators wonder why we’ve got the largest population of unwed mothers in the developed world! We should not only be preaching SEX ED AND BIRTH CONTROL, we should be explaining to young men about CHILD SUPPORT and that one stupid mistake can ruin thier financial future rendering them with bad credit, low income and the young ladies that having a baby isn’t a way of keeping a man, will also ruin their financial futures and condemn them to a life of poverty and despair.
    Poverty BREEDS poverty! Wake up America, we need to stop the cycle. If the church and abstinence were the key, there would be no illegitimate children. The guy is right, illegitimacy does lead to poverty more often than not, for all parties, but STUPIDITY is what gets us there!

  82. by Anonymus

    On March 11, 2012 at 11:07 am

    This is the most stupid, inconsiderate thing I have ever heard!I was “raised” in a home with 2 parents and cannot begin to tell you the abuse that I suffered at their hands!Sexual, mental and yes some of the most horrible beatings you can imagine.I never wanted to be a parent for fear of doing to a child what those people did to me.Well come to find out in my early forties, I was pregnant with my first and only child even though I was using birth control. The day I found out, I vowed I would not allow my child to become victim to my past.I did not choose to get married because I was pregnant and raise my child in an loveless atmosphere. I work hard to take care of my child, to nurture him with love and respect. He will be starting pre-k in the fall and is already ahead of his peers.At 31/2 He knows his alphabet verbally and by sight, can count to 25 forward and backwards,knows colors and shapes. He is starting to read simple words, and can use a computer better than me! but most of all he is happy, confident and knows without a doubt that he is LOVED!

  83. by Amy

    On March 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Amen! I’m not a single mom anymore, but I know how that is because my mom was one for 7 years and I was one for a bit. I made a dumb choice, my amazing daughter came out of it, and I tried to make things work with her dad for a long while, but the longer I stayed with him, the more I could see myself sinking and my daughter suffering repercussions of the emotional trauma. I cut him off, and I was allowed to grow as an individual and put my daughter in a more stable environment. Now, I’m married to a wonderful man that loves my daughter as my own, but stepping away from her dad was the best thing I did as her mom. Had I never done that, the “child abuse” would have been dreadful, compared to the peace and stability she got when I stepped off.

  84. by Around the Web… |

    On March 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

    [...] Wisconsin bill aims to penalize single moms – Parents.com [...]

  85. by Around the Web… — Celebrity Wildcard

    On March 14, 2012 at 12:51 am

    [...] Wisconsin bill aims to penalize single moms – Parents.com [...]

  86. by Chantel

    On March 14, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Okay, this is ridiculous. I am a religious conservative. I was also a single mom for four years. No, it wasn’t ideal. But it was more ideal than raising my daughter with an unstable, abusive psychopath. Her bio father has been in and out of hospitals, claims he can’t work because his emotional health is so bad. THAT would have been abusive to my daughter. I wish that my current husband was her biological father, that he had been able to be there through her birth and all her milestones. But he is a father in every way that counts. And she and I did okay on our own, I put myself through nursing school so that I could provide stability. Once out of school, we no longer needed welfare assistance, despite her bio dad’s lack of child support. I guarantee you that my little girl is happy and healthy, more so than a child whose mother stays in an abusive relationship. Poor form, Wisconsin. Poor form.

  87. [...] Parents.com, a blogger identified as Julia — a single mom and dental resident — denounced the bill she could hardly believe was being introduced “by a man who has never been married [...]

  88. by Nathan Flynn

    On March 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Hey single parents, that’s my real name, and I am a Wisconsin resident who resides in the district currently ruled by Glenn Grothman. I have stood on street corners, near libraries, across from schools, and have gone door to door to remove this asinine clown from office. As a group, we came up a few thousand signatures shy of being able to force an election on him. So why am I here to psot this? To tell all of you that this is not representative of the way Wisconsin residents feel. Our legislative process has been hijacked by ALEC. Do some searches if you need to on the group, one with attaching ‘bills in Wisconsin’ will show you how what I am saying here is true. I urge you to become as proactive aspossible in identifying legislation in your states that are written by ALEC.

    I have the utmost respect for single parents. Having worked in offices that are mainly women staffed, I know how many times a day you are interrupted with having to deal with family issues. No one should be singled out like this for doing what is necessary to raise their children and make their own way through this world. We are trying the hardest to take our state back because a well functioning society is built on tolerance of all people. Please be patient with us, it’s a long row to hoe, but we’re up for the fight and plan on sticking up for anyone who feels targeted by horrible acts such as this one.

  89. by A Woman's Thoughts

    On March 15, 2012 at 9:17 am

    You stated that “Too often, a single mother is single because the father up and left her. How about penalizing those deadbeats instead of the hard-working, self-sacrificing women who pick up their slack?” If you are going to site issues than site the issue that not all fathers are DEADBEATS many are hard-working men who are not in the child’s life because many single mothers don’t want the father in the child’s life.

    Site the issue: that many of the fathers in multiple child households are selected based solely on their ability to pay child support.

    Site the issue: that many single mothers are just out for child support or a welfare check that increases with each child and they continue to have babies by different men in order to keep or increase these child support payments or government checks.

    This is ABUSE in the worst of forms. This process allows single mothers to continue to add to their homes children who are sometimes abused and neglected. How much easier it would be if ALL the states mandated that child support enforcement and public assistance (welfare, aid to dependent children, TANF, WIC, etc.) would be limited to (2) children for unwed mothers and not allow the system to be overrun with mothers who have 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 different fathers for their children. I believe any mother who KNOWS that after her second child she will not receive any additional/increased funding would think twice about having more children and trying to raise them on the support available for only two. This is not a penalty but a way to correct this system.

    Single mothers who collect child support or welfare who continually have babies are ABUSING THE SYSTEM. HOW COME NO ONE IS CONCERNED ABOUT THAT ISSUE? And who is picking up the slack for this egregious oversight, the TAX PAYER.

  90. [...] Parents.com, a blogger identified as Julia — a single mom and dental resident — denounced the bill she could hardly believe was being introduced “by a man who has never been married and [...]

  91. by Leslie

    On March 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    This is the most absurd bill I’ve seen proposed yet! My mother was a single parent, and not by choice mind you. Also, she was married to my father, and they divorced when I was two because of infidelity. I imagine most single parents (mothers or fathers) are not that by choice. Circumstances put them in that position. How dare the government take it into their hands to PUNISH single parents! Punish them for not being married? Are you kidding me? If there is anyone within the Wisconsin state gov’t who has a brain, he or she will NOT allow this ridiculous bill to pass!

  92. by Janette

    On March 17, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Speaking from experience, birth control fails and pregnancy results. As a single professional who is expecting, I am most insulted at the implication I will rely on state aid to provide for my child. I also want to point out that some of us AGONIZE over the decision to raise a child alone. I am reading numerous books on developmental psych & am happy to report children can be healthy when nurtured from many sources (family, daycare, schools, churches). I’m doing my part to be the best parent possible & will never stop. All I ask is that everyone do the same!

  93. [...] Parents.com, a blogger identified as Julia — a single mom and dental resident — denounced the bill she could hardly believe was being introduced “by a man who has never been married and [...]

  94. by twistedcross

    On March 22, 2012 at 1:18 am

    I think you’re just worried they’ll take away your freebies. If you didn’t make the public pay for your mistakes, no one would really give a shit. Take care of you own, and at the end of the day, you’ll know the ad doesn’t apply to you.

  95. by brittany

    On March 26, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    I agree that this is completely absurd and wrong, your comment “I don’t think so, Wisconsin” is too generalized. Not everyone in Wisconsin would support this. Wisconsin did not come up with this crazy idea. Just some ignorant man. I am from WI, and I am very liberal minded–as well as my husband and friends. I would appreciate if you would change that comment. It’s generalizing our whole state and grouping each person in with that fool–and that is not the case.–just like he apparently generalizes single parents.

  96. by Madalin

    On March 26, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    I think this bill is absolutely ridiculous! What about the single dads? What about the two biological parents who are married and beat their children? Or even molest them? Is this guy telling people you’re a bad mother because you’re single, but what you do to your child while you’re married doesn’t matter for the simple fact you aren’t single? That’s the message I’m getting from this clueless man! I’m a single mother, because the biological father decided he would rather not grow up so he can run off with 5other girls at the same time! He has seen her 2x in her life, and she is almost one. He has not spent 1 PENNY on her or even changed a diaper. And for the so called “single moms are abusive” card, well I think that’s complete bull. I could never, ever hurt my child and you can bet I’d kill someone if they ever put their hands on her or did anything perverted to her. Even if she was a grown adult I would go to the ends of the earth to do anything for her. Was the guy who wrote this bill dropped on his head as a child, because he clearly has no common sense. And maybe his stupid remarks like this is why he’s never been married and doesn’t have kids.

  97. by Tiffany

    On April 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    While I agree that this bill is crazy I totally disagree with your “political” statement. It is inaccurate statements and half truths that lead people from truly understanding issues. No one is trying to take birth control away. Stop with the liberal hysteria and speak in truth. Your inaccurate “political” rant takes away and undermines what you are rightly trying to defend about this single parenting bill. You obviously consider yourself an expert and intelligent, do yourself a favor and truly seek the truth, and it will set you free!

  98. by amy

    On April 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    What a terrible thing to say about your deceased sister. I am a cancer SURVIVOR, and am fortunate enough to still be with my husband. However, there are PLENTY of parents who are BOTH in treatment right now. Being married would not have secured that sweet boy any different of a future than she had. LIFE HAPPENS. And, by the way, thank goodness he wasn’t placed with YOU. I can’t imagine you having spoken ill of his mother as you were trying to raise him.

  99. by AV

    On April 5, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    I’ve never been a single mom, I’m a happily married stay-at-home mom, but I have close relatives & friends who are single moms for good reason. Who ever is trying to write legislation to abhorr single-parenthood ought to see the flip side of teh coin: There ARE worse things than being a single parent….being an abused parent at the hands of the parent’s spouse/partner and the kids suffer more from that than living in a single-parent household. ‘Nuff said!

  100. by Jessica

    On April 5, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    I too am a single mother of a seven month old. I am college educated. I am thirty five years old. I make just under a six figure income. I had failed birth control. Life happens. My boyfriend of six years wanted nothing to do with our son. I receive no support from him. I am not bitter torwards men and I provide the best of everything for my son by myself. It’s exhausting many days, but it’s never been hard. In fact, when you love someone this much, it’s the easiest thing in the world! Let’s stop judging single parents. There are so many of us out there that do an amazing job without abusing the welfare system or our children or our children’s fathers. We should be focusing on how to get the appropriate support to those who actually need it while realizing that not everyone does.

  101. by John

    On April 6, 2012 at 5:59 am

    I see a lot of very witty, but very emotional responses to a wholly imagined threat. If anybody here actually read the bill, you will see that it is for educational funding aimed a teenagers in Jr high & high school. This is in response to TV shows such as “15 $Pregnant” glamourizing young girls getting intentionally pregnant with little thotught of the consequences. The bill does not in any shape or form penalize anyone. It is merely a bill for sex education funding because all too often unwed teenage mothers end up on welfare or on public assistance, essentially costing the taxpayers dollars and making unnecessarily difficult lives for the children.

  102. by John T

    On April 6, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I haven’t read the bill, but here is my question:

    Regardless of how great a single parent is, wouldn’t the child – and the family- be better off with 2 loving parents?

    Given the incredible rise in single parent families, educating parents-to-be is not a bad thing. And yes, dead beat Dads should be shamed. But maybe some education will help women choose their mates more carefully.

  103. by Bevin L.

    On April 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    What a relief to finally hear comments on these men that take absolutley no responsibility for supporting women through the pregnancy and helping to raise the child. And the women that are raising their child/children on their own due to unforseen circumstances such as illness or sudden death. What about all those women who lost their spouses during 9-11?
    This country is one of free will, the reason why so many people from all over the world want to come and start a new life in the good Ol’ USA! What is this bill saying to that? What about the Constitution? Are men and women suddenly not created equal? Some of the bravest people I know are the ones who choose to raise their child as a single parent. Do any one of these men in Wisconsin pushing this bill realizing how much strength, spirituality, organization, love, and courage it takes to be a single parent? Probably not. I also agree with the comment about setting up funding for these single parents, no matter the reason they are on their own, as well as harsher laws in regards to deabeat dads. I am married with three wonderful children, but my oldest is not biologically my hubands’ son. After 12 years, I am just now able to go back into the courts for back child support, medical bills, extracurricular activities; you name it. I have been lucky. I have a very supportive family and my son has a few strong men to look up to, that he does look up to. What about those that have noone? That have no support? The young women (and sometimes men) who made the decision to raise the unexpected new life, and, from the day they find out about the pregnancy, have given up any and all selfish acts and decisions to be the best parent they can be? Even those with the best intentions, strongest wills, and brightest minds need support and help. Everyone has bad days, but when you are a single parent, and all by yourself, it makes those bad days 20 times worse. But, being a single parent doesn’t mean you have to be alone, either. These issues are cetainly what I feel most passionate about and hope to eventually be able to do something about it; soon! We, as a community, and as a country, need to help out. These children are our future. It takes a village to raise a child. We should be surrounding these parents with love and support, not judging them. That is what gives our future generations something to look forward to and something we can be proud to say we had a hand in creating.

  104. by Leslie Wojahn

    On April 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

  105. by Lacey

    On April 21, 2012 at 12:49 am

    I am a single mom by choose it happen because he kicked us out four times, his verbal abuse toward us, and his physical abuse to me and I was protecting my little girl!! SO BACK UP!!!! US SINGLE MOTHER’S DO NOT NEED ANYMORE ABUSE FROM STATE OFFICIALS!!!!