“I Miss My Mama”

Caroline is in Arizona for the week with Tyler, visiting his parents, because he has her for her birthday this year.  Which means, of course, that I’m on momcation… and missing her.

Whenever she’s away from me for more than a day or two, I always try to make the most of it, and this week has been no exception.  Since she left on Friday, I’ve been going nonstop, doing all the things that are impossible to do when you are a single mom to a toddler who’s in bed before 8pm.  I went shopping with friends, salsa dancing with my South American friends from work, have been out partying with friends until all hours (a more-than-semi-ridiculous night which actually ended up with me stitching up my friend’s face after she nailed herself with the car door), went on a really fun date with a very cute guy (judge me), celebrated match day out at the bars with my dental student friends, and of course enjoyed the requisite sleeping in and staying up super late, just because I can.

Clearly, I’ve been enjoying my single, childless life to the fullest.  I actually almost started to be grateful that she was gone for so long, because I was having so much fun and had really been in need of a break.  Then I was at work today, talking to Caroline in between patients via FaceTime, and she noticed my scrubs and head covering.

“Are you done being a dentist yet, Mama?” she asked.

“No, not yet,” I said, thinking she meant for the day.  ”I have awhile yet to go.”

“Oh,” she said sadly. “I thought it was time for me to come see Mama.  I asked Daddy if I could see my Mama and he said no because you were far far away.  I miss my Mama.”

SCREEEEEEEECHHHHCHUGCHUGCHUGSCREEEUUUGHHHHHH.

That was the sound of the Fun Train coming to a screeching, crashing halt– stopped in its tracks by the Divorced Mom Guilt.  I felt so guilty that I kind of wanted to cry.  Here I am, going out nonstop and having a blast, while my poor kid is 2000 miles away, missing her mom.

It’s not that I don’t miss her, of course… I keep as busy as I do because there is no point in wallowing in the sadness of her being gone.  All I can do is enjoy myself as much as I can until she gets back.

But man, that made me feel bad… as it should… I think.  What about you, fellow parents, single or otherwise– are you able to enjoy your kid-free time, or do you feel guilty about it if you do?

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  1. by Shenanana

    On February 1, 2012 at 12:13 am

    I went on a nursing service trip to Belize recently. My daughter is a year younger than Caroline, but she was asking for me when I was gone. I felt guilty…and I MISSED her so much!! Yet at the same time there was nothing I could do about it – so I went on all the trips and drank and spend time relaxing and reading. I did my best to write a bedtime letter each night and Skype with sketchy internet. I don’t blame you for enjoying yourself – Caroline is always going to be with one or the other and missing someone but there is nothing you can do about it. Maybe you’ll be a happier and more fun parent because you had some time to recharge. Bright side!

  2. by Jane

    On February 1, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    You are lucky enough to have your momcation. I’ve been a married single parent doing solo parenting for 1.5 years – my husband is deployed in another country. I’m all alone with my toddler son (2 years 5 months now) here in NYC with the rest of the family being across the ocean in a third country. And I have a full-time job that for at least half of the year I have to work on full workload. So no break whatsoever and exhausted every single day!

  3. by Caitlyn

    On February 3, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    So here’s the fine line- it is 100% okay to have a blast on momcation. You didn’t ship her off or dump her at your parents’ every weekend to go party. She’s spending time with her dad- something she needs. As long as your response to “I miss my mama” isn’t “Well that’s a bummer, ’cause Mama’s havin’ a BLAST without you!!”, I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. I’m married with a daughter, a step daughter, and a husband who works out of state every other week- we ALL need time to recharge.