Visitation Is My Momcation
Tyler and his mom did end up coming to visit Caroline this week. The three of them are staying at my parents’ house (in what has got to be the awkward situation of the century) while I go about my life for one Caroline-less week.
It is bizarre, really. She hasn’t been with Tyler for even one night since April, so I had forgotten what it was like to live without her. My apartment is clean and quiet. I don’t have to rush home from school to pick her up from daycare and cook and feed her and bathe her and get her to bed. I don’t have to get up during the night and I don’t have to get up before six. I can stay late at work if I need to, I can work out whenever I want, and eat whatever and go out with friends. I can actually be out of my apartment after 7:00 pm. I’m… a free woman.
I kind of hate it.
Well, okay, full disclosure– I don’t hate it. For a couple of days, it is a huge relief to have a break from my hectic working single mom lifestyle. Catching up on sleep and work and time with friends is awesome. But after that… I miss her. Your child is a part of your life and your home and your heart. ”Mommy” becomes a huge part of your identity, of who you are. When your child is not around, you are missing a part of yourself.
Honestly, it makes me wonder how Tyler lives without her all the time. I miss her terribly and it’s only been half of the week. (He’s just here until Thursday, but then I’m on call Friday and Saturday so she’ll stay with my parents until Sunday.) I suppose we have always had very different priorities in that respect…
But all of this is just a part of coparenting. I could mope around and whine about how I miss her. Or, I could make the most of my “momcation” to do all the things that I miss out on while I am busy single-mom’ing it. And I can be grateful that she is getting to spend some time with her father, and hopefully they are bonding. I feel a little guilty about going out and having fun and enjoying my “freedom”… but I can’t change that she has to spend this time away from me. I might as well try to make the most of it.
She needs her dad, and I need a break. Soon enough she’ll be back here with me. And the time spent apart, as always, will make for a very happy reunion for both of us.