Posts Tagged ‘ mother’s day ’

What Special Needs Moms Really Want For Mother’s Day

Thursday, May 9th, 2013

All I want for Mother’s Day is to sleep in, till about 10:00 a.m. or so. No breakfast in bed, please! I just want to be served straight up, uninterrupted, really deep sleep.

Don’t get me wrong: Flowers would be lovely and all, but sleep is what I dream of. When I’m able to get quality sleep, that is. I’m usually up till midnight or so working or doing chores. Max usually wakes up in the middle of the night and tries to crash in our bed. On weekends, the kids are up and at ‘em around 7 a.m. or so, but lately Max has had this lovely habit of rising at 5:30 in the morning.

Earlier this week, I asked Facebook friends what they’d like for Mother’s Day, and I’m in excellent sleep-deprived company: sleeping in, “a nap” and “uninterrupted sleep” were the most popular contenders (with a few chocolate-covered strawberries thrown in). Looks like moms of kids with autism have the same thing in mind! I’d also like a few hours in the house alone, but I think that’s maybe illegal to suggest to the kids as a MOTHER’S day activity, and could result in years of therapy, so I won’t be mentioning that.

Actually, the majority of things on mom’s wish lists cost no money whatsoever—see how easy it is to please us, Dads and Significant Others?! Here are some things moms of kids with special needs want most this Sunday.

All I Want for Mother’s Day Is….

“For someone to clean my house and fold all of the laundry.”—Deborah Walker

“A day of peace—with no agenda, fighting or selfishness. A day when my entire family can think about something other than themselves and time slows down to a calm & relaxing pace.”–Jennifer Lee Black

“Flowers, a meal made by someone besides myself, and a nap. In that order.”—Sunday Stilwell

“To one day hear my son call me Mama. Whether it be this Mother’s Day or in ten years from now. I’ll be patient.”—Nicole Bellefleur Valdron

“Acknowledgment.”—Rachel Maurer

“For my children to be healthy and happy!”—Jennifer Sellers Campbell

“A meal that I don’t have to cook or clean up from, and that I can actually eat without jumping up every 5 seconds to get someone something.”—Cindy Turner Detlefs

“To be able to spend a lot of time with my own mom.”—Jenny Saul-Avila

“For my kids to put something back from where they got it.”—Chrisa Hickey

“Positive attitudes all around me.”—Amanda Evangeline Cleland Maddox

“An afternoon snuggling on the couch with a movie.”—Amanda Guyton

“I am going all out with this one. I want a whole 24 hours to myself! That would include uninterrupted sleep, meals and at least one hot bath.”—Jessica Hamilton

“A housekeeper or a gardner. Either one would be great!”—Kate Anders

“An uninterrupted meal! Any meal!”—Sonia J. Lopez

“Honestly? Something—anything—that lets me know my kids still like having me as their mother. They’re 18 and 23, but I’d settle for a short note on lined paper.”—Laura Raymond

“For my kids to go one day without having a fight that turns into a major meltdown!”—Amy Benton Bradley-Hole

“A morning snuggling with the kids over books or The Wizard of Oz while my husband gets up and makes breakfast. And a Bloody Mary—or a Mimosa, I’m not picky.”—Helena H

“A massage!”—Rebecca Uccello

“Quiet.”—Jamie Ponder Prince

From my other blog:

Congratulations: You’re Mom of the Year!

Top 20 Reasons Moms Of Kids With Special Needs Rock

20 More Reasons Moms Of Kids With Special Needs Rock

Image of woman sleeping in bed via Shutterstock

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A Mother’s Day Wish List For An Autism Mom

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs over at AutismWonderland.

 

 

Sunday is Mother’s Day and when I was growing up, my mom used to say that all she wanted was peace and quiet. She never asked for anything or expected anything more than a card from us and/or my dad.  Now that I’m a mom, I feel the same way. Just this morning I told my husband not to buy me anything for Mother’s Day. Well I actually said, “Please don’t buy me clothes because if you buy something too small, I’ll feel bad.” (I’ve gained weight and my husband, though incredibly thoughtful, is known for buying me the clothes two sizes too small.)

Last night I posted a question to my Facebook page. I asked what autism moms what was on their wish list for Mother’s Day. I loved all the responses so much I’m sharing my favorites below:

A Day Free From Housework. Wouldn’t that be lovely! If I walked in and found someone else cleaning, I’d be one happy mom.

To Hear “I Love You.”  Kids with autism don’t often express themselves spontaneously. Norrin rarely says “I love you” on his own, I always say it first. And kids who are non-verbal, cannot say “I love you” at all.  If you know a mom with a non-verbal child, maybe you can help them make a special card to give as a gift. If a child is verbal, maybe you can prompt them to say “I love you.” (Typically, I’m not a fan of prompting “I love you” but in some cases – I’m okay with it.)

A Mani/Pedi. YES PLEASE! Autism moms rarely treat themselves. A mani/pedi would make her feel pretty and rejuvenated.

A Day Out with Girlfriends. Every mom needs girl time.  If your bestie is an autism mom, give her  a call and take her out for a cup of coffee, a walk or a mani/pedi (see above!).

Dinner & Dishes. Give an autism mom a break. Cook her a nice meal and do the dishes. Let mom kick back on the sofa.

A Movie. While mom is relaxing after that delicious meal you cooked, let her watch her favorite movie in total peace.

A Good Book. If movies aren’t her thing – give her some time to curl up with a glass of wine and a good book.

SLEEP. You want to make an autism mom happy on Mother’s Day? LET HER SLEEP. Seriously. Close the bedroom door, keep the kids busy and just let her sleep. Let her wake up on her own. It could be the best gift you give her.

I’d be happy with any of these things on Mother’s Day. What’s on your Mother’s Day Wish List?

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Celebrate Yourself Today, Too!

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

Flowers! Cards! Chocolate! Breakfast in bed! Hopefully, you got your fair share of Mother’s Day treats. All I wanted was to sleep late, and my family gladly obliged.

By now, you’ve returned to your uncoddled life and the 99,999 things you do for your kids, particularly if you have one with special needs. This week alone I will…

• Drive my son, Max, to and from assorted therapies

• Take him to his annual pediatric neurologist appointment

• Look into finding a good drinking cup for him (he has trouble grapsing things)

• Work on putting together words to form a sentence, using his speech app

• Call the insurance company for the bazillionth time to go over dozens of unpaid claims (and then get that person’s supervisor on the phone, most likely)

• Fill out medical forms for summer camp

• Get the doctor’s office to sign forms for summer camp

• Re-order the anti-seizure medication

• Continue to work on potty training/pray it will happen

And that’s not counting the other ways I take care of him, or his sister, or my family.

Your tasks may be different, but I have a feeling you can relate. As moms of kids with special needs, we do more than other moms. And we don’t get ourselves credit for it (probably because we don’t have time to think about all that we’re doing). (Which is probably a good thing.) (Otherwise we’d feel even more tired.)

So I’m here to say, today is Mother’s Day, too. So is tomorrow. And the day after. And the week after. Every day should be a day to give yourself props for all you do, and for holding it together without losing it. Well, usually without losing it.

GO US!!!

 

From my other blog:

Top 20 reasons moms of kids with special needs rock

20 more reasons moms of kids with special needs rock

 

Image of mom with little hearts via Shutterstock  

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The God Box: Lessons My Mom Taught Me About Life…After She Died

Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

This guest post is from Mary Lou Quinlan, author of the new book The God Box: Sharing my mother’s gift of faith, love and letting go. Quinlan is an accomplished writer who’s written for Real Simple, More and O: The Oprah Magazine, and authored several books including Just Ask A Woman. She’s appeared on Good Morning America and the Today Show, and is considered one of the country’s top experts on women’s behavior. The God Box is a beautiful, inspirational book that’ll remind you of what’s most important in life. Check out her message to busy-busy-busy moms (in other words, every mom!), just in time for Mother’s Day.

If you’ve ever lost someone, you know that the sadness doesn’t end with the memorial. What’s harder is missing the “every day” of that relationship. When my Mom died, I longed for the nightly phones calls, the sound of her contagious laughter, and even her constant stream of advice, asked for or not.

But I was lucky. Mom left behind her God Box, actually ten boxes filled with 20 years of handwritten petitions. Mom turned to the God Box whether asking for help with finances or pleading for a cure to her blood cancer. Through her God Boxes, I could hear her again, still by my side. Here are glimpses into what I learned inside.

Writing things down is an amazing spirit-lifter. Most of us write ‘to do’ lists to de-clutter our minds. But why not write down our deeper worries rather than letting them fester? Whenever anyone expressed a worry, Mom would simply grab whatever was at hand, even a torn paper towel and write it down and put it in her box.  Giving voice to a concern is the first step to moving on.

Giving over your needs doesn’t mean giving up. I am a Type A, self-reliant sort of woman. If there’s a way to fix something on my own, I am on it. But Mom knew that asking was not only a way to lighten the load but a sign of strength. She wasn’t afraid to ask for guidance with the smallest issues. I’ve learned how good it feels to get the support that comes from just asking.

Say thanks, even when the answer is no. It’s easy to be grateful when things turn out well. When I got the “all clear” after radiation for breast cancer, I even thanked the corner coffee guy. But how about when I got the diagnosis in the first place? No happy dance of gratitude then. Yet that early mammogram indication was a gift. Mom said “Thanks” more often than “Please”. And somehow, more good things came her way.

Never, ever, ever lose hope. I can be impatient, whether I’m waiting for my nails to dry or the sun to come out. Mom knew that life’s tougher obstacles take time, so she wrote repeated pleas, not out of desperation but from her deep well of perseverance. I found multiple notes, re-asking “Please sell our motorhome” as well as praying for a miracle at the hematologist’s office. Mom was relentless. To her, losing hope meant she hadn’t tried hard enough.

Love like there’s no tomorrow. In the God Box, Mom detailed the smallest joys of her life with her family, as well as her wide circle of friends and strangers. Mom didn’t save up for the big moments to say “I love you.” She said it on the spot. She was creating her own legacy to us, even when we didn’t realize it. She taught me not to wait to say what is in my heart, even if it’s just on a scrap of paper and saved in a box.

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