Posts Tagged ‘ special needs parenting advice ’

Toilet Training A Child With Special Needs: Parents’ Top Tricks

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

I recently found out about Touchless Toilet Technology from Kohler—a way to flush just by holding a hand over the tank lid, where a sensor has been placed. It’s really cool, and it seems like it would have been an excellent potty tool when I was training Max. Back then, both of us needed all the motivation and temptation that we could get. Max was day trained at school for a long time before he finally became so at home, at age 9. One key thing I learned: Parents have to be just as ready as the kids are. Potty-training a kid with special needs requires dedication, and if you’re not diligent about whatever tactic you try, your child won’t get into the groove.

I asked special needs parents on social media for their best tricks and tactics for potty training a child with special needs. May the flush be with you!

ENCOURAGEMENT

“What finally worked was using star stickers on a chart. Nicholas got to put one on every time he went. It seemed to really work for him that way (even though I still had to more or less force him onto the seat each time).”—Sarah L.

“The Clean Pants Check. We did the usual sitting on the potty 30 minutes after eating or drinking, but instead of checking every 30 minutes thereafter to see if he was ‘dirty,’ we checked to see if he was CLEAN, then rewarded him. He is autistic and was not potty-trained at 4.5 years old. It only took one month with this method.”—Peggy M.

“Lukas is autistic. We did lots of modeling and letting him see us go. We are not a shy family. No pressure. A couple of months after turning four, he just went in and did it. That was it.”—Rebecca D.

“I put a Pull-Up on over a pair of panties. She felt the wetness, which ultimately motivated her not to go in her pants, and I had the leak protection of a Pull-Up.”—Crystal S.

“My son was very stubborn. Making him responsible helped. He had to get the Pull-Ups from the drawer and throw them away. I bought toddler wipes so he could more easily clean himself. Eventually I think it just came down to…it was time. He was 9.”—Angela S.

“For nighttime training, two words: alarm underwear!“—Melissa M.

“For my grandson, I picked a weekend, I talked about it with him and told him when he got home from school on Friday, he would be able to wear Big Boy underwear that he picked out the week prior (Buzz Lightyear)…. The two days of potty training gave him the ability to understand what holding it meant, and he had had to tell somebody. He has had a few accidents, but we never went back to diapers. He will be 9 tomorrow and completely potty trained. They said he would never accomplish being potty trained…. HA!”—Barbara D.

EDUCATION

“Avakid’s app See Me Go Potty. Seriously, worked like a charm.”—Faye C.

“We used potty-training DVDs and huge celebrations: woo-hoos, dancing, making a complete jack@$$ of ourselves.”—Devon B.

“Learning to point to icon on his speech app led to being willing to sign/verbalize needing to go. Didn’t happen until age 12 after trying many other ways.”—Peggy R.

“Repetition. We just did it over and over and over and over (you get it) until it stuck. Oh, and Reece’s Pieces.”—Patty H.

ENTERTAINMENT

“I bought those little tablets that you throw in the water of the toilet, they come in all different colors. I guess it’s kind of like target practice: Once they pee on the little tablet it starts to dissolve nd turn the toilet water whatever color the tablet is.”—Stacy S.

A giraffe puppet trained mine! They wouldn’t do it for me, but they’d do it for the puppet.”—Kristen R.

“For my daughter, I painted her toenails while she sat on the potty. She was fascinated by watching me do it and it would keep her still and help her stay put for a few minutes.”—Rosie R.

“There is this funny song about poop in Brazil, with a video clip and everything. I used to sing it for my son, making voices and faces, while he tried to do number 2. It worked really well. This is the link. Yeah, it’s a poop singing!”—Andrea B.

REWARDS/BRIBERY!

“He wanted a doctor kit so I put a brand new one on top of the entertainment center out of reach and said he had to use the potty and get out of diapers to have it. Every time he asked for it I just said, ‘You know what you need to do.’ I didn’t push him to use the potty. One day he decided he wanted it enough and did it. He was almost 5.”—Jennifer R.

“Had a treat box in the bathroom filled with cheap toys my son loves from Walmart and Big Lots! When he did his thing, he would get to choose one.”—Kay T.

“I used Daniel’s favorite, M&M’s, plus I kept a potty chair in the family room for emergencies!”—April G.

“A Lalaloopsy mini doll as a reward for poop on the potty. I bought an eight-pack for $44. Best money I ever spent. After two years of potty training for poop, this finally seemed to work at the age of 6.”—Christie C.

“I told my son with Sensory Processing Disorder that we couldn’t go to Disney World the following week, because Mickey didn’t let kids his age who couldn’t use the potty into Disney World. I only told him this because his OT and I agreed he was not doing it purely out of stubbornness, at that point. I wish I had done it sooner because 48 hours later, he was completely day-trained.”—KLW

CUE: LET IT GO

“Nothing worked. And we tried EVERYTHING! He just had to be ready. We finally just gave up, told him he could stop trying and wear Pull-Ups as long as he needed to. He self-trained the next day. He was 4 and we’d been trying for two years. I think just stepping back and taking the pressure off, letting him set the agenda and be in control of the process was key for him. He has Asperger’s.”—Angela C.

“Wine. #formom.”—Katrina M.

From my other blog:

Kamikaze potty training

A happy ending to the toilet-training saga 

Potty training boot camp
Image of child looking at toilet via Shutterstock 

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Prompting Conversation And Communication With An Autistic Child

Thursday, August 28th, 2014

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs  over at Atypical Familia.

My son, Norrin, has been working with a speech therapist for the last six years – ever since his autism diagnosis. At the time he was diagnosed, he had no language or communication skills. Recently, Norrin saw a picture of me that prompted him to ask me 5 appropriate questions in a row. I was beyond excited! Since then, I’ve been finding ways to build on his conversation skills.

Linda M. Reinert, speech language pathologist and author of Talking Is Hard for Me! Encouraging Communication in Children with Speech-Language Difficulties, encourages parents, teachers and caregivers to “expect communication.”

Tempting as it might be, stop trying to read the child’s mind. Consider what the next level of communication might be and expect that…expect the child to respond in a way that just a bit more difficult than [his or] her current means of communication.

I always try to keep that in mind when I talk to Norrin. He’s been much more expressive and so now I expect a little more each time we talk.

Here are my 6 simple rules for prompting conversation with my son:

Set the mood. Make sure your child is relaxed and ready to talk. Turn off all distractions so they can focus on you. And give yourself at least 10 – 15 minutes to commit to giving them your full attention. Go for a walk in the neighborhood and talk about what you see. Sit at the table while they are having an afternoon snack. I like talking to Norrin right before bed. He’s had his bath, he’s winding down and open to talking.

Keep it simple and specific. Don’t go into a whole monologue and/or fire off a bunch of questions. Use simple language and ask them one specific question at a time.

Follow up. Conversations are all about the follow up question. Build your conversation based on the answers your child provides.

Be patient and wait for response. Some kids need a few minutes to digest the question and think about the answer. So wait a minute or two.

Repeat and/or rephrase the question. If you’ve asked a question and too much time has passed. Ask again. If you have to ask a third time, rephrase the question. If they need help, provide two choices or use pictures and have them point.

Look for inspiration. There is inspiration everywhere. Show them a picture of something fun you did together and ask your child about it. Sometimes I’ll point out something as we’re walking around the neighborhood and ask him to tell me about the specific object.

It really doesn’t matter what you talk to your child about. The important thing is to take the time to talk to your child and get them into a back and forth dialogue. And with each conversation, always expect a little bit more.

And from my other blog:

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How Not To Handle a Public Meltdown

Wednesday, June 18th, 2014

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs  over at Atypical Familia.

Being an autism mom can amazing as well as challenging. As a mom, the amazing is easy to handle. I cheer every single moment and milestone because I know how hard my kid works. But the challenging stuff? The stuff that keeps me up at night or the things that make me see red – there’s no hand book for that.  And sometimes my initial instinct isn’t always the best reaction.

It happened in a fast food restaurant. My son, Norrin, and I were sitting at a table waiting for my husband, Joseph, to bring over our food. I handed Norrin his iPad while we waited. We were on vacation, completely out of our routine and it was an unbearably hot day. All Norrin wanted was to return to the hotel pool.  And there was no WiFi connection and Norrin wanted to watch a video on YouTube. All the ingredients for a major meltdown.

I calmly explained to Norrin that we were for Dad to return with our food. We were going to eat and then go back to the hotel. Usually Norrin is fine. He doesn’t need visual cues so long as I tell him what comes next. But the last few days Norrin had been having a hard time. And in that crowded fast food restaurant, my 8 year old son started to cry and scream. I remained calm and tried to comfort him with words, smoothing his hair away from his face. But he didn’t stop. His face was bright red and his nose runny, tears streaming down his face.

That’s when I noticed a table of three men staring at Norrin; their eyes wide open and lips curled in a smirk.

“Is there a problem?” I demanded. And when they shook their heads no, I yelled “Then why are you staring.” I was all New York Latina attitude, neck rolling and hand waving. I glared at them until they looked away and went back to eating.

Joseph had returned with our food and managed to calm Norrin down. Unlike me, Joseph had ignored the men and focused on Norrin.

I’m not usually that bold to confront a table of men. But I had been feeling overwhelmed and my Mama Bear instinct just went into full gear. In retrospect, it was the completely wrong way to handle the situation. What if one of those men did have a problem? Was I truly prepared to take on three men? I cannot put myself or my family in that kind of situation. I may not be able to control how others react to Norrin, but I am in total control of how I react to them.

During a public meltdown, the only person that matters is my kid. I have to tune out everyone else, ignore the stares, the smirks, the finger pointing. While it may not have been my finest parenting moment, it was definitely a lesson learned.

Have you ever confronted a stranger for staring at your special needs child?

Catch up with last week’s post: Six Years Later, I Am Still Learning To Accept Autism

From my other blog:

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Six Years Later, I Am Still Learning To Accept Autism

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs  over at Atypical Familia.

I will never forget the day my son, Norrin, was diagnosed with autism. The days, weeks and months that followed I felt this overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. At the time of Norrin’s diagnosis he had no speech; he couldn’t point his finger and lacked imaginative play skills. That was six years ago.  Norrin has had made significant progress. We’ve celebrated many milestones since then because we’ve seen how hard he’s worked to achieve the things that come so naturally to other children his age.

Norrin is now 8 years old and has been autistic for most of his life. The constant feelings loss and sadness have long subsided. I don’t wish to cure Norrin’s autism and I don’t believe it’s the worst thing that could have happened.

Autism has become part of our every day. It’s so common to us that I don’t even think about it. And since Norrin is my only child, I have no idea what it’s like to raise a “typical” kid. I focus on the things Norrin can do rather than the things that he can’t. And I tell myself that he will meet those milestones in his own time.

We were on vacation last week. We went to Walt Disney World – the Most Magical Place on Earth. It’s the place most kids dream about. I watched as other families waited on line, as kids excitedly pointed to rides wanting to get on. They wanted to watch the parade, posed for pictures and looked like they were having fun. And while other kids were having fun, Norrin – after the second ride – had a complete meltdown. He started crying uncontrollably and said he wanted to go back to the hotel over and over again. I tried to console him but nothing I said soothed, he was ready to leave.

In that moment, I was reminded of autism. And all those feelings of loss crept in.

As we were walking out of the park, I felt defeated and disappointed. It had been years since we had a vacation and I wanted Norrin to have fun. I wished that we were like every other family in the park, the ones you see in the commercial. I know I shouldn’t compare but sometimes it’s hard not to. “Why does something fun have to be so hard?” I wondered.

We returned to the hotel, changed into our bathing suits and went down to the pool. We spent the next few hours splashing, swimming and having fun. Norrin was having a blast swimming under water and practicing floating on his back. The pool was small enough that I could sit on a nearby lounge chair  and watch. It was a luxury and I appreciated the moment. Hours earlier at the park, I held his hand tightly, too scared to let go.

I love my son and I have accepted autism. Six years ago, I couldn’t see beyond his diagnosis. I couldn’t have imagined the progress he’s made. We have good days and not so good days. Days when I can forget autism exists and moments when autism is overwhelming. And during those moments, I have to accept autism all over again.

Catch up with last week’s post: Father and Son Bonding When Your Son Has Autism

Understanding Autism: Sensory Issues
Understanding Autism: Sensory Issues
Understanding Autism: Sensory Issues

From my other blog:

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Father and Son Bonding When Your Son Has Autism

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs  over at Atypical Familia.

When Norrin was first diagnosed with autism, my husband, Joseph, had a difficult time. Like many fathers of sons, Joseph imagined little league, football games or teaching him how to drive. Neither of us imagined, therapists, disability or special education. Those first few weeks/months/years we wondered if Norrin would ever speak or grow up to be independent. And I know Joseph worried about what kind of relationship they would have. If they would ever have that father-son bond.

Norrin started baseball again this year. This time, he’s on a team and is required to play each week. Last week was Norrin’s second game and Joseph was Norrin’s “buddy.” Norrin hit his first single! Seeing the look of pride on Joseph’s face, reminded me of how their relationship has evolved over the years and how Joseph has learned to bond with Norrin.

4 Ways My Husband Bonds With Our Autistic Son

Comic Books & Cartoons. Joseph is a major comic book fan. So much so that we named Norrin after a comic book character! While I spend my bedtimes reading Norrin my childhood favorites, Joseph reads books featuring his favorite comic book heroes. Joseph gets into character by changing his voice and Norrin loves listening! They also spend time watching cartoons like Super Hero Squad and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Norrin doesn’t quite understand the complex story lines but he likes the action and he now recognizes all the major characters.

Music. When Norrin was a baby, Joseph would rock Norrin to sleep listening to calming music like James Taylor and Bob Denver. Joseph is always introducing new music to Norrin. Some music Norrin likes – for the longest time, Norrin would only listen to “Get off of my cloud” by The Rolling Stones. And some he doesn’t – when he doesn’t, Norrin sticks his fingers in his ears and says, “Too loud, Dad. Lower the volume.” Like everything else, finding the right music is about trial and error.

Video Games. Joseph’s like a big kid when it comes to playing video games. And his love of video games was something Joseph wanted to enjoy with Norrin. Video games have helped Norrin in so many ways but mostly it’s been a critical piece of their bonding time.

Sports. There was a time when Norrin didn’t have the strength to throw or catch a ball. It took years of occupational therapy for him to learn. Norrin still struggles with his movements for many things, and he gets easily frustrated. But Joseph gets him to keep trying.

At first Norrin wasn’t interested in playing baseball. But Joseph broke the basics of baseball down. He began teaching Norrin how to catch the ball in his glove. Then how to throw the ball. Norrin loves playing catch and often asks to go outside and play. No matter how tired Joseph is, when Norrin asks – they’ll go outside and throw the ball around.

When I see Joseph and Norrin together I feel really lucky. Bonding with Norrin hasn’t always come easily but Joseph works really hard at finding ways to connect with Norrin. And seeing them interact together, watching their bond grow is a beautiful thing.

Catch up with last weeks post: A Tough Love Moment in Autism Parenting 

 

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