Let’s Talk Irrational Toddler Behavior.
Some of the stuff toddlers do just doesn’t make any sense. Some might say that is a consequence of their underdeveloped frontal lobes. (Yup, I’m a doctor. Of teeth.) I say it’s a conspiracy of the small people to make all of us previously-sane adults completely and collectively lose our ever-loving minds. You know what I’m talking about.
1. Totally unreasonable screaming fits.
They start with some innocuous statement on your part and end with completely incoherent banshee screaming and howling on your toddler’s part, complete with kicking, screaming, lying down on the floor and bawling; hyperventilating and breath-holding; hitting and biting and kicking. You know. No big deal.
Let’s take a personal example from my own life.
Caroline and I are playing with puzzles on the living room floor. I tell her, “I’m just going to go turn the oven on.” The kitchen, in our apartment, is about three feet away from the living room floor. She can still see me. In fact, I can pretty much turn the oven on while still touching her. Yet the response is a wildly panicked “AAAIIIEEEOOORRRGHHHH!!! NO MOMMY!! NOOO!! PEEEEASE!! NO TURN OVEN ON!! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!” I swear, the neighbors are going to call DCF on me one of these days, just for trying to make a home-cooked meal for my kid. It will be totally unfair and I hope you all will defend me.
2. Refusing any and all life-sustaining food, except for Cheerios.
When Caroline was about a year old, she would eat anything. I could chop up a block of tofu and she’d devour it with a smile. Now her idea of the perfect dinner consists of a bowl of ketchup and a spoon. I make her all kinds of delicious things: gorgonzola-bison sliders with baked sweet potato fries; grilled veggies with grape tomatoes, fresh basil, and goat cheese in a honey-balsamic dressing; chicken tikka masala with cucumber mint raita; pan-seared sea scallops with fresh mango salsa… I put whatever it is in front of her. She looks at it. ”Mommy, I have cereal?”
3. Laughing whilst you try to discipline them.
Let’s take another example from my life. Caroline knows she isn’t supposed to stand up in the tub. She is going to slip and fall and smash her teeth and for God’s sake, I can’t handle a dental emergency with my own child, I’d freak out and turn into an incompetent pile of smush. She stands up, grinning at me. I say “sit down, Caro.” She laughs maniacally and says “No mommy! When mommy mad, I Caroline Anne.” I say in Mom Voice, “Sit Down, Caroline Anne.” She laughs so hard that she slips and falls, which is exactly what I was trying to prevent in the first place. Then she cries and looks at me, betrayed, as if it’s my fault.
And all of this, friends, is why I add $15 for a box bottle of wine into my budget for everything. Every meal, every purchase, every event. It’s just self-preservation. That’s all. You understand.
Now, share your toddler’s irrational behaviors in the comments. Really, do it. I need to make sure I’m not alone here with the insanity.Add a Comment