Uncontested.

Big news. Tyler and I came to an agreement on custody and visitation. Without any lawyers, or mediators, or judges, or hitmen.

::hallelujah chorus::

That was the only issue we had to resolve in order to have an uncontested divorce. For awhile there it was looking like we were going to have to have a long, drawn-out, expensive trial… but thankfully we were able to come to a compromise and now it’s all down in writing to be filed at the courthouse before our final hearing. Which should be sometime next month.

Getting divorced is really such a pain in the ass. I don’t know who thought of this system, but whoever did is not very bright. So, these two people can’t get along well enough to live under the same roof? Let’s have them jointly fill out a mountain of paperwork that’s about three miles high, and have them arrange to spend some quality evenings at court-ordered parenting classes together! That should go well! Bring it in, you two! Group hug!

But, I guess that’s just how it is when it doesn’t work out. It takes a lot of paperwork to dissolve a marriage, and even after the final signature, if you have kids, you’re tied together in some way for the rest of your lives. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, baby… you, me, and our divorce decree. Romantic, isn’t it?

So, here’s what we came up with. Joint legal custody. Primary residence with me. Tyler gets visitation every other weekend, and 1-2 weeknights per week for a total of up to 5 nights per 14 days. Alternating holidays. He gets two blocks of two weeks each in the summer. And I have to pay for one plane ticket to North Dakota per year.

He is most likely moving to Denver in the spring or summer, so the paperwork will have to be modified after that. I’m pretty happy with our agreement overall. There are some things I don’t love, of course, but in the big picture I would rather give a little more than I would like so that I can maintain a good relationship with him for Caroline’s sake. Things between us are civil, even almost friendly, and I hope we can keep it that way because it will be better for her in the end.

Life is good these days. I feel calm and happy and hopeful. And really, all the legal stuff has gone as well as we could have hoped for so far. You really can’t ask for much more than that!

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  1. by MJS

    On January 18, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Hi Julia-I think this part is just so well stated: "I would rather give a little more than I would like so that I can maintain a good relationship with him for Caroline's sake. Things between us are civil, even almost friendly, and I hope we can keep it that way because it will be better for her in the end."Good for you for coming to this place(both of you), and I am thrilled to see that things are continuing to get better for you. You deserve only the best, and I think you're definitely on the road to that. :) I think 2011 is going to be a much better year, yes? Best wishes, as always! :) MJS

  2. by MrsKatieH

    On January 20, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    Julia this is great news and a sign that 2011 is going to bring you happiness and peace :)