Independence Day

Today is my single-mom-a-versary.  My Independence Day.  One year ago, I told Tyler that I wanted a divorce.

(At least I’m pretty sure it’s today.  If not, it’s very close to it.)

I should probably say that I have mixed feelings about this day.  I should say that I am happy for my freedom from an unhealthy relationship, but I’m sad that my daughter will forever have to divide her time between her parents.  I should say that I love my new life far more than I loved my old, but that I am sorry to have been the one to pull the plug on our little family.

These are the things I maybe should say.  I often talk that way on this blog and I’ll admit that there’s some truth to it, to the mixed feelings and the sadness for what will never be.  Then again, a lot of times I’m just afraid that I’ll get flamed for how truly, unabashedly, gloriously proud I am that I ended my marriage.

But today is Independence Day, and today I have no doubts or sadness, and today I don’t care what anyone says about my decision.  Today I am happy and thrilled and proud.  A year ago, I had the courage to stand up and face the fact that my charade of a marriage was not what I wanted for my child or for myself.  I knew that I would break his heart and that nearly everyone I knew would be disappointed in me, including my own family.  And it’s not that I didn’t care, but I knew with every fiber of my being that the choice I was making was the right one, and so I did it anyway.

I was done acting.  I was done pretending.  A year ago today, I told him that it was over, and I meant it, and I never backed down.  And on this day every year, I plan to always be proud of myself for that.

So where am I now?  I look back and remember, and really, what a difference a year makes.  I’ve gone through the gut-wrenching pain of divorce and come out the other side, stronger.  I pushed through the lonely times and learned to love my own company and treasure my time spent by myself.  I took a good hard look at the person I was, and quite honestly I didn’t really care for her, so I’ve done what I can to become the kind of woman who my daughter will be proud to call her mother.  Single motherhood is no longer a chore or a struggle or some scary, threatening obstacle to be overcome.  It’s just my way of life now, and it is happy and fulfilling, and I am so, so very content.  I am lucky to have everything that I have.

One year later, one husband lost, one diploma gained, and one happy little nontraditional family formed.  This is how far I have come today, on the first anniversary of my Independence Day.

I wonder where I will be in my life by the next one.

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  1. by KatieCJ

    On August 27, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I just recently had my bittersweet day too. Actually, I was so busy, I didn’t realize it until the evening, but still it’s amazing how much my life has changed in the past year.

    It’s been hard, but for the first time, I do have hope for my future and I know my life will be happier and better.

    I love your blog, you are a real inspiration for me and a lot of what you say really rings true for me. It’s nice to not be alone!

  2. by Kathleen

    On August 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    I just recently came across your blog and want to thank you for putting yourself out there. It is comforting to know I am also, not alone. I just recently made the decision to end my marriage. I am 24 years old and while we did not have children, I can relate to soo many of your posts. It is so oddly freeing. I was so terrified of life without him that I couldn’t see how bad it gotten. Thank you for your words, they are truly comforting.

  3. by Richelle

    On August 28, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    You are simply amazing.

    You’re a role model to many women and have every right to feel proud of your accomplishments.

    Congratulations.

  4. by Tricia

    On August 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Love your blog! I’m wondering if Tyler still reads your entries? I saw in an earlier post (way earlier) that he was one of the only ones who knew about it, so I’m assuming he still does… Does that ever change the way you describe things or does he ever call you about something you wrote?

  5. by Berit Thorkelson

    On August 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Congrats! I’m proud of you too. In fact, this made me a little teary with happiness for you, and I’m *fairly* certain it’s not just the pregnancy hormones.

  6. by Julia

    On September 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Thank you ladies for your kind words! :) Tricia, he definitely knows about it but says he doesn’t read it because it makes him sad, and I believe him. It never changes the way I write and he has never said anything about any of my posts.