“Will You Get Married Again?”
People ask me this question a lot. At this point, almost a year after I ended my relationship with Tyler, I don’t really know the answer to it.
For many months after I filed for divorce, I would answer that question without hesitation: “No, not ever.” I was buried in divorce paperwork and court dates and worries about losing time with my daughter, and the thought of ever legally tying myself to someone again was exhausting and unthinkable. Now, I’m still leaning towards “no”, but I’m not sure.
It is my cynicism that is the problem. One of the things I hate most about divorce is that it took from me this bright-eyed innocent hopefulness about love that I used to have. I’ve been accused of being bitter and although I don’t know if that’s the right word, because I have a very happy life, I can see how sometimes I might come off that way. I hate that I pass couples and little families on the street and think “but how happy are they really?” I hate that I hear about couples who have been together for 40 years and think “what if it’s just that neither of them had the guts to end it?”
(Man. Typing that out sounds pretty brutal. But you know I go for complete honesty around here.)
I guess that when it comes down to it, my answer is “if I ever find someone I’m compatible enough with to marry.” Having settled for who I married the first time around, I’m incredibly picky about dating… probably unrealistically so. I am infamous among my friends for always finding a reason to not go on a second date. I was discussing yet another first date with my friends this week and I was telling them how I didn’t think we had enough in common. ”Exactly what kind of compatibility are you looking for?” one of them asked. ”Jules. You are impossible,” another sighed. ”You’re going to have to give someone a chance sometime.”
Am I, though? It took me long enough to establish that I am happier alone than married to someone I don’t mesh with. If I’m content, why change anything? I don’t like to go on dates just to go on dates. I guess I’m in a place where I’m so happy with the way things are going that it is going to take something really special to convince me to be in a relationship… and something far beyond that to make me ever consider marriage again.
Of course having a child adds a whole other dimension to the question. I am terrified of Caroline getting attached to someone only to have them not end up in her life. We go through enough back-and-forth with Tyler that I’m even more picky with potential boyfriends because I do not want to let her down again. On the other hand, a stable married relationship in her primary home, with a good male role model, would probably be better for her than living alone with me until she moves out.
So tell me, if you’re divorced, do you think you’ll get married again? If you’re a single parent and have never been married, would you like to someday?Add a Comment