Deep Breath

Okay. Whew. What an interesting few days I’ve had! (That’s what I can tell myself– no matter what else happens, hey, at least I’m not bored!) I was finally able to reach Tyler and my parents, who have now all been sucked up by the no-cell-phone black hole of communication that is North Dakota. I’ve googled like a madwoman. And I am feeling better.

Every morning I just have to keep telling myself: yes, there is a lot going on right now, but you’ve gotten through everything so far. A lot of it really sucks, but if you don’t get out of bed in the morning and go for a walk and eat something and start studying, no one is going to do it for you. You’re on your own with this, for now, but you’ve been doing it on your own for two weeks, so you can just keep doing it. There really isn’t any other option, so– GET! UP! NOW! MOVE that pregnant butt!!!!

Dr. Internet told me that people often don’t see a fetal pole at 6 weeks, and even if that weren’t true, there would be nothing I could do. I got my HCG level checked, so I can find out what that was when I go get my Rhogam shot this morning (I’m Rh negative). I think I have to get it checked again tomorrow. And then on the 18th, hopefully I will have a story just like all the ones I read online yesterday– I’ll go in and see a little embryo with a heart beating and that worry, at least, will be over with. I really wish I hadn’t gone for that ultrasound, because if 6 weeks is on the maybe-you’ll-see-it, maybe-you-won’t borderline, I’d've preferred to wait until I could get a definite answer. But, I was having pain and a tiny spot of pink (which now I can’t figure out if I imagined, because it was so light and I haven’t seen anything since), so I had to go see if it was ectopic. The pain was a big cyst in my ovary, by the way– about half the size of my fist!! Which they said will go away on its own, and I get those often anyway. Anyway, I still feel like crap and I can’t eat my cereal with milk to save my life (how come I never realized how disgusting that sh*t is before??), so I am going to assume there is a baby in there until proven otherwise.

Somehow, even with all of this going on, I’ve really gotten a lot of studying done for the boards. I’m feeling pretty confident about them. I mean, I guess I have basically been studying for them for the last two years, but I do feel like I’ve gotten through a lot of material in the past week and a half. And now there’s less than a week until it’s all done with! I can’t wait.

So, I’m off for my morning walk. Thanks so much for your support yesterday, ladies, it really did help a lot!!

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