Apparently, You *Can* Fail a Pregnancy Test.
Last week, one of my single friends was worried that she might be pregnant. She texted me in a panic, asking if I got cramps with my morning sickness, and I yelled at her to take a test, and she yelled back that she couldn’t in the middle of the week because she would be a mess at work if she was indeed pregnant.
Eventually, she finally got up the nerve to take the test. Here are the texts we exchanged throughout her ordeal:
Her: Okay, I took a test. It’s blank.
Me: Blank? What do you mean, blank? There’s no control line?
Her: Nope. Blank. I think the test is too old.
Me: Don’t those things take like 10 years to expire? Exactly how long have you been taking pregnancy tests?
Her: Don’t judge. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that according to this test I’m not pregnant yet.
Me: I don’t think you understand what a pregnancy test does.
Her: Of course I do. You pee on the stick and then you may or may not get pregnant.
Me: Oh. See, this is why I have a kid. I don’t know how this s–t works.
Her: Exactly. If I had been around a few years ago, you might not have gotten knocked up.
Me: Look, would you just pee on another stick already?
(pause for about an hour)
Her: Okay, I got another test.
Me: And?
Her: Only test I’ve ever been happy to fail.
Me: Well, that’s a relief. This calls for a drink!!
Her: Yeah. After that first one was blank I was sure I was pregnant. Probably with a ghost baby. I didn’t remember having sex with a ghost, but then again I bet no one would, right?
Me: …I see you’ve started drinking without me.
Her: Yup. Cheers.
Categories: Pregnancy, Single Parenting, Unexpectedly Expecting | Tags: Babies, Caroline, Dating, Friends, Pregnancy, Single Parenting, Toddlers
by Shima
On November 7, 2011 at 8:51 pm
LOL! That’s hilarious. Thanks for that.
by SP
On November 8, 2011 at 8:08 am
Thanks for the heart attack with that picture coming up first in my reader….
by Julia
On November 8, 2011 at 8:25 am
HAHA!! Sorry SP!
by SingleMama
On November 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm
So…not to freak ya out or anything, but when I was pregnant, I took 4 tests that all said “not pregnant” when I in fact was…it took until I was close to 6 weeks along to get a positive reading.
by Ryan
On November 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm
better than a false positive! I got one of those once… I’ll never buy that brand again!
by Oli
On November 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm
omg so funny =)!
Until I read SingleMama’s comment!! uhhhhh THAT happens???
by SingleMama
On November 9, 2011 at 8:40 am
@Oli: Yes, yes it did! I even went to the doctor. When I told her I had taken 4 tests that all said negative she told me there was no way I was pregnant. I took one a week, in the morning like you are supposed to, for 4 weeks…then the 5th week it finally said “pregnant”.
by katharine
On December 2, 2011 at 1:10 pm
When I took my pregnancy test, it was what I like to call “inconclusive.” Couldn’t tell which result it was because it faint. Ended up getting a test done at the doctor’s office. It was weird being “cautiously excited” at the prospect of being pregnant.
by Elishama
On December 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I had a miscarriage and every time after that I feel as if am pregnant, I have cramps, nausea and lower back pain the test always comes out negative and Aunt Flo shows up a few days after.
by Nikki
On December 2, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Reminds me of an old friend. She didn’t want to test either b/c she knew she was pregnant. I finally made her. All I remember is her screaming “what do 2 lines mean, what do 2 lines mean?” She thought it meant twins.
by Allison
On April 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Uh yes – I can second what SingleMama said. Happened to me as well…