Kissing Frogs

I wrote a post a few months ago about my decision to be done with relationships for awhile.  I’m still pretty much in the same place, but I’ll admit that since then I’ve had my share of bad dates and casual flings.  Let me tell you about a few of them.  I feel a little bit badly about writing this post… but only a little.  (Hey, brutal honesty is what I do here.  And I won’t name any names.)

So let’s see.  There was the cardiologist who I had “friendly” drinks with one night.  The evening was a little boring, but uneventful until he walked me to my car.  I told him goodnight and turned to get in my car, when suddenly he grabbed my shoulders and planted one on me.  I pulled away reflexively (I really did not want to kiss this guy) and he sucked onto my lip really hard to keep me there.  I ripped him off my face and yelled “OW!!  WTF!”  He just stood there looking confused, so I glared at him, jumped in my car, and drove off.

You’d think that would be the end of it, right?  Oh, no.  No, no no.  Ten minutes into my drive, my phone dinged.  Text from him: “I had a great time tonight.  Would you want to go to brunch with me tomorrow?”  I threw my phone into the back seat in disgust.

My lip was black and blue for a week.  People, you can’t make this chiz up.

Then there was the med student I had a little ill-advised encounter with during senior week.  The first night I met him, he asked what I was doing the next day and the next day and the next, if I wanted to be his date to the graduation formal even though he already had a date, if I wanted to meet his parents who were flying in two days later, and if he could hang out with my daughter.  Yeah.  That lasted another ten minutes.  Tops.

What else?  I could go on and on… The following lines have actually been uttered by men I have talked to since my divorce: “So, why’d you get divorced?” (That was an opening line on a date.)  ”You’re too young to be divorced.”  (To which I snapped with a poisonous smile, “There is no ‘too young to be divorced’.  There’s only ‘too young to be married.’”)  And my personal favorite, “No matter what happens tonight, I’m making it my Facebook status that I hooked up with a doctor.”  (Okay, to be fair, I’m pretty sure that one was a joke, and I did laugh.)

There have been other various encounters with classmates and guy friends where I was careful to state beforehand that I wasn’t really interested in dating, so it was just a “friendly” drink or that we were going to whatever event “as friends”. Those situations never turn out well.  Finally one of my girlfriends said “Hey Jules?  If you have to specify that you’re doing something ‘just as friends’, maybe just don’t do it at all.”

She has a point.  Having been with the same guy for seven years, I am a little rusty when it comes to dealing with men.

So, ladies.  (And gentlemen.)  This is what’s out there.  Any other single parents care to share their dating disasters in the comments?

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  1. by LJHP36

    On May 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Maybe the guys think you are interested in casual encounters since you told them you did not want to date but still agreed to go out with them. I was told before that guys are never “friends” with girls unless they think there is an attraction there. They are friends in hopes of hooking up one day.

  2. by MMC

    On May 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    I’m not a single mom but I’ve had plenty of bad dates in my past. Think of it this way, you have to weed out the bad ones to find the really good ones (this actually will happen eventually). I went out with one guy who, when I asked if he liked sports, he responded with, “I’m not really into sports. I guess Phish would be my biggest sport.” The best was my cute neighbor who took me out for beers (1 PBR each) and a cup of soup (him) and then demanded that we split the tab.

  3. by Dr. Blaze

    On June 5, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    I’m reading the part about the med student encounter and I’m contesting the truthfullness of the story. My source tells me that encounter lasted more than 10 minutes.