Today is my single-mom-a-versary. My Independence Day. One year ago, I told Tyler that I wanted a divorce.
(At least I’m pretty sure it’s today. If not, it’s very close to it.)
I should probably say that I have mixed feelings about this day. I should say that I am happy for my freedom from an unhealthy relationship, but I’m sad that my daughter will forever have to divide her time between her parents. I should say that I love my new life far more than I loved my old, but that I am sorry to have been the one to pull the plug on our little family.
These are the things I maybe should say. I often talk that way on this blog and I’ll admit that there’s some truth to it, to the mixed feelings and the sadness for what will never be. Then again, a lot of times I’m just afraid that I’ll get flamed for how truly, unabashedly, gloriously proud I am that I ended my marriage.
But today is Independence Day, and today I have no doubts or sadness, and today I don’t care what anyone says about my decision. Today I am happy and thrilled and proud. A year ago, I had the courage to stand up and face the fact that my charade of a marriage was not what I wanted for my child or for myself. I knew that I would break his heart and that nearly everyone I knew would be disappointed in me, including my own family. And it’s not that I didn’t care, but I knew with every fiber of my being that the choice I was making was the right one, and so I did it anyway.
I was done acting. I was done pretending. A year ago today, I told him that it was over, and I meant it, and I never backed down. And on this day every year, I plan to always be proud of myself for that.
So where am I now? I look back and remember, and really, what a difference a year makes. I’ve gone through the gut-wrenching pain of divorce and come out the other side, stronger. I pushed through the lonely times and learned to love my own company and treasure my time spent by myself. I took a good hard look at the person I was, and quite honestly I didn’t really care for her, so I’ve done what I can to become the kind of woman who my daughter will be proud to call her mother. Single motherhood is no longer a chore or a struggle or some scary, threatening obstacle to be overcome. It’s just my way of life now, and it is happy and fulfilling, and I am so, so very content. I am lucky to have everything that I have.
One year later, one husband lost, one diploma gained, and one happy little nontraditional family formed. This is how far I have come today, on the first anniversary of my Independence Day.
I wonder where I will be in my life by the next one.Add a Comment