And… I’m Back, You Guys.

Sometimes… a girl has to be a little b*tchy.

Actually, I should have prefaced this post with, “I’m back, you guys.”

Due to the HSD breakup drama, I had been lying in bed at my parents’ house and being useless all weekend, feeling naush, not eating anything and not really sleeping either.  My mom even accused me of being a detached mother to Caro, which was not exactly what I needed to hear at that point.  I was feeling pretty crappy about everything, which was only compounded by the fact that I left my parents’ house with Caroline to do some retail therapy shopping and accidentally rear-ended this woman as I was coming off the mall exit.

Yeah.  Awesome.  Not a great start to 2012.  I was starting to think that maybe in a past life I had dumped someone via text message for a married woman, or something.  (Karma, you know?)

I kind of wanted to lie down and give up at that point.

But I didn’t.

I chatted with the poor woman who I rear-ended, apologized a billion times, and told her about my crappy week:

Me: I know this doesn’t matter to someone who doesn’t know me, but my boyfriend dumped me via text message for a married woman the other day.  I guess I was distracted.  I’m so, so sorry.

Her: (long sigh…) Oh, honey.  I’d be out of it too.  I think your baby’s crying in the car.  You should go sit with her, I’ll talk to the police for you.  Hey, you know, I have a 16-month old boy myself.

Me: Really?  Awww.  What’s his name?

Her: DJ.  What’s your baby’s name?  She’s so cute.

Me: Caroline.  She’s pretty hilarious.  Poor kid, she has no idea why her mom is such an idiot.

Her: Honey, you’re not an idiot.  My name’s Natasha, by the way.  Hey, here’s my cell number.  Let’s keep in touch?  I hope things get better for you.

Clearly, Natasha and I are basically BFF now.  Even though, you know, I rear-ended her and destroyed her bumper and made her late for work.  We’re totally gonna hang out next weekend.  I told my friends this story and they all said “only you, Jules.”

So where was I?  Oh right.  After my retail therapy shopping session, which I really can’t afford since my car is most likely totaled due to the accident (seeing as how it’s worth about $400), I went home and posted the following Facebook status:

“ATTENTION!  Down-on-her-luck single mom, totaled car, dumped by douchebag boyfriend via text message for married woman, seeking volunteers to drive self and adorable toddler around for the next week.  (I’ll take 2011 back, thanks…) Any takers, please let me know!  Hugs.”

It got quite the response.  (If you’re a longtime reader, you know I’ve used my Facebook statuses to provocative effect in the past.)  Tons of people replied and messaged me and texted me and called me, and I have to say I was very touched by the outpouring of support and generosity towards Caroline and myself.  (Thanks, you guys.)

Also, HSD’s brother commented:

“Huh? Is there something I should know????”

Whoops.  Apparently, HSD didn’t even tell his family.  (Perhaps he was ashamed…?)

My response: “Well.  This is awkward.”

And I swear, if I hear anything from HSD about posting that on Facebook, my response will be, “Yeah, I feel badly about that.  For your brother.  Because it sucks to hear about important information via Facebook… or text.”

I hadn’t cracked a smile since I got that terrible text, but for some reason, this made me giggle for hours every time I thought about it.  And I felt like myself again.  Thank goodness.  I’m back, you guys.  I won’t let all this stuff get me down in the new year.

I needed a new car, anyway.

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  1. by Karen

    On January 2, 2012 at 6:37 am

    LOLOLOL! That’s who that was? LOLOLOLOLOL!

  2. by Shannon

    On January 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Is it bad that I’m really hoping he texts you so that you can use your awesome come back line?? LOVE IT! Glad you are feeling better. :)

  3. by JJ

    On January 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    LOVE this – made me smile for you :)

  4. by AFB

    On January 2, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I am so glad you are starting to feel better. It is only natural to feel sad after a break up. Especially such a shocking one.

    One day, Caroline will come home sad over a boy breaking her heart and you can say — well at least he did not do it over a text for a married woman. And you both will be have to laugh at the crazy stuff her mom has been through. And she will really find a great friend and teacher in you.

    Just another little thing to make you smile. Check out this hilarious drawing from a mom trying to potty train their toddler! It is hilarious! Enjoy!

    http://crappypictures.typepad.com/crappy-pictures/2011/11/public-toilets-vs-girls-and-boys.html

  5. by Jessica

    On January 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Sounds like my version of ringing in the new year. By my exH calling the police on ME for leaving after waiting for him after the required 15 min. for pick up with no phone call for where he was…ahem…me in contempt? Yah, the officer had a chuckle about that one. Too bad exH is all hopped up mad about it. Ugh. It never ends I swear.

  6. by Aims

    On January 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Sounds like a really crappy start to a new year but at least in the end you were able to smile about it all. Smiling after a horrible happening like yours is always a great way to cure the hurt.

  7. by SingleMama

    On January 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Glad to see you are back! Bright side…NEW CAR!!!

  8. by jaclyn

    On January 4, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Hi Julia,

    I’m really sorry you are going through a rough patch now. But I know that you are really smart and have a great sense of humor, and really love your daughter, so you must be a wonderful mom. And I hope things get better for you soon.