Thursday, March 21st, 2013
1. Any time your child says “Whatever!” or “Really?!” or (the worst!) rolls her eyes.
2. When you’re trying to get out the door to go to work or take the kids to an event and you’ve asked them to put on their sneakers and coat approximately eleventy billion times and still, there they sit serenely on the couch, watching SpongeBob Squarepants.
3. Reading the book to your child for the 298th time. (But who’s counting.)
4. Kiddie meltdowns in the airport security line.
5. When you’ve just washed the floor and the kids/husband traipse in with the muddiest shoes known to mankind since The Age of Dinosaurs.
6. Watching your darlings bicker over who got the bigger slice of cake, and being this close to screeching, “WOULD YOU PLEASE GET A GRIP?”
7. The seventh time your child asks for a drink of water/something to eat/to check under the bed for monsters/to have more water/to make it cooler or hotter in the room after you’ve put him to bed. (Although the extra hugs, you sure don’t mind even if they are delay tactics.)
8. Dance recitals where you have to watch 19 other classes perform before you get to your child’s modern-dance rendition of Fill Me Up Buttercup.
9. When you are lying in bed, very sick with the flu or maybe a deadly plague, and your child keeps wandering in to ask Really Important Things like, “When are you getting me that lamp for my desk?”
10. Anytime you have to deal with insurance companies about claims for the kids or the family. Like, how did they lose them again? Where do they go? Is this some sort of experiment to test the patience of moms everywhere.
11. Fruitlessly trying to convince your child that it’s not OK to wear pajamas in public and giving up and letting her walk around the mall in her flannels. At least it’s not a nightie.
12. Train delays or traffic on your ride home from work as your child repeatedly texts “I need help with homework!”, “Mommy, when are you coming home?”, “MOMMY I NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK!”, and “Are you almost home?”