Thankful

I didn’t have Caroline for Thanksgiving this year.  I wasn’t really looking forward to it.  I never do look forward to holidays without her… divorced holidays are pretty sucky in general.  It’s supposed to be family time, you know?  Maybe they get better, but it’s all still pretty new to me at this point.

She left with Tyler for his parents’ house in Phoenix on Sunday, and she’s coming back tonight.  HSD went to Florida to visit family.  My best friend went to Maine to do the same.

I was not looking forward to this at all.

I made sure to have a big, long to-do list of stuff around the apartment to keep me busy.  I told myself that the alone time would be good for me, that it would be nice to sleep in and work out and have a glass of wine on Thanksgiving without worrying about what Caroline was destroying in the other room.

And you know what?  It was actually really nice.

I’ve gotten a ton of sleep, gotten all Caroline’s old baby stuff bagged up and sold for Christmas money, cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, and gone on plenty of long runs.  I went to Thanksgiving at a family friend’s place with my family, and it was so relaxing to eat delicious food and have adult conversation and not chase around a toddler and try to get her to eat her green beans.  It was just… nice.  It wasn’t lonely at all.

So this year, that’s what I am thankful for.  For the silver lining to divorced holidays, for the time spent alone, the time spent relaxing, a respite from my crazy-busy life.  For the time to get things done, for a glass of wine, for adult time.  And for knowing that once I’ve had my little break, my daughter will be coming home to me with a huge, excited grin on her face and with her arms outstretched towards me.

And now?  It’s Christmastime, my favorite time of the year.  I get Caroline for Christmas this year, and she’ll be almost three, and it is gonna be awesome.  I’ve got all my boxes of Christmas stuff out of storage, and it’s ready and waiting for her to come home and tear into it.    I am so looking forward to sharing all that with her… and I’m thankful for that, this year, too.

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  1. by Candy

    On November 25, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    I’ve been divorced going on 10 years now, so I totally feel ya on not spending holidays with your child….but it is a nice break where you get to feel human again for a bit. I have a daughter too and I’ve found that it is actually beneficial for BOTH of us to have a break from each other…me to recharge my batteries and my daughter to realize that “hey, maybe mom isn’t so annoying after all” Glad you were able to enjoy yourself and not wallow in sadness. :)