Over My Head
So I’m a couple days into my residency orientation, and I’m starting to fear that I might be in over my head.
It’s not the being-a-real-live-dentist thing that has me worried, although I am a little nervous about treating patients on my own for the first time. It’s the on-call hours that are making me twitchy.
The call hours at this residency are pretty minimal because there are 19 residents, which is why this is the only residency I applied to. Basically, we rotate through the 19 of us and see emergency patients for a period of 24 hours, from 6pm one day to 6pm the second day, at which point we hand the beeper off to the next resident.
6pm is not a very convenient hour for a single mom or actually for any mom in general, let’s be real. Daycare closes at 6. Dinner is at 6. Caroline needs to be fed and bathed and rocked and read to and put to bed… all of that starting at 6. And in my case, all of those jobs are all mine, all the time. So I’ll have to have someone else pick Caroline up from daycare and do all of those things for her, while I take the pager and stay at the hospital until 10pm, at which point I can go home but could possibly be called in during the night. And then I have to go in around 8am and stay there until 6pm when I can hand off the pager… except daycare will be closed, and both daycare and my apartment are 20 minutes away from the hospital, so I guess I’ll have to have someone else pick Caroline up again?
My mom is happy to help me but she lives an hour away (and works over an hour away) so I feel badly about making her drive back and forth all of those times. I could have a friend help me occasionally, but then I’ll have to get another carseat. I am not afraid or ashamed to ask for help, but I don’t want people to feel like I’m using them and anyway Caroline is really my responsibility and no one else’s.
Also, what if I get called in during the night? It supposedly happens very rarely. But I guess if it does, Caroline’s coming in to the ER with me at 3am to learn how to write a prescription for Vicodin. Baby’s first drug-seeker. It’s a precious milestone, not to be missed.
For the millionth time I sat in my seat in that lecture room and looked around the room and thought, why can’t I be one of these other people who can just come and go as they need to? Some of my coresidents are also mothers, but they have husbands or family close by to help.
I guess residencies are just not designed for single parents. But I am gonna do this. I’ll figure out a way.Add a Comment